Perceptions Series: 01 Damaged Beginnings
by kalinda001
Summary: Perceptions series occurs after the New Patterns & Old Fr Series. Avon has many things to recover from after 3 years of imprisonment and torture by Servalan. There is a strange new phenomenom in Sector Ten. The crew readjusts to having Avon back.
1. Chapter 1

This story is part of a larger series of interconnected stories. The first one begins approximately 6 months after the end of the TV Series.

New Patterns and Old Things

01 New Patterns and Old Things, 02 Broken Things, 03 Fighting Back, 04 Hidden Things, 05 Needs are Never Simple,

06 Playing Dangerous Games, 07 The Improbability Zone

Perceptions

01 Damaged Beginnings, 02 Wants and Needs, 03 The Definition of Peace, 04 Sevisia, To Be Continued

Note: It is easier if you read the New Patterns and Old Friends series of stories first as this one is a direct continuation but for those who don't, here is a brief summary.

The New Patterns and Old Friends series deals with what happened to Avon after GP. The story begins approx 6 months after the fiasco in the tracking gallery. Everyone was killed except Avon, whom Servalan has been keeping prisoner. She has been trying to extract various pieces of information from him, including the location of ORAC, the secrets of the _Liberator_ and ORAC and information on the rebels. He has been tortured, drugged and has had his mind worked using various methods but he refuses to give her the information.

Servalan brings in a psychostrategist, Sester in order to work on Avon. In the meantime, she has become President again.

In the meantime, we discover that Vila is not dead. He was the only other survivor of GP. He was severely injured and was also a prisoner of Servalan. It was he who told them, under torture that Avon was the only one who knew where ORAC was. Realizing that Vila knew nothing else, Servalan allowed him to 'escape' after implanting him with a tracking device and various false memories which implicated Avon in betraying Blake and the others on GP. The idea was to make sure that even if Avon ever managed to escape, he would have nowhere to go and no one would help him. When we first meet up with Vila, he has been hired by a group of (what he thinks are) thieves who want to steal valuables from a safe. But he soon realizes that he has hooked up with another band of rebels (whose leader is an ex-Federation commando officer named Argus) , after information on a new virus. Of course, Vila is none too pleased. He already had enough of that life and never wanted to go back to it again. Through the rebel and ex-Federation military leader Argus, Vila meets up with an old friend, Jenna. She never died. The story told by Blake to Tarrant was just that, another story.

In the meantime, the psychostrategist Sester meets with Avon and begins working on him, playing mind games designed to make Avon reveal the information he knows.

To make a long story short, various events occur in which Avon is accidentaly rescued from Servalan. Unfortunately, because of the things Servalan did to his mind, he no longer trusts anyone; he can barely tell reality from the dream scenarios the Federation interrogators regularly forced on him.

In the course of time, Avon retrieves ORAC and because he had left standing orders for ORAC to look for another Altan ship like the _Liberator, _they all end up with another powerful ship. Avon, Vila, Jenna and the new rebel leader, Argus take the new _Liberator_ (later named the _Justice_) and begin fighting the Federation again.

Unfortunately, Servalan will not let Avon go that easily. With Sester's help, she sets a trap for Avon. It seems that Cally also survived. They all thought she was dead but because of her Auron abilities, was able to survive. She was discovered severely injured by Servalan and had been kept on a prison colony. Using Cally and by the application of the new virus, which acts like IMIPAK in that it is programmable to act both like Pylene-50 and a killing agent, they lure Avon into giving himself up, without telling the others. He agrees to put himself in Servalan's power again in exchange for Cally's life. This time, he is also forced to agree never to try escape in order for Cally's continued safety.

This time, as Servalan's prisoner, it is different. Servalan is not just after information. Her goal is to force Avon to apply his brain and skills to work for her; to build a huge private financial empire for her. Of course, she knows he will refuse so using Sester's strategy, they subject Avon to a series of neverending nightmares using the most traumatic events of his past until he finally breaks and agrees to work for her. Even then he refuses to give her anything associated with his time on the _Liberator _but he is willing to do everything else she demands. This is still not enough for Servalan. Her ultimate goal is to control him completely. She begins to do this by having him conditioned so that his brain is forced to work on command; a condition which can be turned on and off according to her commands.

The remainder of the stories deals with Servalan's continued goal to control Avon even more through force and torture. Of course, Avon continually seeks to regain control and to find a way to escape.

The rest of the crew undergoes several adventures as they learn to work with each other. In the end, Avon is rescued by the crew. This is where the Perceptions series of stories begin.

**Damaged Beginnings**

_"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning."_

Chapter One

"Is Argus still in his cabin?" Jenna asked as Cally came down the steps to the flight deck.

"Yes. He has not come to the dining area for his meal again," replied the Auron. "I have asked Vila to deliver the food to him on a tray when he brings Avon his."

"I'm sure he was happy to do that," said Jenna cynically, knowing Vila's aversion to work of any kind.

Since his rescue, Avon had been recovering in the medical bay; attended to by Cally. Avon had complained constantly that he could recover better in his cabin. After a week, she had finally agreed to release him on the condition that Vila bring him changes of clothing and his meals. Avon did not mind that at all. Having Vila do things for him was amusing; especially since Vila complained bitterly that he was not the domestic help on the ship.

It had been a week since Avon had been rescued from Servalan at Residence One. Since then they had all been very concerned about him. Despite the embarrassing circumstances which had caught him in Servalan's bedroom, they knew that there was nothing funny about being a prisoner of the Federation President.

Even though Argus was the only one who had access to the files sent by psychostrategist Sester, regarding the treatment which Avon had received during his three years at the Federation Special Detention Centre; the rebel leader had told them a few of the details.

Cally was the only member of the crew who got to see the two men on a regular basis; and only because she was the resident medic who saw to both men's recovery.

Argus was still experiencing some shoulder pain and stiffness. He had been ambushed on a mission out in Sector Ten for General Borel Reve. His captors had tortured him and nearly twisted both his arms from their sockets, causing extensive tearing. He was nearly a hundred percent but with injuries of this type, there were always residual effects which lingered without proper maintenance.

The rebel leader always reported to the medical bay on time and submitted to the examination by Cally. It had become such a routine that he rarely uttered a word. It was almost as if only his body came for examination.

Avon was a different case. To Cally's horror, in her initial examinations, she had discovered that there were not many things which were not wrong with him. Three years of being tortured and abused at the Federation Special Detention Centre tended to kill most people. But Avon's will to survive had been strong and they had not let him die.

Argus had allowed the Auron to see Avon's medical records from the Detention Centre. What she read, had made her wish that they had not agreed to work with the Federation, despite the danger from the alien invaders. The torture they had submitted him to had been inhuman. The injuries could be healed and the physical scarring could be removed with the advanced medical facilities of the _Justice_. But the deeper psychological wounds caused by the torture; Cally was afraid they would scar him forever.

Avon received several hours of treatment from Cally twice a day along with a regular regimen of drugs to reduce pain, encourage healing and to stabilize his body chemistry; and some special ones he could not live without.

The amount of drugs they had to give him made Cally angry. She found it difficult to have to give them to him every day. He accepted them so passively now; it was as if it was a normal occurrence. From the records, she knew it had been like that at the Detention Centre; except there the drugs also contained many other things used to control him and cause him discomfort.

At first he had refused the pain blockers, wanting to reduce the amount of drugs to a minimum. But they had to have Vila break the lock to his cabin one day because he had not come out for two days and did not respond to calls at his door. They had found him collapsed on the floor, so incapacitated by pain that he was unable to move, unable to even call out for help.

After that he accepted that he could not do without more drugs; at least not until he had healed enough for the pain to no longer be a problem. Cally could tell that he hated it at first but after a couple of days, he had become like Argus; his body submitted for treatment but that was all. He refused any personal questions and only responded to requests about his health.

The special drugs she was required to give him made her the angriest. From her limited knowledge of pharmacology, she knew that these were sophisticated chemicals used to regulate his brain function. At first, when Argus had told her that she had to give them to Avon, without an explanation of why, she had refused. He then finally relented and allowed her to see the files pertaining to what they had done to Avon's mind.

What she had read had made her ill. Cally did not see how Avon could have managed to survive and still be sane after what they had done to him. If it had been her, she would have tried to kill herself. In a way it was for the best that he was cold and impersonal during his sessions with her. Knowing what she did now, Cally did not trust herself to be able to remain objective; and he would have hated her sympathy. It was difficult enough for him already; she did not want to inflict that on him.

She now understood why Argus had kept Avon's files coded to himself only; even though the others constantly gave him grief for it and accused him of being controlling by keeping the information for himself. Cally no longer gave him a hard time about it.

Avon's physical injuries, both external and internal were healing. He would still require weeks of rehabilitation to regain muscle strength, endurance and flexibility but he was on the way to recovery; though he would probably never be one hundred percent again and would suffer chronic pains. Cally did the best that she could but even with the advanced medical capabilities of the _Justice_, the years of being tortured and having his body manipulated had done irreparable damage. If it had not been for the healing tanks and the advanced medical facilities at the Detention Centre, his body would have collapsed long ago. Cally did not know he could have withstood the constant pain he must have experienced at the Centre.

There was only one physical area which still concerned her. The injury to his knee. Avon walked with a visible pained limp but he refused to allow Cally to examine the injured joint. He was so illogically stubborn about it that she wondered if it had some psychological component caused by the interrogators at the Special Detention Centre. She had decided to accept his refusal for now. There were too many other more serious injuries to handle that this one could be dealt with later.

* * *

Argus was restless. He had just come back from his daily examination by Cally and was in his cabin. He had a major concern. As the leader, he responsible for the safety of the crew. There was someone onboard who posed a potential threat to this safety.

Back at Residence One, Argus had given Avon a chance to kill Servalan; and Avon had spared her life and gave no explanation as to why. Argus was worried that it was part of the conditioning which Avon had undergone at the Federation Special Detention Centre. Psychostrategist Sester's extensive files on Avon had revealed that only one type of conditioning had been done on him. Argus doubted that was true. They had Avon for three years; he did not believe they did not subject him to other forms of conditioning. This was what was troubling the rebel leader.

Regardless of whether it was the only form or not, what was done to Avon was a horrifying type of conditioning which had made him little more than a puppet to be used by Servalan. His mind was forced to work on anything she had directed him to work on. It was a state which could be turned on or off according to her whims. He was completely helpless when it was activated. And from the records, they had forced this condition on him for long periods every day, barely allowing his mind time to rest. Any attempt to refuse resulted in building pressures in the brain which became exponentially unbearable until his mind could no longer withstand the pressures and he descended into madness. Argus could not imagine the horror of having to be forced to live like that; to be used like that even for a few days. Avon had endured it for three years.

Argus had not yet informed the crew of this. They were already distressed enough reacting to Avon's physical condition.

Argus knew that the sooner they broke the conditioning the better but Avon was not yet strong enough for them to attempt it. The method the files recommended required that the analyst be much stronger than he was currently.

After having endured torture himself, Argus knew that the last thing Avon would want was to see sympathy or pity in other people's eyes. It was hard enough experiencing the weakness of your own body without that. That was why Argus had locked the files Sester had sent regarding Avon's time at the Special Detention Centre; and refused to allow the rest of the crew to see them. No matter how much Argus distrusted the man; Avon did not deserve to have his dignity taken away. The only one Argus had allowed a limited access to the information was Cally, and only because she required it as their resident medic.

As a Federation commando, Argus had received specialized training to resist torture and other forms of persuasion and conditioning. But the training had also taught him that no one could hold out forever, especially not against the kind of advanced techniques used at the Special Detention Centre. That Avon had been able to resist spoke a lot about the strength of his mind and will. In this Argus admired him a great deal. But this kind of strength and will in someone who had few scruples and 

whose first priority was to himself, made him an extremely dangerous man. Argus knew he had to always keep his guard up with Avon. He could never allow the analyst to endanger the crew or their mission; especially with the looming crisis with the alien invaders.

Argus got up and headed towards the door, he had made a decision.

* * *

"I can't find him anywhere," said Vila. "I went to his cabin to deliver the tray like you asked and he wasn't there."

"How do you know that he wasn't just ignoring you?" asked Jenna.

"Well, I just do," said Vila.

"Vila, did you break into Argus's cabin? You know he's not going to like that," said Jenna.

"He hasn't eaten in two days. He has to eat something," Vila defended himself.

Jenna shook her head. Cally had been right, Vila was worried.

"Is Avon still in his cabin?" she asked.

"Yes. He told me to go away. I left his tray outside his door," replied Vila.

"Let's go and get Cally and we'll all make a search of the ship."

They headed off to conduct the search.

* * *

"Vila is very persistent," remarked Argus. He had come to talk to Avon after making his decision. They had both heard Vila outside Avon's door, trying to persuade the analyst to let him in.

"But not as successful as you apparently," said Avon.

The two men were seated opposite each other at a table in Avon's cabin.

"Ask your question," said Avon.

"Why did you do it?" asked Argus.

"You mean, why didn't I do it?" said Avon correcting him.

_Are we going to play word games now while you avoid answering the question?_ thought Argus. The rebel leader did not respond; and just waited.



Realizing that Argus was not to be baited, Avon sighed. He did not want to answer the question. He did not like his own answer any more than he knew that the rebel leader would.

"You already know the answer," said Avon. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here confronting me."

Argus had remembered teleporting into Servalan's bedroom with Vila in order to rescue Avon. He had found what he had expected to find; Avon in bed with Servalan. This was not why he had been disturbed. He had guessed that given Servalan's controlling nature and her fascination with Avon; it was not inconceivable that she would force that kind of service from him.

It was Avon's actions when he saw Argus and Vila suddenly appearing in the room which spoke volumes. Avon and Servalan had both been naked on the bed; but when Avon saw the two intruders; his first response had been to pull the blanket over Servalan, protecting her dignity.

Argus had given Avon the chance to kill her; to have the opportunity to exact revenge on the woman who had used and abused him for so long; and as a test of Avon. The rebel leader had known that killing Servalan would cause great complications in terms of the conflict they were all about to face with the alien invaders. But he had been willing to give Avon the chance; and deal with the fallout later.

"What are you going to do?" asked Avon. Avon knew what he would have done in the rebel leader's place.


	2. Chapter 2

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Two

"You are not getting off that easily Avon," replied the rebel leader. He and Avon were continuing their conversation while Jenna, Cally and Vila were conducting a fruitless search for the supposedly missing rebel leader. Little did they know that the two men were in Avon's cabin having a crucial discussion.

"You have been worried since you came back, haven't you?" said Argus. "And it has to do with the Federation President."

Avon was shocked but it did not show on his face.

_How did you become so perceptive?_ Avon wondered. It was true. The analyst had been on the brink since coming back. He had been prepared for the possibility that he would die since Servalan had activated the conditioning in his brain while they were in her bedroom. That circumstance he had accepted; he had known the risks and had preferred the resultant madness and death rather than continue being her prisoner.

But she had let him go; releasing his mind as he had teleported out. This situation his mind could not accept; could not reconcile. Even with the drugs to prevent the nightmares, this had been haunting his sleep.

She haunted his sleep.

It was not the torture which tormented his dreams; it was the anger and betrayal in Servalan's eyes when he had stopped her from using the hidden security button when Argus and Vila had entered her room; and the memory of her tears while she talked about Don Keller; and the feel of her body against his when they were driven by their passion. The conflicting hatred and desire for her were so strong that it was driving him mad. He needed it to stop.

At the Detention Centre she had crushed him again and again; and he had wanted to die. But even that choice she had taken away from him. The day when Argus had given him the pistol, Avon had so much wanted her to die; to make her pay for the years of torment.

But he found that he couldn't kill her; and this was an even greater torment. It was tearing him apart. He wanted the ordeal to finally end but it would not. He wanted the oblivion of death; but he found that he couldn't even kill himself; not because of fear, but because it meant that she would win.

Argus was right; and Avon found that he hated him too.

* * *

Somehow Argus had guessed a small part of this when he observed the analyst's treatment of Servalan in her bedroom. Argus did not understand his own perceptiveness himself. Normally he was not the kind of man to have this type of sensitivity. Argus refused to recognize that it was his own problems which allowed him to have a connection to Avon's suffering.

When the rebel leader had returned to the _Justice_ without Reya Reve, he had an emptiness inside him which he did not understand. He was numb. Nothing gave him pleasure anymore; nothing interested him and he did not know why.

He avoided the others; he did not want to talk to anyone. Even though the others tried to force him to eat, he did not have an appetite. He even avoided sleeping now; so he was constantly exhausted. Reya haunted his sleep; though he did not remember this when he woke up. She was constantly following him in his nightmares; her insults ringing in his ears along with his own biting responses. He tried to get away from her but couldn't. It was not until she told him to go that he would wake up terrified and in a cold sweat; and not knowing why because he did not remember the dream.

As a man of action, Argus began to pour his energies into the alien situation but found he could not concentrate. It always drew his mind away to the day he had found Reya on the command ship; lying on the ground after a near fatal pulse shot while her men tried to hold their attackers off. He had discovered that day that the aliens were part of the command crew. The eerie green glows that resulted from the death of the aliens gave his memories an unreal quality.

But now this situation with Avon was finally able to occupy his attention. The sense of danger and the need to protect his crew were the distractions his mind needed. He poured all of his energies into it; Avon became his focus.

* * *

"You still haven't answered my question," said Argus. "I want you to tell me why."

Avon remained silent. He did not want to answer.

Argus tried a different tactic, "Unless I understand why you did what you did; I cannot allow you to stay on this ship and endanger the crew. I will try to drop you off at the next planet that is safe for you."

Avon laughed sarcastically, "Is there such a place for me anymore?"

Apart from Servalan and the Federation, there were many other dangers for Avon; not the least of which was almost everyone knew that he had killed Blake.

"Then answer my question, Avon."

Avon looked at the rebel leader. The last time they had faced each other, Avon had shot him.

"Answer a question for me first. And I will answer yours," said Avon.

"What question?" asked Argus.

"The files which Sester sent you. The ones about me. You've had them locked under a security code and refuse to let the others see them. I want to know why," said Avon.

Argus was surprised that this would have been the question that Avon would ask. But then he realized that it made sense. There was something Avon wanted to know about the rebel leader before deciding what he would answer. Argus measured his answer carefully.

"The others are already very concerned about you. And that's from only seeing your external injuries. If they knew the material contained in the files, they would never leave you alone. I cannot afford to have them incapacitated by being worried about you. Not now. Not when we have more pressing concerns," said Argus in a neutral voice.

Avon's face was as neutral as well. He was not hearing anything which he did not want to hear. "So you do not count yourself among the ones who are overly concerned about my health?"

"You are a survivor, Avon as you have proven many times in the past. And we have some of the best medical facilities on board this ship. Should I be concerned?"

"Then your only concern is that I will endanger the crew and interfere with our fight against the alien invaders."

"Of course."

_At last an honest man._ Avon smiled cynically. "Then I can answer your question."

The rebel leader's response had been the correct one. If he had shown any indication of sympathy or pity, Avon would never have revealed to him what he was about to reveal. The rebel leader's concern was in Avon's value to and danger to the crew; of which Avon was a part. There was nothing personal in his assessment.

"I made a mistake," began Avon. "I tried to understand Servalan. And I'm afraid I succeeded."

"She got your sympathy?"

"No. Not sympathy."

_No. It was worse. Even worse than Tarrant, _thought Avon. In his mind he was addressing the Federation President; _He only felt compassion for you. Because of Don Keller. _

Avon admitted, "She became human." _And I became human; for a few brief moments._

With the admission, Avon also realized this was the mistake he had made with Anna.

At that moment, the buzzer to Avon's cabin sounded.

"Avon." Came the voice from the other side of the door. It was Jenna.

"Avon, we have a problem. We can't find Argus. Open the door."

Avon looked at the rebel leader. There was a smile on the analyst's face. The timing could not have been worse. Argus's face showed annoyance.

"Well, fearless leader. Are you going to open the door and tell them that I am leaving? Or shall I?" Avon said cynically.

Argus did not answer him. Instead he got up, went over to the door and opened it.

"Argus!" exclaimed Jenna. Framed in the doorway outside was Jenna, with Cally and Vila behind her. They were all shocked to see the rebel leader in Avon's room.

"Yes. I'm fine. There was no need to look for me. Avon and I are just having a discussion. You can go back to what you were doing before. We are not finished yet." With that Argus closed the door in their faces.

_Going back to what we were doing before? Like worrying?_ thought Vila.

* * *

As Argus returned to the table and sat opposite Avon again, he noticed the look of amusement on the analyst's face.

"It appears they are worried about you as well," said Avon.

"That does not concern you," Argus replied coldly.

"Of course not." _Why are they concerned about you?_ thought Avon. _And why are you so defensive?_ This piqued his curiosity. Since returning to the ship, Avon had been preoccupied with his own concerns. But now he took a close look at the rebel leader; the man looked tired and strained. _You haven't been sleeping either, _he noted.

"You didn't tell them," remarked Avon.

"There was nothing to tell them," said Argus.

Avon gave him a puzzled look.

"Did you really want me to tell them that you made the mistake of being human?" Argus asked.

"But how can you trust me?" Avon challenged him. He wasn't quite sure he trusted himself with Servalan.

"Is she still your enemy Avon?"

"Of course she is," Avon said without hesitation. His hatred for her was still the same. _Then why is it that I could not kill her? _This puzzled even himself.

Argus smiled and shook his head.

"You do not believe me?" asked Avon.

"You want to know how I can trust someone who cannot even kill an enemy in cold blood?"

"You are making a mistake," Avon told him.

"Then we are both human."

"That is not a glowing tribute."

"Perhaps not. But is does mean that I will not have you dropped off at the next planet."

"Then you're both human and a fool."

"Don't misunderstand me, Avon. I will be watching you very carefully."

Avon nodded. This he understood. It was an attitude he was very familiar with.

"Do not tell the others," he asked Argus.

"You mean, don't tell them that you made the mistake of being human?"

"Yes."

"They wouldn't believe me even if I told them. Now shall we go and get something to eat before they charge in here again?"

They both suddenly realized they were hungry.


	3. Chapter 3

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Three

A man in prison gray lay on a metal sleep platform in a cell. He was curled against the cold and his back was to the cell door. His hands wore shackles and he shifted restlessly in his sleep.

The man had been there several weeks. Other than the few short minutes each morning when he was allowed to visit the cleaning facilities, he was never allowed out of his cell. Meals were delivered through a slot in the door; not that he ate much of it. The gruel tended to make him ill. As a result he was getting progressively weaker and the uniform was starting to hang loosely on his thinning form.

* * *

"My dear sister, you are starting to drive me crazy," said General Borel Reve.

His sister, Reya was pacing restlessly. They were both alone in his office onboard his flag ship. Normally his sister was a very still person. She rarely paced but for some reason, she did that constantly now.

_Not for some reason. For a specific reason_, thought the young general.

She didn't pace as people normally paced; she paced at speed, as if by walking faster, she could speed up time.

"Can you stop pacing? You're making me dizzy. Or at least slow down?" he asked her.

Reya stopped abruptly and stared at her brother.

"What did you say?" she asked. Her mind had been elsewhere.

From the distracted look which had been on her face, Borel doubted if she had been thinking about anything operational. She had just finished reporting on the success of her current mission and they had been chatting briefly.

These days when she wasn't focused on a mission, she seemed distracted and out of sorts. It was normally hard to tell what she was thinking or feeling; but when her guard was down, when she did not think anyone was observing her, Borel saw the sadness reflected in her eyes. He wished she would talk about it but he knew she never would, not even with him. Borel sighed.

"I need you to go out to the outer border in quadrant eight. We're getting reports of some unusual activity there. I need you to take one of your special units and find out what is going on there." The special unit was one of the hand-picked units Reya and Argus had led when the rebel leader was still working with them. There were now five units and each had been expanded; they had proven very useful. Reya had trained them well.

With this charge, his sister's demeanor instantly changed. She was alert and focused now.

* * *

"ORAC, they're starting to make me nervous," Vila told the computer unit. "What do you think they're plotting?"

ORAC was at its customary position, on a table by the command conference area on the flight deck of the _Justice_. It was Vila's shift on the flight deck and they were both alone.

As usual, ORAC had no idea what Vila was talking about.

"Please specify who you are referring to," it said irritably. Or at least it sounded irritated.

"Avon and Argus of course," said Vila as if it should have been obvious. Since the day when Vila, Jenna and Cally had scoured the entire ship looking for the rebel leader, only to find him in Avon's cabin, the two men had been spending a lot of time together. They appeared to be planning something. Something which they were not sharing with the rest of the crew.

_I really hate alphas_, thought Vila. He didn't actually hate the two men but he did not like feeling left out.

At that moment both Jenna and Cally arrived on the flight deck. They each went to their normal stations.

"Where's Argus?" asked Jenna.

"How should I know? Have you asked Avon?" Vila said irritably.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Jenna.

"Nothing."

"Argus asked us to come to the flight deck," said Cally.

"Well, I haven't seen him," said Vila.

Avon and Argus arrived; or rather Argus arrived first and Avon followed slowly behind him. These days, they all tried not to notice Avon's slow and painful movements. He was much better physically, but his limp was still very pronounced. And he continued to refuse to allow Cally to examine it.

"Excellent, you're all here," said Argus.

"You did ask us here," pointed out Jenna. She was also not happy that Argus seemed to be working with Avon and excluding the rest of them. She had known Argus the longest and they had worked together many times in the past. Like Vila, Jenna did not like feeling left out.

"Avon and I have been working on a project together," said Argus.

"We haven't noticed," said Vila sarcastically under his breath.

"We're ready to give it a test today," Argus continued.

"Are you going to tell us what it is?" asked Jenna.

"We thought it might be more interesting showing you," said Argus.

"Avon," Argus nodded to the analyst.

"Zen, bring up the anti-detector shield," Avon instructed the ship's computer.

"Confirmed."

"Activate the short and medium range sensors. Three-sixty orbital sweep."

"Confirmed."

"Jenna, I want you to follow this course and speed," Argus plotted a course on the navigation screen on using his co-pilot's terminal.

Jenna began manipulating the controls on her flight console as she studied the course plotted by Argus.

"But that takes us into the heart of Federation space. Those are heavily trafficked areas. We'll be spotted, even with our anti-detector screen," Jenna said with alarm in her voice.

"What?" Vila said from his neutron blaster station. There was alarm in his voice as well. "If this project is a new way to commit suicide, then you don't need to show us, we'll take your word for it," said Vila.

"Have I ever steered you wrong Jenna?" asked Argus.

"No," replied Jenna. There was still doubt on her face but she began to follow the rebel leader's instructions.

"This is a mistake," said Vila.

"That's surprising. Coming from you," said Avon. There was no mistaking the sarcasm in his voice.

"I wasn't talking to you," said Vila irritably.

Cally had not said a word. She had been studying Avon since he entered the room. First she had been trying to assess the level of his health, especially since he limp still did not appear to be getting any better and he was still in pain. But as Argus had announced his seemingly suicidal plan, she had noticed that Avon did not appear concerned at all.

_This is odd_, thought Cally. Usually when Blake suggested some crazy scheme, Avon was the first and most vocal of his opponents. She decided to trust Argus and Avon.

"Zen, put the battle and navigation computers online," instructed Argus.

"Battle and navigation computers online," reported Zen.

"Have the navigation computers track all ships within our current sensor range."

"Confirmed."

"And have the battle computers begin active plotting of tactical escape paths," said Argus.

"Confirmed."

"This is not giving me a warm feeling," said Vila.

"Yes," agreed Jenna. "We would all feel better if we knew what the two of you are planning."

"It is merely a precaution," said Argus.

"I like precautions," said Vila. "But can we have these precautions somewhere we don't have to be cautious about?"

"There is nothing to be concerned about, Vila," Avon assured Vila.

"That makes me feel _much_ better," said Vila sarcastically; not feeling better in the least.

"Zen put up the forward visuals on the main viewscreen."

"Confirmed."

The main viewscreen showed a moving starfield, indicating the movement of their ship through space.

"Sensors register numerous ships along our current flight path," reported Zen.

"Argus," said Jenna.

"Do not deviate from the plotted course, Jenna," instructed Argus.

"This is crazy," said Jenna.

By now, Vila had also noticed Avon's complete lack of concern. He looked at the two men suspiciously. "The two of you are up to something," said Vila. "I don't think I like this."

They all ignored his comment as they all focused their attention on the main viewscreen. The Federation ships were all around them now. Some of them were

getting dangerously close to visual scanner range. None of them appeared to have spotted the _Justice_ yet.

"They're going to see us!" said Vila. He had moved beyond nervous and was working his way to being terrified.

"Zen, are we in the visual scanner range of any of the ships currently within sensor range?" asked Avon.

There was a short pause and then Zen reported, "Battle computers report the _Justice_ has been in visual scanner range of three Federation pursuit ships and two transport barges for the past forty-three seconds."

"What?" exclaimed Jenna. "Why haven't they spotted us?"

Argus said to Avon, "You did it."

"Naturally," remarked Avon.

"Now will someone please tell us what is going on?" said Jenna. _Or I am going to start doing some major bodily damage to someone_, thought Jenna.

Argus was grinning now and Avon had a slightly amused look on his face; that really irritated her.

"I have made an improvement on the anti-detector screen," said Avon. "We are now invisible to short range visual scanners."

Jenna, Vila and Cally had the appropriate look of stunned surprise on their faces.

"That's brilliant!" exclaimed Vila. All thoughts of irritation or danger were now gone.

"Well, I suppose that's an improvement on 'Avon's gadget works'," remarked Avon dryly.


	4. Chapter 4

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Four

The gray-clad prisoner was staring at the ceiling. He was reflecting on how the monotony made it appear like he had been there for months.

At first he had been expecting to be tortured. But there was nothing. He seemed to have been left in the cell and forgotten.

If the daily routine was correct, then he counted eighteen days so far. Of course, there was no guarantee that the daily routines actually reflected a real day. He knew that in a prison such as this, the security people were more than capable of playing with his sense of time and reality. He could have been here for only a couple of days or even several months. But regardless, the effect on the mind was still the same.

The first couple of days he had spent thinking and planning and waiting for the torture which never came. Then he found himself running through works of poetry and literature, anything to keep his mind occupied. But time seemed accelerated in this place. No matter what he found to occupy his mind, it seemed that it was over much too quickly; and then his mind needed something else. Even though he had an exceptional memory and could recall scores of material, it was still not enough. He was already running through everything two and three times.

By the fifteenth day the boredom was starting to drive him crazy. He was restless and found himself pacing the cell; but because he had barely been eating, he found it tired him out quickly.

_This is worse than torture_, he thought. The man never thought that he would miss so many things. He even missed the darkness.

He wondered how the previous occupant of this cell had been able to bear it.

* * *

Avon re-read the file which Argus had copied to his datapad. He put the pad down. _I need to consult ORAC. _Though the crew tried to treat him as if he was not an invalid, there were still things they had not allowed him to do. One was to take a shift on the flight deck alone.

Apart from the fact that he did not yet have the endurance to take a full shift; was the fear that he would not be able to accept any incoming communications. It was Argus's precautions which did not allow him to. Avon did not disagree. Servalan may have let him go in a moment of weakness but there was no guarantee that she would not change her mind. It was too much of a risk.

The rebel leader had not told the others about the conditioning and Avon had been grateful for that. Argus had not brought up the issue yet but as long as the conditioning was in place, Avon could never be allowed to accept any incoming communications or be present during any communications. This also meant that he could never leave the ship. The risk was too high.

So far it had not concerned him. Avon had been comfortable on the ship and had no desire for any change in his environment. He suspected that it was one of the psychological effects of being tortured for so long; the desire for stability and familiar things.

He still did not have to do anything for himself yet. Cally was concerned about the injury to his knee, which did not appear to be getting better. She had Vila continue to bring him changes of clothing and his meals.

But Avon had become increasingly restless. He needed to feel useful again and not used. So he had sought out Argus.

"The file that Sester sent regarding the conditioning, I want to see it," Avon had asked the moment the rebel leader answered his door. The poor man had just finished a double shift and was just about to collapse into bed. Jenna had fallen ill and was currently in the medical wing attended to by Cally.

Argus was about to say "Can't this wait?" but decided against it. He sighed. "Come in." He accessed the secured files on his terminal and uploaded a copy to a datapad. "Here. Now let me sleep." He handed the pad to Avon and almost pushed him out the door.

After Avon left with the information, Argus lay thinking for a few moments. He knew what was on the file he had just given Avon. It was going to be difficult. Argus knew the others would not like it if they knew. He also knew that Avon would feel he had no choice but to do it.

_Best to keep this from the rest of the crew. Maybe just ORAC will be enough. Will have to consult with it when I wake up._

The tired leader rolled onto his side and went to sleep. He hoped there would be no nightmares tonight; he needed rest.

* * *

A message came in during Jenna's shift on the flight deck from General Borel Reve's command ship out in Sector Ten. It requested a personal communication with Argus. Everyone cleared the flight deck.

"Zen, patch the communication to the main viewscreen."

"Confirmed."

Shortly a face appeared on the viewer.

"Argus."

"Reya," Argus reacted in surprise. With her appearance, all tension seemed to lift from his shoulders. His restlessness instantly disappeared, along with the melancholy. He smiled.

"You remember my name," she remarked dryly.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"It has been weeks and I haven't received any communications from you."

"I was supposed to call? I don't remember making any arrangements like that."

"Are you being deliberately dense?" At the confused look on his face, she sighed and said, "You're going to be the death of me one of these days."

At that Argus was even more confused. In a way it contributed to his increased feeling of well-being. He had often found himself confused by her. This was something familiar.

"You're going to have to explain it to me."

"Obviously. The next time you go off, can you arrange to send me at least one message to tell me that you're alright? You still hadn't recovered fully when you left and you're off to battle the aliens."

"You were worried about me?" he asked. _I should be annoyed_, he thought. But for some reason, the idea that she worried about him made him feel even better.

_Did my following you around for days after your injuries not tell you anything?_ she thought.

"Argus, stop grinning and please focus. I don't have that much time."

"What's wrong?" His mind instantly became focussed.

"There's nothing wrong. Borel is sending me out to quadrant eight to check out something. I won't have access to the long range communications array for awhile. It's in an isolated region of the Sector."

"So the reason you contacted me is just to tell me that I should have contacted you?"

Reya shifted restlessly. She wasn't about to tell him that she missed him; that she had not had a decent night's sleep since he left. For the first time since she appeared on the screen, she was at a loss for words.

_You're like a drug_, she thought. _And I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms._

"Well, I don't have the same problem as you," she told him. "I actually do try to tell people if I'm going to disappear for awhile."

"I miss your insults," he told her.

This admission completely disarmed her. For some reason, all of the built up tension in the past few weeks flowed out of her. She could see that he wanted to say something else.

_We can't afford to do this to each other, _she thought.

"Don't say anything more Argus, it's just going to make things harder."

"I don't care."

"I should never have contacted you."

"You don't really think that."

"No. I don't," she admitted. Her voice had become quiet. He could barely hear her over the ship's comm. "We haven't yet reached the point where our personal concerns are more than a distant second in our priorities," she told him.

"_Am_ I your personal concern?" he asked, trying to provoke a reaction from her.

"Am I yours?"

"Don't answer my question with your own question."

"You want me to say that I miss you?"

"_Is_ that what you want to say?"

"I don't know."

Argus opened his mouth to make a comment and then closed it. He was confused again. He sighed. It seemed that they weren't going to get any further in this communication.

"I will try to remember to contact you periodically," he told her.

"Good," said Reya in a tone which indicated that her task had been accomplished.

"Be careful out there," he told her.

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can."

"Reya, out." Her image disappeared from the screen, replaced by the starfield.

_If Borel had been here, he would have had something very sarcastic to say, _thought Argus.

There was one thing which was accomplished. They could both now sleep in peace.

* * *

"Those two have been very strange since they came back," said Jenna.

She and Cally were sharing a meal in the dining area.

"They have both been through a lot," said Cally.

"Avon, I can understand," said Jenna. "But Argus?"

"He also sustained injuries and was tortured." _It is odd that Avon still refuses to let me examine his knee_._ Perhaps I should consult with Argus about this._

"You think that's all it is? I thought he had already healed." _And I thought Argus was stronger than this._

Cally was about to say, "That is not what I was referring to." But she decided against it. She couldn't tell Jenna that she sensed something else was going on with the rebel leader. It was none of their business, not unless Argus wished to talk about it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Just when the prisoner thought that he could not take the boredom anymore, his cell door opened. It was the middle of the day, as far as he could tell. This was a break in the routine.

A woman in white walked in. Behind her just outside the door, he could see two black hooded guards before the cell door closed again. For some reason, the sight of them made him shiver.

The prisoner had been sitting on the metal sleep platform, leaning against the wall. But when he saw the woman, he slid forward and sat up straight. He waited for her to speak.

The woman took her time; she wasn't in a hurry. The control was in her hands.

"You look terrible," she finally said to him.

"Thank you," he replied impassively.

She smiled; he still liked playing games.

"How have you enjoyed this game so far?"

"Is _that_ what this has been?" he said sarcastically.

"You must know that it is always a game," she answered.

"And this time _you_ control the board," he said.

"That doesn't sound like much fun."

"Not for one of us. Why am I still alive?"

"I told you that I do not kill people who are useful to me."

"I also remember you said, only if you could control them. Do you think you can control me? Or do you plan to use me, like you did Avon?"

"That might be amusing."

"As amusing as pretending to have me shot?"

She laughed. "I did enjoy that. The look on your face after you told them to wait; and they completely ignored you."

"Stun rifles." His hand went to his chest where the stun charges had hit him. He had been sore for days afterwards. "That was a nice touch, leaving me on the ground afterwards."

"I thought so."

"How long have I been here?"

"Forty-five days."

"What happens now?"

"I haven't decided yet."

He looked at her suspiciously. "So this is just a social visit or did you have something else planned?"

"You don't seem to be enjoying the game anymore. Avon would have."

"I'm not Avon."

Servalan smiled. "No, you're not. That's why I am going to let you out."

He reacted in surprise.

"You shouldn't be surprised. You know that you are too useful for me to kill right now. Especially with the upcoming crisis. We need every advantage we can get."

"So you are taking a chance that you can control me?"

"No."

"I don't understand." _There is still something you haven't told me._

"You may be as intelligent as Avon, but you are not as dangerous as he is."

"And how did you decide that?"

"You are afraid. And you cannot stand losing everything."

For the first time since his imprisonment, Sester laughed.

**********

Vila came down the steps onto the flight deck. He was carrying a full decanter and two glasses.

Argus was sprawled out on one of the couches in the conference area, his feet up on the table, his fingers were laced together behind his head; he was staring at the ceiling. There was a faint smile on his lips and his eyes were focused on something far away.

Vila had never seen the rebel leader in such a relaxed state on the flight deck during a work cycle before. Argus was always focused and very professional when he was on duty.

The rebel leader had been very different since coming back. He had avoided them all. Vila had been waiting for him to get back; in order to confront him about the games with the liquor dispensers but it had not seemed the time. Argus barely ate and he didn't seem to be sleeping. Vila was very concerned. Not that he wasn't concerned about Avon; but Avon had Cally looking after him.

During the anti-detector screen testing, Argus had appeared to be his old self. They had all breathed a sigh of relief. But afterwards, the melancholy, the isolation and lack of apetite had returned. And today, there had been an urgent message for the rebel leader's eyes only.

In Vila's eyes, that kind of communication could not bode anything good. He had decided to come with a peace offering and a reviver. He had not known what to expect when he reached the flight deck. A relaxed and vaguely smiling Argus was definitely not it.

"Good news?" Vila asked as he approached the rebel leader.

Argus turned his head around to see who had entered. "Of a sort."

"I thought you might need a reviver."

"I'm on duty, Vila."

_Why did I bother_, thought Vila, turning to go.

"Wait." Argus had not missed the significance of the gesture. And he was feeling at peace with the world right now.

"I could use a drink. I suppose I can have one," said Argus.

"Don't do it on my account," said Vila, coming back and setting the decanter and the glasses on the table. He filled the two glasses and handed one to Argus.

"Well, are you going to talk about it?" asked Vila after a few minutes of drinking in silence.

"About what?" asked Argus.

"Why you've been moping around like you've lost your best friend?"

Argus looked over at the thief. _I haven't mentioned anything._

"I'd rather not discuss it, Vila," the rebel leader answered.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about?" asked Vila.

"I'd like to just drink, if you don't mind," replied Argus.

"Right."

Actually, Vila was somewhat relieved. He had never been good at having discussions about personal things; but drinking he could do.

**********

Avon buzzed at Argus's door; it was the rebel leader's sleep cycle again.

The door slid open.

"What do you want, Avon?" Argus asked when he saw who it was.

"I wish to discuss the file," replied Avon.

"Now?"

"The rest of the crew is either busy or asleep."

Argus was about to say, "Including me." But he realized that this was going to be difficult enough for the analyst. Avon had deliberately picked this time in order to avoid the other members of the crew.

"Come in," said Argus.

"I have consulted ORAC," said Avon.

_I have too_. Argus had also consulted ORAC, much to the annoyance of the computer. It did not like to repeat the same information.

"It appears it is the only feasible way to break the conditioning," said Avon.

"It carries a great risk."

"I am aware of that."

"Do you think you're strong enough now?"

"There is no point in waiting."

"You want to do it tonight?!" exclaimed Argus when he realized why Avon was there at this hour.

"As I said, there is no point in waiting. The crew will be preoccupied for at least seven or eight hours. No one is scheduled to use the medical unit during that period. I have already set up the relevant equipment and I have ORAC."

Argus could see that Avon was determined.

"Alright, give me a few minutes and I will meet you in the medical bay."

**********

Avon checked the life-sensors on the bio-bed and tested the restraints. He was determined to be free of the conditioning tonight. For two years he had been helpless to anyone who held the triggers to the conditioning. At first it was Servalan and Sester. Then it was the Centre personnel who had activated the phrases which could turn his mind on and off at will.

He had hated every minute of those two years; hated the helplessness as his mind was forced to work for Servalan. Avon wanted his mind to be his own again. Even risking madness in order to break the conditioning was better than knowing that Servalan could use it against him at any time.

As he continued checking the remainder of the equipment, Avon's mind ran over the last few lines in the file from Sester.

"I have only provided the trigger to activate the conditioning, not the one to turn it off. There is an important reason for this. Using the ending trigger only serves to reinforce the conditioning. You will be too tempted to use it. That is why, once the process to break the conditioning begins, you must not stop until it is completed."

_You do like to manipulate the pieces, don't you Sester_, thought Avon. He wondered if the psychostrategist had survived his defiance of Servalan. Avon would not have thought the strategist would have been the one to help him escape.

Avon did not relish doing this. The process which the files had recommended as the only option; was to use conditioning to break the conditioning. Because of the nature of the conditioning which had been programmed into him, the usual therapies would not work and would only end up killing him. Using the original drugs also would not work; not in a reversing process. The only way was to force the mind to find a way to fight it.

The building pressure in the brain could be relieved in two ways; one was for the mind to find a way to control it; the other was to apply a disruptor wave to certain areas of the brain, unfortunately this resulted in alot of pain.

Argus entered the medical bay. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"In a minute." Avon went to the door panel and using a tool taken from his pocket, disconnected various wires.

"What are you doing?"

"Disabling the door. Just in case the process takes longer than expected."

"You're afraid Vila might break in."

"Yes, he has many bad habits."

Argus looked at equipment which Avon had set up. He slid ORAC's key into the computer's slot.

"ORAC, are you connected to the input relays yet?"

"I am ready."

_Odd_, thought Argus. _You normally have more attitude than that. If I didn't know any better, I would think you were also concerned about this._

Once Avon disabled the door, he went to the bio-bed and climbed up onto it. Argus activated the invisible restrictor bands, restraining him across the legs, hip, chest and wrists. He put an sealed headset over the analyst's ears and then rotated a head array into place.

Argus went to sit at the control panel and switched on the relays.

"ORAC, begin monitoring of Avon's brain pattern."

"I am already monitoring."

"You have control of the conditioning array?"

"Yes."

Argus activated the comm connected to Avon's headphones.

"Do you hear me Avon?"

"Yes."

"You're sure about this?"

"Get on with it."

Argus brought up the coded audio file from Sester's files. He executed the file.

"It's time to work, Avon." It was Sester's voice.

_So simple and so deadly_, thought Argus. This was the first time he had heard the file. On the monitor screens, there were various maps of Avon's brain. He could see that the trigger phrase had an immediate effect. Brain waves were increasing in intensity. More areas of the brain were being activated. Respiration and heart rate were increasing.

Three minutes. Four. Five.

On the bio-bed, he could see that Avon was starting to move restlessly against the restraints.

Six. _Come on ORAC._

"What are you waiting for ORAC?"

"It is not optimum time yet."

Seven. All of a sudden, the array of machines surrounding Avon's head turned on, sending several laser beams towards the analyst's head. Avon groaned in pain as the beams penetrated his brain. Voices were now being piped in through the headset.

"How long ORAC?" Argus asked.

"Thirty seconds."

When the beams were released Argus noticed that the brain waves were no longer as intense. Somehow the beams which had penetrated Avon's brain had relieved some of the pressure.

"What is being put through the headphones ORAC?"

"Activate the blue switch on your panel."

Argus did so. Over the comm, came, "Concentrate. You must relax the pressure. Then pain will not be required." The voices droned on. Argus turned the switch off.

Argus could see that despite the admonition to relax the pressure, the brain intensity was beginning to grow again. When it reached the point determined by ORAC, the beams were applied again and the pressure was relieved.

It was a horrifying process to watch.

_The methods used by the Detention Centre were probably even worse_, thought Argus. Though he couldn't imagine anything worse than this as Avon groaned in pain again.

Argus hoped it would not take long.


	6. Chapter 6

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Six

Four hours had passed. The cycle of readings on the monitor screen did not seem any different than when they had started.

"ORAC, I don't see any difference," said Argus.

"You are correct. It appears that focus beams being applied are not providing enough stimulation. Avon's mind requires a longer period without the pressure in order to bring enough concentration to bear."

_I don't think I like where this is going_, thought Argus. "So what are you suggesting ORAC?"

"The focus beams must be intensified to double the current output," replied ORAC.

"That's going to cause a lot more pain."

"That is obvious."

"I'm going to talk to Avon. Don't do anything yet."

"Very well."

Argus waited until the current bout of pain had passed, then turned off the sound being sent to the headphones. He activated the comm.

"Avon."

There was no reply.

"Avon!"

"Stop shouting," replied Avon. His voice sounded strained. "What is wrong?"

"ORAC says that it's not working. The focus beams are not strong enough."

"I was afraid of that. I have not noticed any appreciable difference."

"ORAC wants to double the intensity."

There was a pause as Avon considered this.

"Well, I do not appear to have a choice. Tell ORAC to proceed. And you may want to watch the door."

"Alright." Argus reset the switches. "ORAC, you can go ahead."

Avon screamed. His body was arched against the increased pain but the invisible restrictor bands held him down.

_Oh no_, thought Argus. _The others are going to hear this. No wonder you said to watch the door._

* * *

Vila and Cally rushed out of their separate rooms.

"Did you hear that?" asked Vila.

"Yes, I did. It sounded like someone screaming," replied Cally.

"I don't hear anything now."

"I cannot tell where it came from. Let's wait a few minutes."

A few minutes passed while they both listened intently. But there was no recurrence of the sound.

"Maybe we both imagined it," said Vila. _I hope._

"There must have been a cause."

"Well, I'm going back to bed. I have the next shift on the flight deck," Vila headed back to his cabin.

At that moment there was another scream.

"It came from this direction," said Cally moving down the corridor.

"Uh, Cally." Vila had not moved.

"What is it Vila?" She turned back to look at him.

"Where are Avon and Argus?"

The two mens' cabins were also along this corridor but there was no sign of them.

* * *

Avon moaned in pain as the beams continued to assault his brain. His body struggled against the restraints. All thoughts of where he was was lost as he battled the agony.

The pain was released. Avon slumped back into the bed; gasping for breath. The insistent voices were telling him to concentrate. He remembered vaguely that he had to. _Must try. At least the pressure is gone for a little while._

The reversal process and the increased pain did something which he did not expect. During the original conditioning back at the Federation Special Detention Centre, the specialists had placed blocks on his memory so that he would not remember the process afterwards. WIth this reversal, those blocks were breaking down and he was starting to remember everything.

The conditioning machines had assaulted his mind with pain, drugs and overwhelming impulses; attempting to override his mind and his will even as he screamed in agony. Then when he was too exhausted to fight or provide any kind of resistance; they had continued to assault his helpless mind until it neared the point of collapse. The horror of what they had done to him filled him with anger and an increased resolve to undo what they had done to him.

_I will do this_, he thought. _Even if it kills me.

* * *

_

"How long must this go on ORAC?" asked Argus as he watched the analyst struggling. He was trying to maintain his detached objectivity but it was difficult with someone screaming in pain.

"In conditioning of this type, the best results occur when the subject reaches an exhausted state."

"You didn't tell me that before, ORAC!" accused the rebel leader. This was definitely unwelcome news.

"You did not ask before," replied the computer unit. "Next time be specific with your questions."

_You did not put that in the files, Sester_, thought Argus angrily.

* * *

The screaming had stopped for a few minutes.

"I think it's coming from in here," said Cally; as she and Vila stood outside the medical bay door. Normally the doors opened automatically when approached, unless it was locked. They could hear moaning from the other side of the door.

"What's going on?" wondered Vila aloud. "Avon! Argus! Are you in there?" he said and banged on the door with his fist.

* * *

_I guess they had to find out eventually_, thought Argus as he heard Vila's voice. He got up and went to the door. "Vila, who else is there with you?"

"Cally is here. Jenna is still on the flight deck. We can't find Avon. Is he in there with you?"

Cally added, "It's Cally, Argus. Can you let us in? The door appears to be locked."

"I locked it Cally," replied Argus.

Unfortunately at that moment, Avon screamed again as the reverse-conditioning continued.

* * *

"That's Avon's voice!" exclaimed Vila. "He's the one screaming!"

"Argus, what are you doing in there?" asked Cally. "What is happening with Avon? Is he alright?"

_That's a silly thing to ask_, thought Vila. _He's screaming. Of course, he's not alright._

Argus's voice came through the door again, "He's not alright, but he will be. I need you to trust me Cally. Wait until we are finished and then we will explain. But you need to leave now and allow us to continue."

Cally and Vila looked at each other.

Cally said quietly, so that the rebel leader could not hear her through the door, "Vila, can you get the door open?"

"I'll get my tools." Vila headed back towards his cabin.

"And can you stop by and tell Jenna what is going on?" she called after him.

* * *

There were no more sounds from the other side of the door.

_I hope that door holds_, thought Argus. _I should have brought a weapon in here._

He highly doubted Vila and Cally were just going to leave.

* * *

"What's going on Vila? Who is screaming?" asked Jenna the moment Vila came onto the flight deck. Even though the flight deck was far from the medical unit, she could still hear faint screaming through the ventilator shafts which ran the length of the ship.

"It's Avon. Argus is doing something to him in the medical bay. We can't get the door open. It's locked. I'm going to get my tools and open it. Cally sent me to tell you."

"Why would Argus do that? What did Avon do?" asked Jenna.

"I don't know. It's all very mysterious. I've got to go," Vila headed out again.

"Let me know what you find out. Or if you need any help," Jenna called after him.

* * *

_Maybe I should just tell them_, thought Argus as he heard sounds at the door again. _It must be Vila trying to get the door open._

The situation had changed since they had to increase the intensity of the focus beams; causing more pain and the resultant screams. Keeping the information from the crew was no longer a viable option.

"Cally. Vila. I need you to stop what you are doing and listen."

The sounds stopped.

"Alright, we're listening Argus." It was Cally's voice.

"When Avon was at the Detention Centre, he was given a form of conditioning. It is dangerous for him if this is not reversed. The only way to break the conditioning is to attempt a form of reverse-conditioning. That is what we are attempting to do now. Avon has agreed to this. I know, if he were able to now, he would ask you to let us continue."

Argus stopped and listened for their response. He could hear muffled whispering.

"Argus, maybe we can help. Let us in."

"No, Cally. The last thing Avon would want is for you to see this."

Avon screamed again. They all waited until it was over.

"How long will this take?" Cally asked.

"Wait a minute."

Argus crossed over to ORAC, "ORAC, how much longer will this process take?"

"It depends on the strength and will of the subject."

"That may take days! This is Avon we're talking about." Argus was really starting warm Vila's idea of dumping ORAC out the airlock.

"That is an exaggeration. The process should take another twelve hours. There may be a way to speed up the process," said ORAC.

"Why didn't you say that before! How?"

"There are drugs which will weaken the physical condition. This will result in the subject achieving the state of exhaustion much quicker. It will cut the time required by half."

"What are these drugs?" asked the rebel leader. "Do we have any onboard?"

"Cally will be familiar with these drugs," suggested ORAC.

Argus went to the door again and started reconnecting the wires which Avon had disconnected.

"Cally, I am going to let you in. ORAC said that there are drugs which will help speed up the process. I don't know what they are."

"Alright," was the reply.

"But I'm only letting you in. Vila, I do not want to see you when I open the door."


	7. Chapter 7

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Seven

"This is monstrous. I will not aid you in doing this," said Cally once she was let in and saw what they were doing.

"We have to Cally. If we stop now, Avon is going to go mad and die. Do you want that?" Argus asked her.

"I cannot believe you decided to do this."

Argus sighed. "We didn't have a choice. Avon preferred this rather than continue living with the conditioning hanging over his head."

"What kind of conditioning is worth this?"

Argus realized that he had to give her more information in order to obtain her cooperation. He crossed over to a data terminal and recalled the coded file regarding the conditioning.

"Here, read this," he told her, indicating the screen.

Cally sat down and read the file.

What she read made her ill. "They did this to him?"

"Yes."

"I can see why he would have wanted to risk the reversal rather than continue the way things are. I will help you."

"Do you know the drugs ORAC is referring to?"

"Yes, they are weakening drugs which they used on him at the Detention Centre. They interfere with the body's ability to produce adrenaline, depress the seratonin level and various other effects."

"Do we have them here?"

"Not the same ones, no. The medical stores do have similar ones which are not as harmful but will produce the same effects."

"Can you get them?"

"We will have to monitor his condition carefully once we give him the drugs. They will make it harder for him to fight the pain."

"We don't have a choice, Cally."

She went to get the drugs.

Avon screamed again.

* * *

Right before Cally administered the weakening drugs, Argus used the comm to speak to Avon.

"Avon, I know you can't answer me right now so just listen. We are going to inject you with the same kind of weakening drugs they gave you at the Detention Centre. ORAC says that this will accelerate the process of reversing the conditioning. Do not be alarmed when you start feeling them take effect."

He nodded to Cally.

* * *

"Captain Mayner, anything to report on the scanners?" asked Commander Reya Reve as she entered the command deck of a fast pursuit ship.

"Nothing to report, Commander Reve. Same as before."

Her unit had been in quadrant eight for two days and absolutely nothing had happened. No sign of unusual activity. Nothing.

"Either the prior reports were wrong, or whoever it is, is aware of our presence and is concealing themselves," said Reya.

Mayner nodded in agreement. "What do we do now Commander?"

Reya brought up the reports on the terminal screen. They described a large sphere, the size of ten heavy battlecruisers. _Not something which should be able to hide easily. But it does, _thought Reya. _That would be a useful capability._

The sphere appeared in random places and no one had been able to track its path. A couple of ships which encountered it had been destroyed but several civilian and transport ships had been left unscathed. So far, it had not yet ventured from quadrant eight. _Interesting, it only appears to attack armed ships._

"Bring up the quadrant map," said Reya.

A holographic star map appeared.

"I want to see the coordinates where the sightings were reported. Indicate them according to time increments," Reya instructed.

A dozen red spots began appearing on the map.

They all studied it. The spots seemed to be all over the quadrant map. There was no logical grouping or specific path. Following it by time increments also did not help; there did not appear to be a pattern. First a small asteroid in one end of the map, then another asteroid in the middle of the map, and another towards the top of the map. Then the three moons above a dead planet. In total about a dozen sightings.

"That's odd," mused Reya. She wondered why the data analysts had not spotted it.

"Sir?" said Mayner. He knew his commander had instincts which he did not understand. She appeared to be able to see things the rest of them didn't.

"It's almost as if it was conducting an investigation," she said.

"I don't understand."

"Take a look at where it has been spotted. Asteroids, moons, small planets. There are several large planets in this quadrant but there have been no sightings there. Either it is avoiding them, or it is looking for something."

"But why is it all over the quadrant?"

"I don't know. Yet. I want to see how many other astral bodies fit in the general category of what it appears to be looking for. Show them on the map."

Several dozen green points appeared on the map.

Captain Mayner guessed what she had in mind. "Assuming you are correct Commander, that's too many to track," he said.

"True. So let us see if we can narrow it down. Since it appears to be avoiding signs of civilization, let's remove all the ones within sensor range of a populated body," directed Reya.

Two dozen green points were left on the map.

"That's better, but still too many," said Reya. She studied the red points and their time increments again.

"It's random," she remarked.

"Yes, Commander. There doesn't appear to be a pattern," Mayner said.

"It's very deliberately random," she said again but this time with a confidence which confused Mayner.

Mayner looked at her with a puzzled expression. It was obvious she saw something, but he couldn't figure out what.

"We need to get back to Zirgon," she told him. "We need access to the long range comm array and we're going to need help." Zirgon was Borel's base.

Mayner continued to have a puzzled look. For some reason, there was also a slight smile on her face now.

* * *

Servalan observed the man who sat across from her desk at the Presidential Palace. He looked tired and there was a subdued air to him. He wore his normal clothing but he did not seem to be comfortable in them.

"Welcome back," Servalan greeted him.

"Madame President," Sester replied.

"You didn't think you would be back here, did you?" she asked.

"On the contrary, there was an even chance that I would either be here or dead."

"Or at the Detention Centre?"

"Not at the Detention Centre, at least not for long. As you have pointed out, I am not Avon."

The Federation President smiled. _My tamed psychostrategist. _She wondered how long it would take for the attitude to return.

"I did come very close to having you killed," she told him.

"I thought as much. But you had made the decision not to; long before the little charade in the cell."

Servalan smiled. She had almost forgotten how perceptive the psychostrategist could be. _We are going to need that perceptiveness. For now._

"You thought you could talk your way out of it," she said. _As you always do._

"That was my plan, yes," he admitted.

"Which was the greater shock that they shot you? Or that they ignored you before they shot you?" she asked.

_You really are determined to make this a lesson, aren't you?_ he thought. He did not answer and only stared at her impassively.

She continued when it was clear he was not going to respond.

"And afterwards, did you like the waiting? I thought that was a nice touch. Not knowing if the interrogators were coming for you. Then realizing that you weren't important enough to be tortured. Which is worse for you, do you think? Being isolated and left to _not_ die or being tortured to death. I think for you, it would be the former."

"Enough, Servalan," he told her in a cold voice.

"Madame President," she corrected him.

"Madame President." The psychostrategist nodded his acceptance of her correction. He realized how far he had fallen. "Your point has been made."

She smiled. There was no smile in her eyes. "Has it? You are only alive now because you are useful to me and to the Federation."

"I am aware of that." _That is the only reason anyone survives your attention_, thought Sester. _Even Avon._

"Remember to remain useful," she warned him.

Sester nodded.

"But if you try my patience again, even your usefulness will not protect you."

"Yes, Madame President," he acknowledged. He realized he would most likely be watched carefully from now on.

* * *

Avon was exhausted but he was able to hold off the pain for longer periods of time now. His mind was regaining control.

The pressure was beginning to build again. He desperately struggled to hold it back; he did not want the pain.

"How long has it been this time ORAC?" asked Argus.

"Nineteen minutes and two seconds," replied the computer unit. "This is an improvement of twenty three point nine percent."

They could all see that the brain intensity was slowly and inexorably increasing again. It was approaching nine hours since they had started. Avon screamed as the disruptor beams penetrated his brain again.

Argus was suffering from a bad headache. The screaming did not help but he refused to take a pain blocker until this was finished.

"How much longer ORAC?" asked Cally. She had been observing with a cold detachment. It was the only way she could carry on. Avon needed her to remain objective.

It was difficult; given her telepathic ability, Cally was aware of Avon on a level which made it much harder for her. She could not hear his thoughts, but at the edge of her awareness, she could feel his pain and struggle; his exhaustion and strength of will.

ORAC replied, "The brain pattern is showing a marked realignment in the relevant areas. At the present rate, the process should take an additional one hour, twelve minutes and forty-two seconds."

"ORAC, I would like to inject a mild stimulant and something to replenish his fluids and energy level," Cally told it. "Avon's readings indicate that he is close to physical collapse. Would that affect the process?"

"That is acceptable," said the computer unit after a few seconds.

Cally picked up an injector and crossed over to where Avon lay. His eyes were closed in strain; he was struggling for control again. He was drenched in sweat and was breathing heavily. His face was tired and pale. She gave him the various injections and then held one of his hands in hers.

_Keep fighting Avon_ she projected to him. _You are doing well_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Vila held his hands over his ears again until the screaming stopped. Even though he could barely hear it on the flight deck, for him it sounded very loud; because he knew what it sounded like while he was standing outside the medical bay doors. The thief really wanted a drink; he needed one. But while Avon was undergoing this terrible pain, Vila had promised himself that he would not touch a drop of alcohol.

_If Avon can stand this, then I can stand being without alcohol for a few hours, _he thought when he originally had made this decision.

_It's been more than a few hours now, _thought Vila_. No, Vila! You have to do this for Avon! _He told himself.

This really was an illogical idea but for some reason it made him feel better. It helped strengthened his resolve.

"There is an incoming communication," reported Zen.

"Who is it from Zen?" asked Vila.

"Communication header indicates source as the planet Zirgon, in the Athol Territories in Sector Ten. Command headquarters of General Borel Reve. Message addressed to Commander Argus."

"_Commander_ Argus?" asked Vila, unfamiliar with this title.

"Confirmed. That is the form of address in the message."

Vila knew that Argus was busy with Avon in the medical bay. He would have to take the communication.

"Zen, put the communication on the main viewscreen."

"Confirmed."

A face immediately appeared on the screen. A man with a strong jaw and a youthful appearance showed on the screen. He wore an officer's uniform. Vila recognized the young man as General Borel Reve; one of the Reve brothers involved in the civil war currently going on in Sector Ten.

"General," Vila acknowledged. "What can I do for you?"

The man looked surprised.

"I was looking for Argus," the man on the screen said.

"He's unavailable at the moment. But I can relay any message you have for him," said Vila.

The man appeared to think this over then he said, "Very well. Can you tell him that we need him to return here. We have been tracking something unusual in one of the remote quadrants and believe that we will need the services of your computer unit."

"You want access to ORAC?"

"Yes, I believe that is what Argus called it."

"Are you sure?" asked Vila. In his opinion, anyone who wanted the headache of dealing with ORAC was not possessed of all the facts.

"Can you tell Commander Argus that Commander Reve is returning from quadrant eight with the relevant details?"

_Why are we hip deep in Commanders all of a sudden_? Thought Vila.

"I will relay the message, General. Is there anything else?"

"No. That is all. Reve out."

_I wonder what that is all about_, thought Vila. He activated the ship's comm to the medical bay.

"Argus."

"Yes, Vila?" the rebel leader replied after a few seconds.

Vila relayed the message from the general.

There were a few moments of silence then an answering reply, "Vila, have the nav computers plot a course to Zirgon and get us under way. Speed standard by ten."

"Alright," replied Vila.

* * *

Borel smiled as he turned off his viewscreen. Argus didn't really have to come back. All they needed to do was relay Reya's information and have the ORAC computer compute the required information. But by keeping the information to a minimum when speaking with Vila, they would not be able to figure that out.

Borel knew that Argus would probably jump at any reason to come back but he was not going to take that chance.

The young general loved his sister very much. It disturbed him greatly to see her so unhappy. The last time he had seen her so troubled was when their father had broken her heart. He had hated his father then; as much as he loved him. Borel could never forgive him for not loving Reya just because she was not one of his sons.

When they were growing up, Reya had always protected her younger brother from their father's wrath; even though it would put her in an even worse position. Borel had never been ambitious, not in the way their father had wanted; and his father always tried to force him to become more ruthless. The young general had never been that kind of person and his father had become increasingly frustrated with him.

His sister was the only one who encouraged Borel when he joined the military and proved to be a brilliant tactician. He remembered Reya standing defiantly in front of her father one day when he threatened to disown her for continually supporting with her brother in defiance of his wishes.

"You cannot disown someone you never even bother to acknowledge as your own!" she had shouted at him. He had almost hit her that day. Borel had been afraid for her then. He did not want his sister to protect him; did not want her to risk herself for his sake; but she was stubborn.

_You were always much too stubborn, Reya. And you were determined that no one would ever be able to love you. You tried to make certain of that. _It was part of the reason she had such a rocky relationship with Argus. _You are both too stubborn and too strong for your own good, _he thought.

Borel was stubborn too. Nothing would stop him from doing this. The young general was applying his tactical skills again. He had a very specific goal in mind.

_You'd probably kill me if you found out what I was doing Reya_, thought Borel smiling. But he was willing to risk even her wrath, if he could get this to work.

* * *

Reya lay on her bunk on the fast pursuit ship as it headed back to Zirgon. There was a thoughtful look on her face and a faint smile on her lips as she waited for sleep. She would be able to speak to Argus again and maybe give him a hard time; and she would be able to see him again. It was not as good as being with him but it was enough.

The commander was never one for sentimentality and had always ridiculed people who found it necessary to hear from loved ones constantly.

_I wonder if it feels like this for them,_ she thought. _Is it always this strong? How can they stand it?_

Reya did not know whether she liked this. It was scary that it seemed like a drug she could not do without.

_What are you doing to me Argus?_

It also did not help that sometimes when she thought of him, she could almost feel his lips on hers again.

Her mind went back to that day in her quarters at the castle; after he had just asked her to come with him and she told him that she couldn't.

_"You're wonderful," he had told her. The look on his face had been one of wonder and affection. It made her feel both uncomfortable and happy at the same time._

_"I know. Now will you leave?"_

_"Alright. But I have one more thing to do." He took her in his arms and kissed her._

His lips were gentle and insistent. She had been able to feel his passion then.

Reya shook her head, trying to shake away the memory and the recalled sensation. She got up.

_Maybe some exercise will help. _A few sparring sessions always helped to take her mind off things.

* * *

"Where are you Avon? What are you doing?" Servalan wondered as she prepared herself for sleep. "Have you recovered from what we did to you yet?"

Avon's words haunted her sleep.

_I would rather be free and go slowly insane rather than spend another day trapped here under your control.__Perhaps I will end up killing myself. But at least I would be free._

She had always known that being imprisoned was something Avon never accepted. Even after all those years of being broken repeatedly, his spirit still fought to be free.

_My poor Avon. You survived and now you are free._

No one understood her as well as he did; this was even truer now than ever. But he had walked away from her. She wondered what would happen the next time they met.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"The new neural pathways have been firmly established and are functioning with minimal conscious maintenance," reported ORAC.

It had been forty-two minutes since the last application of the disruptor waves to Avon's brain. It appeared that the current pattern was holding.

"How much longer do we have to wait ORAC?" asked Argus.

"Another eighteen minutes should be sufficient," replied ORAC.

_Hold on Avon,_ thought Cally.

Argus and Cally both felt drained but they knew it was nothing compared to what Avon was experiencing.

* * *

When it was finally over Argus deactivated the restrictor bands. Avon's breathing was weak and thready and he was barely conscious.

Cally was checking his condition using a bio-scanner.

"How is he?" Argus asked her.

"He's very weak, his body functions are severely depressed and he will require much rest; but otherwise he is fine," said Cally. There was great relief in her voice.

"Good." Argus was also relieved.

Cally brought the medical scanner further down to Avon's knee. The one which kept bothering him but refused to allow her to look at.

Argus stopped her, pushing the scanner away from the knee.

"No Cally. We will not do it without his consent. Especially not after this," he told her.

Cally nodded. _I should have thought of that. I'm supposed to be the one who is sensitive. _She put the scanner down.

"You should go now. I will do the rest," Argus told her. "Avon doesn't know yet that I am not the only who knows about his conditioning. He will have to find out eventually. But for now when he wakes up, it's better that he doesn't know yet."

"Yes, you're right." Before she left, Cally patted Avon's chest.

_Rest Avon_ she projected to him along with feelings of comfort and reassurance.

She still felt the deep sense of damage whenever she touched his mind but she hoped that with what he had been able achieved today, one day he would be whole again.

Cally left the medical bay.

* * *

After Cally left, Argus injected various fluids and nutritional supplements into Avon's arm to replenish what he had expended during his struggle. He pushed away the head array and removed the headphones.

The analyst's breathing was easier now, though it was still very weak. He was starting to move.

Avon opened his eyes and blinked at the bright lights over head. He brought his hands up to block the light. He had a blinding headache and he was exhausted but there was something he had to know.

The light was turned down.

"Thank you," he said. His voice was raspy and his throat was sore and dry.

"How are you feeling, Avon?" said Argus.

"Alive," the analyst replied. "Did it work?"

"Yes," the rebel leader told him. "ORAC says that the necessary neural pathways have been established."

"I need to know for certain," Avon told him.

The rebel leader hesitated then said, "You're right."

He went to the data terminal and recalled the sound file.

Over the speakers, a phrase was played, "It's time to work Avon."

This time Avon heard the phrase.

_So the reversal undid that as well, _thought Avon. It was the first time he had consciously heard the phrase since the conditioning had programmed his responses to it.

The two men waited.

Avon dispassionately searched his mind. There did not appear to be any pressure.

"ORAC."

"Yes, Avon," the computer responded immediately.

"Is there any change in brain intensity?"

"No. All current brain activity is registering within normal operational parameters."

"As eloquent as ever," remarked Avon.

"You have your proof," said Argus. To have gone through all that only to have it not work, would have been horrifying.

Now that his mind was reassured, Avon felt intensely tired; the headache seemed to make his mind feel heavy.

"Yes," agreed Avon. He was about to ask that Argus return him to his cabin so that the others would not know, but exhaustion overtook him and he passed out.

"Avon?" Argus said. When there was no response, he checked the medical scanner and saw that Avon was only unconscious and was now sleeping. The rebel leader remembered to inject the drug which would allow Avon to sleep without the nightmares bothering him.

_You've already had enough nightmares today_, thought Argus.

* * *

After a night of sleep, Argus did not feel any more rested. He still had a headache. His sleep had been plagued by another nightmare he could not remember.

Things were looking up though: Avon had beaten the conditioning, and the ship was scheduled to arrive at Zirgon within the hour.

Argus went to the medical bay to check on Avon. The analyst was still sleeping, tended to by Cally.

"How is he? Has he woken up yet?" asked Argus.

"His body is recovering from the ordeal. He will likely not wake up for another twelve hours," said Cally. "I will stay with him."

"Make sure you get some rest yourself," Argus told her.

"I will." She was about to suggest that Argus looked like he needed more rest as well; but he was already on his way out.

"I am going down to Zirgon. Keep me informed if anything develops," he told Cally before he left.

* * *

"General Reve."

"Commander Argus. Welcome back."

"I never thought I would be back so soon. What is this unusual phenomenon you mentioned to Vila?"

The two men were meeting in Borel's office on Zirgon.

_Always the operation first,_ thought Borel. This was something he understood; but this time Borel also had another agenda.

"Isn't there anything else you want to ask me first?" Borel asked.

"I'm not sure what you mean?"

Borel sighed.

"Never mind," he said. He proceeded to relay the few details which Reya had reported on. As he did, Borel paid close attention to the rebel leader. The man looked strained and tired but he was fully focused on the current problem.

"So there is no discernable pattern?" Argus asked when Borel was finished.

"There doesn't seem to be. It definitely poses a threat, especially if it ventures out of quadrant eight. There is no way to track it or predict where it will show up. And most of the ships which have encountered it have been destroyed, including one of our heavy cruisers."

"That definitely is a problem. What can we do to help?"

"Reya thinks she has found something and she thinks that your computer unit, ORAC may be able to help."

"Does she say how?"

"She didn't specify but she is scheduled to arrive tomorrow morning. You can talk to her then."

When Argus was in operational mode, nothing personal existed for him. Even the news that Reya was arriving soon made no difference to him.

_You really are a cold one when you are focused_, thought Borel. _That's what makes the both of you so good_.

When they finally finished discussing the situation Borel said, "I would like to extend my hospitality to you. You are welcome to stay here at the castle tonight."

"Thank you. I would like that," said Argus. Now that they were no longer discussing business, Argus allowed himself to think about personal concerns. He didn't want to go back to the ship tonight. Cally was taking care of Avon. The analyst would sleep at least until tomorrow. Nothing urgent required his attention.

Staying here at the castle made Reya's imminent arrival seem even closer.

"You look tired," remarked Borel.

"It's been a long few weeks."

"Do you swim?" asked Borel.

"Yes. Although it has been along time. Why do you ask?" Argus was puzzled at the strange question.

"There's a place I go to when I need to be alone. It's quiet and peaceful. A good place when you don't want anything artificial around you."

That sounded like an appealing idea. Argus did not really want company tonight; he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Waiting was a private thing.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Argus reached the end of the forest path. The view of the lake was magnificent. Borel was right, it was a good place to relax and be alone. There were no signs of civilization.

He took in a deep breath, his chest expanding with clean air; it was so different from the stale, lifeless recycled air of ships or domes. It brought memories of a long distant childhood and a trip to one of the outer planets; long before ideas of duty and decisions of life and death.

He wondered if Reya knew about this place. _You probably do_. He smiled. _There isn't a lot that can be hidden from you._

A half moon reflected over the surface, giving the water a silvery quality. He could see that the water was clear. It had been along time since he had a swim for enjoyment. He stripped down to his briefs, carelessly dropping his clothes in a pile by the lake.

The water was refreshingly cool as he waded in until it reached his chest. He pushed off and began to swim. He moved with an easy power and the grace of an acrobat. It was mesmerizing to watch him. There was a joy of movement in every stroke. He had broad shoulders; his body was lean and he ripped through the water like a knife. His waist was tapered and his muscles rippled as he moved.

**********

"Where is he?" Reya demanded as she burst into Borel's office just off the command centre. For some reason it sounded like she wanted to do major damage to someone.

"Where is who?" asked Borel innocently.

"You know who," Reya said warningly. She was not about to take any nonsense from anyone right now. "His ship is in orbit over the planet! Why didn't you tell me he was coming? What is he doing here? I didn't ask him to come. Where is he?"

There was undisguised anger in her voice. She really sounded like she wanted to hurt someone and he doubted it was him.

_Why are you so angry?_ Borel was puzzled. _This is not the reaction I was expecting. Maybe this isn't such a good idea._

"Oh you mean Argus," he said.

"Borel," Reya said. The way she said his name was like a veiled threat.

The young general almost winced. He wondered if he should protect Argus from her wrath by not telling her where he was. It was his doing after all. He had thought that by bringing them together that something positive might happen.

Borel looked at his sister. So much energy emanated from her that she seemed to burst with it. _There is such a thin line between love and hate_, he thought. He knew they did not hate each other. _Then what is this?_

He decided that the two of them needed to find out what it was. It was making them miserable not knowing.

"I sent him down to the lake," he told her.

She was about to ask him why but instead she turned around and stormed out.

_I hope I'm doing the right thing_, thought Borel. _If they don't come back by tomorrow morning, I hope I won't need to send out a burial detail._

**********

After a refreshing swim, Argus came out of the lake. The water dripped down his body, making it glisten in the moonlight. He lay down in the soft white sand and looked up into the clear night sky. Argus was relaxed now; there was no restlessness. Reya was coming and he would patiently wait for her.

_I wonder which direction you will be coming from._

Without warning, someone launched themselves at him. On instinct he quickly rolled. The body impacted the sand where he had been lying. A hand reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could roll completely out of the way.

The hand continued to keep its grip on his wrist as they both struggled to get up without allowing an advantage to the opponent.

"You!" Argus exclaimed at his opponent.

"Hello Argus," said Reya.

"What are you doing?"

"I would have thought that would be obvious."

"Let go of my wrist."

"No."

Her grip was like iron. She was very strong. Not as strong as he was, of course, but more than strong enough to be a challenge.

She smiled at him.

"So you want to play?" he asked.

"Don't you?"

He smiled.

"I thought Borel said you weren't coming back until tomorrow?" He asked as he rushed forward suddenly, causing her to stagger back and make a quick turn. The turn saved her from falling.

He smiled, "Not bad."

"You've got to do better than that. Who told you I was coming back tomorrow?" she asked. Reya used her grip on his wrist and tried to apply a wrist lock. Argus reacted instantly and countered her movement.

"Your brother told me," he told her. They both realized Borel had not told him the truth. "I suppose he told you that I was here?"

"Yes," she replied even as Argus tried to make her lose her balance by suddenly pulling her forward.

"Oh no you don't," she told him as she lowered her centre of gravity almost to the ground; making her almost impossible to move.

_Very good_, he thought. "Your brother is a troublemaker."

"Amongst other things," she said. "Wait until I get my hands on him."

"You haven't even gotten your hands on me yet," Argus told her in a mock challenge.

"I'll deal with you first," she replied also in a light tone.

They were both enjoying themselves.

Reya straightened up and moved backwards; he followed cautiously. Without warning, she fell onto her back and tried to flip him up and over her.

He reached forward and negated her movement; and fell on top of her. His entire body weight was now held up by her outstretched arms.

"How strong are you?" he asked, as he pressed his advantage by adding additional pressure.

She was strong enough to hold up his weight, but she was no match against the additional force. Reya felt her arms begin to weaken but she was not concerned; she could not be defeated by straight strength alone, not when there were so many other possibilities. One did not fight strength with strength when your opponent had the greater strength.

Her hands were pressed flat against his bare chest. She could feel the hardness and definition of his muscles. Reya allowed one of her elbows to bend, meaning that the left side of his body was closer to her than the other. He was now on an angle. She smiled, rolled her body quickly and pushed with her right hand and pulled with her left. He was rolled onto his back; Reya quickly rolled on top of him.

"This doesn't quite give you the same advantage," he remarked.

"You don't think so?"

Neither of them was even breathing faster.

Her palm pushed against his chest and she held one of his wrists against the sand.

_You feel good, _she thought.

Back in Borel's office, she had so many powerful and conflicting emotions that it had made her angry. She did not like losing control and they were threatening to overwhelm her. Reya had come down to the lake intent on confronting the source of those feelings; but when she saw Argus rise out of the lake, the water dripping down his muscled body, other feelings began to surface. The sight of him had calmed her; then she had an illogical desire to see what that magnificent body was capable of; that was when she had attacked him.

Reya found her hand beginning to feel the smoothness of his chest, following his defined muscles.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Her touch felt good. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Are we finished?"

"Not quite. Now quiet."

She rolled partially off him so she could access more of his body. Her hand slid down. She could feel his sculpted abdominal muscles. There did not appear to be any part of him which was not muscled.

His breathing was quicker and deeper now. He watched her as she explored his body. She was very focussed. Even as his body felt good under her hands; her hands felt good on his body. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensations.

She smiled as she saw his eyes close; she could feel him responding to her touch. After awhile, her hand wandered down further. At this his eyes opened and he grabbed her hand.

"Don't start something you're not prepared to finish," he warned her lightly.

"I always finish what I start," she told him.

The hand which had grabbed hers began to trace its way up her arm, then over her shoulder. She was still wearing her uniform. _We need to remedy that_, he thought. _It's only fair_.

Gripping her shoulder he flipped her onto her back and rolled partially on top of her, pinning her down. "Oh," she exclaimed in surprise.

He smiled down at her.

"Do you really want this?" he asked her. He needed to be sure; she was too important to him to make a mistake.

"Don't you?" she asked in return. It was not until she had rolled on top of him and felt her body pressed against his that she realized what was going to happen. She never knew she could want someone so badly.

That was all the encouragement he needed.

With a speed which surprised them both, they were both naked and in each others arms. The light of the half moon reflected off their bodies as they moved passionately against each other. Like their relationship, their love-making was both a battle and cooperation between equals.

Argus ran his right hand lightly down the length of her spine; causing her to arch and press herself against his body. She sighed with pleasure at the contact of their flesh along so many points. He was strong and hard and she could feel the heat of his body penetrating hers.

Argus sighed with contentment at her response. Her body was both hard and soft; and seemed to fit perfectly against his. After all of their fighting and conflict, he could not believe how responsive she was to him.

"You're terrible," she told him even as he made light teasing circles with his fingers against a sensitive spot in her lower back; causing her to move and rub herself against him. The sensations were almost overwhelming; she bit back a moan.

"I know," he said as he kissed her passionately.

They enjoyed teasing each other; seeing how close they could bring each other to the edge without going over. It was a contest of wills; an exquisite agony. By the end their passion had become almost primal as they strained towards the climax. When it finally came it was shattering; moving in a single rhythm together they clung to each other as wave after wave of blinding pleasure washed over them; it was a hard earned victory.

**********

Afterwards she lay in his arms as their breathing returned to normal.

"You're wonderful," she said as her hand absently traced one of his ribs.

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to say to you?" he said amused. "Does that mean you're going to stop giving me a hard time?"

"No. Someone has to keep you in line," she smiled. "Besides, if I were to be nice to you, you'd die of shock."

He laughed. "I'd probably think something was wrong."

"My brother really is a troublemaker."

"And you're not?" he said with a grin.

"Only for you," she replied, also with a grin and hugged him.

With her head against his chest, she felt at peace. It was a strange feeling for her; but it also produced sadness; because she knew it could not last.

She sighed. "I just wish…"

He touched his fingers to her lips. "I know." He tilted her head up towards him. "One day, our priorities will be different," he told her.

There was such earnestness in his brown eyes that she wanted to believe him. She said sadly, "But not today."

"No. Not today."

_I hope that we will both live to see that day_, thought Reya. She reached up and ran her fingers through his short hair. "Can I call you Drel?"

"No!" he said with a sudden force that immediately made him feel terrible. "I'm sorry. I've always hated that name. No one calls me that. Everyone just calls me Argus." There had been a time he used another name. A nickname to cover up the hated name. But that was a name of much younger and more innocent days. It didn't belong to him now.

He bent his head down and kissed her gently. They still had a few hours until morning.


	11. Chapter 11

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Eleven

Avon opened his eyes and found himself still in the medical bay. He had hoped to wake up back in his cabin.

He still had a headache and though he still felt tired, he was no longer exhausted. He actually felt lighter; he wondered if it was an effect of breaking the conditioning. Avon looked around.

"Hello Avon," Cally greeted him. In her hands was a bio-scanner which she proceeded to use on him.

"Cally," Avon said in a neutral voice. She was an unwelcomed sight. It meant that the rest of the crew knew about the conditioning and what he had done to break it. He hated the sympathy he knew was to come.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"What do your readings tell you?"

"They only tell me about your physical condition," Cally said. She realized that Argus had been right. The last thing Avon wanted was to have the crew know what had happened. She changed the nature of her question. "Are you feeling any residual effects? Headaches or pain of any kind?"

"Slight headache." He said without any emotion. Avon knew what she had just done. For him it was even worse than open sympathy; it meant that she was trying to be careful, trying not to upset him.

If he was a more expressive man, he would have probably scowled. Instead he said, "I would like to go back to my cabin to rest."

_You're trying to isolate yourself again,_ thought Cally. She knew that it probably would be difficult for him to face anyone for the next few days. Especially since they all knew.

"You're going to need help," she told him.

Avon wanted to refuse her help but he calculated that it would be less of an embarrasment to accept her help in order to go back to his cabin; than to attempt it on his own, collapse partway there and still have to be helped; and potentially running into Vila or Jenna as well.

"Alright."

* * *

When General Reve woke up the next morning and found that neither Reya nor Argus had made it back to their rooms during the night, he had been glad. It meant that his plan had worked. When it got onto the mid-morning and they both still had not shown up, he was starting to get worried. Both of them were early risers. Borel wondered if he really did need to send out a burial detail. Or at least a search party and a team of field healers.

He need not have worried. The two commanders returned to the castle just before noon. They were impeccably dressed; Reya in her uniform and Argus in his dark blue jacket and black pants. They showed no outwards physical signs that anything had happened.

"Sorry General. I fell asleep by the lake and overslept. You were right it was a very restful place," Argus said with a straight face.

_Did you get any sleep at all?_ mused Borel. "And what's your excuse sister?" Borel asked.

Reya had been studying Borel since she entered the room; she knew her brother very well.

"It's no use lying to him," she told Argus. "Especially since _you_ planned this," she accused her brother.

"And it worked," Borel said unrepentingly.

"Next time stick to playing with your toy soldiers," she told him angrily.

There was so much anger in her voice that both Argus and Borel looked at her in astonishment.

With Argus she had allowed herself to become vulnerable. As they had shared their passion for the first time she had opened herself up to him. But now in the light of day she felt naked and exposed. It was not something she was used to and she did not like it. She felt threatened. When she was threatened, her defence was always to go on the attack. Her anger would not be satisfied until it found a target.

Reya's anger turned to Argus now. "You were supposed to wake us up," she said angrily, her tone clearly indicating that this was his fault. "Why did _you_ let this _happen_?" she accused him illogically. The unspoken message was loud and clear. _Why did you let this happen to me? _

Her anger had turned so swiftly and so decidedly towards Argus that it shocked him. For some reason, whenever she attacked him every word hit deep.

Argus felt a brief stab of pain; his defences instantly went back up. He had made himself vulnerable to her during their night together; it unnerved him to still be so vulnerable. He had known that she would continue with their adversarial relationship; she had already told him she would. But he had been unprepared for how quickly she could turn on him after what they had shared the previous night.

Borel almost groaned aloud. _Reya! No!_

The general wanted to shout at his sister and shake her by the shoulders. Witnessing Reya and Argus's relationship really was like watching an accident waiting to happen; many accidents, each one worse than the last. The young general wondered if it would be any use locking them in a room again until they resolved this new crisis they had created.

It was obvious something significant had happened between the two of them during the night. He could almost feel the stronger connection between them. It had made things better; and it also seemed to have made things much worse.

_How is that possible?_ Borel thought; not understanding their relationship at all.

The brief look of hurt on Argus's face stopped Reya in her tracks. She had insulted him many times in the past, had said many unkind words but she had never seen that look of pain in his eyes before.

"Next time set your own chronometer," he said coldly.

As with everything in their lives, Argus and Reya never did anything halfway. When they had made themselves vulnerable to each other during the night, it had been complete; their nakedness had not just been physical. Returning to their normal relationship in the day, neither of them had been prepared for how devastating that vulnerability could be.

_Being the two of you must be so painful_, Borel thought. It was both beautiful and terrible to watch them.

"General, would you leave us alone please," Argus told Borel. The rebel leader's voice was firm and even. There was no expression on his face.

The young general hesitated. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to leave them alone; but he knew it wasn't up to him. Borel left them in his office.

There was silence in the room now; two people buried in their own thoughts. Neither wanting to break the silence because they were afraid every word would be their last together; and that terrified them.

Finally Argus broke the silence. "What's wrong, Reya?" His voice was insistent but unemotional.

"I don't know what you mean," Reya said, equally unemotional.

"We can't keep doing this. I won't keep doing this," he told her.

"I hate you."

He looked hard at her; they both knew she was lying.

"Really?" he said cynically.

She had been so hard on him for months; now it was his turn. He would not let her go without a fight.

He continued; his truth was unrelenting. "When we leave this room, either our relationship will be finished or we will have something else; because what we had is killing us after what happened last night."

"And what _did_ happen last night?" she challenged him.

Argus considered his own response carefully. She was not the only one who had to face the truth.

He could have thrown the question back to her and forced her to answer it. It would have been very easy; but he didn't. Argus could never force her. He could stand being hurt; but he would never hurt her.

Argus decided it was time for some honesty; from him.

"I love you Reya," he told her simply. "I have since the first time you insulted me."

Reya bowed her head. Between them, as hurt demanded hurt, so truth demanded truth. She replied softly, "I know. I have always known that."

"You knew?" He was surprised.

"From the first day, yes."

"Then why?" he asked. Their entire relationship needed an answer.

"I didn't want it to happen. From that first day, I never wanted it to happen," she admitted to him.

Suddenly it made sense to him. "You tried to make it not happen?"

"Yes. But the harder I tried. The harder it was to stop it. It was driving me crazy." There was an anguish in her voice now.

"So you tried to drive me crazy too?" he asked.

"Yes."

"You are saying that you tortured me all that time; because it was torturing you?"

"It does sound bad put like that."

He paused; studying her. Her head was still bowed; shoulders slumped.

He sighed. "And you say that I'm terrible," he said gently. With understanding came tenderness as he saw how miserable she was.

At his change in tone, Reya looked up at him, puzzled. There was amusement in his eyes now.

She wanted to hit him.

"You want to hit me now, don't you?" he asked, seeing her reaction to him. There was a lightness in his tone.

"You are so infuriating," she replied. The tone between them was no longer angry or hard. A little truth tended to change many things.

"I do believe it is my turn," he said in a light teasing tone.

She gave him a mock punch to the chest. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. They kissed each other.

The tension had passed.

"What are we going to do with each other?" she asked.

"We have many options," he said pressing her hips to him lightly.

"I wasn't talking about that."

"I know," he said teasing her. His hand pressed them tighter together. There was no question what one of those options was.

"Stop that. I can't concentrate," she told him. He released the pressure but his hand still kept them lightly in contact. This did not help her.

"I'm sorry," she told him. "I should never have taken out my fear on you."

Argus let go of her, shocked at her honesty. For her to admit that she was afraid was inconceivable.

She continued. "What we did last night. It left me vulnerable. I have never felt that way before and it scared me. When Borel pressed, I didn't know what to do. So I lashed out." She brought her hand up to his face, caressing his cheek, "And I hurt you. I'm sorry Argus."

Argus looked at her in wonder. When they were together there was such potential for great joy and great pain. He took her gently into his arms again.

He had hurt and instantly put his walls back up. She had hurt and even though she had lashed out, she had stayed vulnerable.

"I think I prefered you insulting me," he said jokingly. "It was much easier."

"That can be arranged," she told him teasingly.

He kissed her. This time it was very different between them.


	12. Chapter 12

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Twelve

Sester's voice droned on. The Federation President was only half paying attention to what he was saying. He was reporting on various possibilities for alien activity. It was an important topic but she had already received similar reports from Central Security. That was not why she was having him report to her. She was more interested in how he was saying it.

It had been almost a week since she had him released from the Special Detention Centre. He was very tame now. She had not expected that from him.

"Madame President?"

Sester had concluded his report and had been silent for a full minute. She started when she realized that she had been staring at him.

_Perhaps it is time to give you a push_, she thought. _Like this, you are of no use to anyone._

"I thought I had told you to remain useful?" she told Sester.

"I thought I was. Isn't that why I am here? Giving you a report?"

"Come now Sester. This information you have given me. I already have my security people for that," she told him.

"Then I don't know what it is that you want from me," he told her.

"Yes, I'm wondering that myself."

Sester was looking at her suspiciously. There was something his mind couldn't quite grasp. It had been like that since the Detention Centre.

Being a psychostrategist meant making bold leaps of logic; like walking over invisible bridges. They were bridges which other people could not see but which were no less real. On these bridges psychostrategists built structures of possible realities. Sester had been one of the best.

_Now I can barely build realities on bridges I can see, _Sester thought._ Maybe she's right._

His report had been nothing but a logical exercise.

_A common genius could have done this, _he thought.

Sester was no common genius; at least he didn't use to be.

* * *

Argus and Reya were still in an embrace; their bodies tightly pressed against each other. Their hands were roaming over each others bodies. Things had changed between them again and there was a desire to explore this different dynamic.

"We should stop now," said Reya; but Argus was irresistable and insistent. She moaned lightly as his lips found a sensitive part of her neck.

"You're right," he agreed; but he found it difficult to stop.

"My brother is going to come back." She was about to push him away but instead her hands began undoing his jacket.

"I thought you wanted to stop," he said in a teasing tone as he helped her.

"I said should, I didn't say wanted to," she told him. His jacket was now off, along with his shirt. He hissed as she her lips explored a ridge made by the muscles across his chest; he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Do you want to go back to the lake?" he asked as her hands explored his back.

"No. We can use my quarters," she told him.

"Then I should at least put my shirt back on."

"I like it off," she said teasingly.

"Yes, I _know_ you do. Can we get something to eat too? I'm starving."

"Yes. We can stop by the kitchens. They always have something. I wouldn't want you to run out of energy." She smiled.

* * *

All was quiet aboard the _Justice_. After the unbearable hours of hearing Avon's screams echoing through the corridors, everyone seemed to be afraid of making loud noises of any kind. The analyst was still recuperating in his quarters. Cally was resting in hers. Vila was keeping Jenna company on the flight deck. Or rather Vila had just finished his shift but didn't want to go back to his empty cabin alone.

Even being on the outside of the door to the med bay had been terrible for him. Actually he found it was even worse. He didn't want to close his eyes because he was afraid of what his imagination would come up with.

The old Vila would have been well into a bottle of alchohol right now but he had made a mental promise to Avon that he would not touch a drop until the analyst's ordeal had ended. It had ended and Vila still couldn't. He had gone to the dining area and filled a glass after the screams had ended but the first drink had made him ill. His stomach was in knots.

"Vila, go get some adrenaline and soma," said Jenna when she noticed that Vila looked in bad shape.

"I can't," replied Vila. "I don't know why I can't, but I can't. So don't ask me." He didn't tell her that the idea of entering the medical bay also made him ill; just the thought that Avon had been in there hours earlier, screaming in pain, made it impossible.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Jenna.

"No."

Vila had never been good at pain; not even watching other people in pain. Or listening through medical bay doors as someone screamed in agony on the other side.

_Tell us what we want to know delta-grade scum! Where is ORAC? Shouted a black shirted Federation guard even as he kicked him._

_No!_ thought Vila. _Why am I remembering this? I don't want to remember this._

After being shot on Gauda Prime; after watching all of his friends die; after witnessing Avon shooting Blake and then feeling the pain as a Federation pulse rifle shot hit him in the back; then darkness and oblivion; Vila had woken up in a prison medical facility. They had patched him up and then the interrogators had come for him.

They tortured him for days trying to extract the location of ORAC. Vila unconsciously cradled his right hand in his left at the memory. They had almost dislocated every finger of his right hand. He thought that he would never be able to use it again. Vila's hand clenched at that thought.

_I told you, I don't know! I don't know! Only Avon knew. _

_Vila had screamed at that point as they dislocated another finger._

Vila winced at the memory. It wasn't just the pain; it was the thought that he had betrayed Avon.

"Vila, are you alright?" Jenna asked as she noticed his look of pain.

"I'm fine. Maybe I'll go get some sleep," said Vila, getting up. He didn't want to be alone right now, but neither did he want these questions.

"That's a good idea, Vila," said Jenna. She was relieved that Vila had decided to go get some rest. He looked very tired.

Vila left the flight deck. He proceeded along the corridor a distance and stopped. He didn't want to go back to his cabin and sleep; and neither did he want to go to the medical bay, or the dining area; and definitely not back to the flight deck. There was nowhere on the ship he wanted to go.

Except one place.

* * *

Jenna was glad that Vila had left. She wanted to be alone for awhile. The solitude of the flight deck, with only the random computer and ship sounds was what she needed right now.

Since they had rescued Avon, Jenna had been conflicted and confused. When they all thought that Avon had betrayed them or that he had gone over to work with the enemy, it had been easy. Hating him was something she wanted to do. Avon had killed Blake. No matter what reasons he gave for doing it, that was something he could not change.

When Avon had shot Argus in the teleport room; Jenna had gladly embraced the anger again and the feelings of revenge. But things had changed again. It was no longer easy.

Now it seemed that he had done it in order to save Cally's life. He had saved all of their lives; at a terrible cost to himself.

_Why Avon? Why did you do it?_

She still could not believe he was capable of such a thing.

_Not that cold, self-seeking, calculating mind. You could not be capable of that._

But the evidence said otherwise.

_What did you have to gain? _Jenna did not understand it.

_Why did you believe in him Blake? Why?_ For some illogical reason, she was mad at Blake too. Blake had insisted on trusting in Avon even despite her warnings.

_You didn't know, but he wanted to abandon you on Cygnus Alpha, Blake. I was the one who had to stop him. _She remembered telling Blake after Star One. She and Blake had gone off together to fight the Federation. Blake had been proud of Avon when it appeared the analyst and his new crew were doing the same. But Blake had just smiled. He had known even then.

Part of Jenna's anger was directed at herself. When she had heard the screams and found out they had come from Avon; she could not be entirely cold to his suffering. _But I can never forget what you did to Blake_, she thought. _Someone has to remember.

* * *

_

Borel had noticed Reya and Argus coming out of his office. The young general had been deep in discussions with his admirals and generals. They were in the midst of planning a major campaign. Borel and Kam wanted to prevent Ellis's forces in quadrant five from receiving anymore reinforcements. It had been a long battle there and it was still not over.

Reya and Argus had been very quiet; they were clearly trying to not draw attention to themselves. No one had noticed, except Borel; who had been looking towards the door to his office intermittently during his meeting. Borel pretended not to notice them. The situation with the strange phenomenom in quadrant eight was important but it could wait another day. Borel wondered if they had resolved anything yet.

_At least you're still together_, Borel thought; breathing a sigh of relief. _I should have realized that nothing could separate the two of you, not even yourselves. _

From the little he had been able to observe before they left the room, they seemed to be almost conspiratorial. He could swear he could see a hint of a mischievous smile on his sister's face. And there had definitely been a grin on the rebel leader's face.

The young general shook his head. He would never be able to understand their relationship. Borel turned his attention back to his generals and the much more understandable problem before them.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Avon opened his eyes; he still had a headache. _At least it's dark, _he thought. He vaguely remembered being helped back to his cabin by Cally. This was not a welcome memory.

He made a mental examination of his own condition. Other than the headache and a general tiredness, he appeared to be fine. He did not count the pain which was still caused by the knee implant.

Avon had hoped that the crew would never find about the conditioning but with the necessity of increasing the intensity of the focus beams that had become impossible. He knew that he could trust Argus not to treat him any differently but he was not expecting the same from the others.

The best way to handle it was to act his normal self and fit back into the regular routine of the ship as soon as possible. His usual cold manner should do the rest; and prevent any embarrassing personal discussions.

Avon decided this was the best course of action.

"Lights, low." The automatic cabin controls responded and obligingly turned on the lights.

Avon sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Immediately, he became dizzy.

_Too fast. _He waited until the dizziness passed; he realized with dismay that he would still have to take it slowly. He hoped that it would not interfere with his plans for things returning to normal. _It has been weeks. I should be getting better._

Avon got up carefully; putting weight slowly on the compromised knee. This was also another annoyance, but he refused to allow it to affect him. It was just another factor to work around.

_Change of clothing. Shower facilities._ Avon began cataloguing the things he needed to do as part of his normal routine as he limped slowly towards the door. After the years of having his routine controlled by the people at the Detention Centre, he almost had to remind himself what he needed to do every day.

Making a list of activities required for normality was comforting somehow; he was regaining a sense of control over his own life. He would never admit it but it also staved off the feelings of terror at having the routine taken away. Even though he had hated the control exerted by the Centre personnel and being forced to do things against his will, the loss of that routine was causing illogical feelings of fear. People who had been imprisoned for a long time often felt lost when returning to their normal lives.

But Avon was strong; he refused to acknowledge something so illogical. As he had struggled to regain control over his mind, so he also fought for control over his own daily life.

Today was a progression in his recovery. This was the first day that Cally did not have Vila bring him a change of clothing or his meals on a tray. For the first time in years, he would be able to choose what he wanted.

Avon opened the door to his cabin, and nearly tripped over Vila. The thief had been sleeping, propped up against the wall by the side of Avon's door.

"Vila!" exclaimed Avon as he caught himself from falling over the sleeping man. Avon grimaced, the action of tripping caused a sharp pain in his compromised knee and he nearly fell. It appeared that the knee implant was very good at simulating a real injury. Avon gritted his teeth and forced himself to stand up before Vila could offer to help.

Vila woke up in shock as Avon nearly fell over him. He struggled to get up so that he could help Avon but by the time he was standing, Avon was also.

Avon was glaring at him but the rest of his face showed no emotion.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked Vila. The tone in his voice clearly indicated that it had better not be what it appeared to be.

"I fell asleep," said Vila. The thief was at a loss for words; he didn't know what to say which would make the analyst feel any better. Vila didn't want to tell Avon why he was there anymore than Avon wanted to know the real reason why he was there.

_Odd that_, thought Vila. _That I would think you had any feelings about anything._

"Any fool could see that."

"I should go back to my cabin then," said Vila.

"Do that," was Avon's curt response.

Without another word, Vila went down the corridor to his cabin. Avon watched the thief's retreating back. It was beginning; the displays he would prefer to avoid. He watched until Vila disappeared into his own cabin before making his way painfully to the shower facilities.

Avon was even more determined to make things go back to normal.

Avon stood staring at the food dispenser. He didn't know what he wanted. Illogical feelings of panic were threatening to surface again. This was the first time he had to make his own choices about food. While he was recovering in the medical bay, he had received nutritional supplements administered by Cally. Afterwards, Cally had Vila bring him clothing and meals.

Avon had been looking forward to regaining more control over his own life. He had not expected to have this unreasoning panic.

He had experienced this in the wardrobe room as well. There, surrounded by the infinite choices and unfamiliar clothing, he had stood frozen. Waves of panic had washed over him, making him ill. He had grabbed onto the wall, trying to stem the nausea. During his recovery, his clothes had been brought by Vila. This was the first time he had to pick his own.

_What is wrong with me?_ he had wondered with alarm; then he had spied a comforting colour on a nearby shelf and quickly grabbed it and almost ran out of the wardrobe room

But now, standing in front of the food dispenser in the dining area, the only food he could remember was gruel; and the ham and eggs he had in Servalan's bedroom. His mind had rebelled at requesting those items. _There must be something else I can request._ But he couldn't remember anything else. _Why can't I remember?_

He was becoming angry with himself; an uncharacteristic anger which drove away the rising panic and fear. Avon didn't notice but he was starting to hyperventilate.

"Avon."

Avon turned around at the voice. It was Cally.

Cally had been standing by the door, watching Avon as he struggled with his choice. She had not wanted to say anything but she could feel his growing panic and anger. It had alarmed her; she was not used to such strong emotions emanating from him. And definitely not the panic.

As the resident medic, Cally had consulted ORAC on what she could expect from someone who had undergone the trauma which Avon had obviously experienced. She had suspected this might happen when she had told Vila he was no longer required to bring Avon his clothing and meals.

She had missed Avon's trip to the wardrobe room. Cally had not expected him to be up this early. His choice of clothing was not lost on her. It looked disturbingly similar to the prison coveralls he was wearing when he was rescued; it even had the same gray colouring.

When she woke up, Cally had gone to Avon's room, found that he had already left it and went looking for him. She had found him in the dining area. The Auron had entered without Avon being aware of it. The analyst had been too preoccupied with the food dispenser to notice her.

Cally had been watching Avon for the past ten minutes.

"Do you mind if I use the dispenser first?" asked Cally. "I'm due on the flight deck soon." 

Avon stepped aside to let her use it.

She entered the codes for a light meal of simulated fruit, a toasted flatbread with a nutritious vitamin spread and ersatz coffee.

"The fruit and bread are better than the ones on the _Liberator_," she told him. "Do you want to try it?" she asked innocently. There was no hint of an ulterior motive in her voice.

"Yes. I would like to try them," said Avon. The feelings of panic were receding. He wondered if Cally's question had really been innocent. The analyst did not know how long she had been standing there, watching him. _Hopefully, not long enough._

Cally input the command for a double order. They took the items and went to the square dining table.

Avon preferred to have eaten by himself; but he knew it was considered impolite to tell her to leave or to go back to his cabin with the food; especially since she had helped him. He did not know why but he felt obligated to stay.

He convinced himself it was because he was trying to regain a sense of normality; and that meant interacting with the other members of the crew.

"You sent for me, Madame President?" asked Sester.

The psychostrategist had been summoned to the Presidential Palace and had just been shown in by Corry, her personal assistant. Sester had been waiting for four hours in the outer waiting room.

"Yes, I had almost forgotten I had asked for you," said Servalan. "Sit."

Sester sat down opposite her. As a psychostrategist, he was not used to waiting for anyone, and definitely not for four hours. The deliberate insult and assertion of the Federation President's power was not lost on him. He also knew he did not have any power here.

Servalan looked at the psychostrategist curiously. Sester did not seem annoyed or angry; he waited impassively for her to initiate the next action.

"No comment?" she asked.

Sester did not respond. _What do you want from me Servalan?_ It was clear she was after something.

_It is time_, he thought. He was tired of acting beaten. _I refuse to be beaten. Not while I still have my life._

He was beginning to understand Avon's spirit. Despite having been beaten repeatedly to the point where he no longer had the strength or will to fight; the analyst always found a way to fight back.

_It is time_, Servalan thought. _The time for lessons is over. Time for you to be useful again. _

"Do you know why I have sent for you?"

"I am a psychostrategist, not a mind reader. Madame President."

"The last time you were here, I gave you a warning."

"My memory is unimpaired."

"You do not appear concerned."

"You do not kill those who are useful to you; and you can control."

"And you think you are still useful to me?"

"It was only a matter of time. As you know."

At his response Servalan smiled. _I do know. You did not require any encouragement after all._

"And you have also discovered that you can control me," Sester added.

"That was fortunate for you," said Servalan. _It remains to be seen to what extent._

"Is this exercise over then?"

"For now. Let us discuss the alien situation."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

"Can you move? My arm is starting to fall asleep," Argus told Reya. They were currently in her quarters. It was late evening and she was resting in the curve of his arm as they lay together. They had been talking; sharing their lives for the past few hours. The remnants of half eaten breads, cheeses and fruit were left on a tray beside the bed.

Reya rolled on top of him.

"That wasn't what I had in mind," he told her.

"I know," she said teasingly as she began kissing him. "I've had enough of talking for now."

"We won't be getting any rest if you continue doing that," he said as he began responding to her.

"That was the idea. Unless you're too tired," she challenged him playfully.

"Would you like to find out?" he said as his arms pressed their naked bodies tighter together and he began moving slowly against her; teasing her in return.

"I like a challenge," Reya replied. She was already breathing quicker. The sensation of his muscled body rubbing against hers soon became overwhelming. She moaned softly.

Argus grinned.

* * *

Argus and Reya did not resurface until the next morning. Borel looked at the two of them curiously as they entered the command centre. It was clear that something had changed between the two of them again.

_I wonder what happened. _Borel was almost afraid to find out.

The two commanders were impeccably dressed as usual when entering his command headquarters; Reya in her uniform and Argus in the same vaguely-military outfit which he had worn the previous day. It appeared that he had it cleaned and pressed at some point since yesterday.

_When did you have the time to do that?_ thought Borel.

"You both look tired," said Borel. He had decided to tease them a bit.

The two looked at each other and managed to look slightly embarrassed. Only a blind person would not have guessed what they had been doing. There was a slight undercurrent of nervousness between them but they were both relaxed.

"Your sister kept me up," said Argus. The new dynamic between the two of them was still untested. He kept his tone deliberately light.

"I didn't hear any complaints," she replied in the same light tone.

"I didn't either." There was a slight smile on Argus's face.

Reya was blushing.

Borel had never seen his sister do that before. He wondered if he should leave them alone again.

"Now General, what is this phenomenon which you were mentioning?" asked Argus.

"I thought Reya would have told you by now," replied Borel.

Reya managed to look embarrassed again. "I didn't have time," she said. "And no comments you," she addressed Argus.

"Yes, we were too busy," Argus told Borel in a serious tone. He was trying to suppress a smile.

Borel noticed a growing sense of confidence in their relationship.

"Why don't you explain to us what you discovered, Reya," said Borel.

Reya gave them both a detailed report of her investigations and her conclusions; showing them the patterns of movement on the holomap. She was in operational mode now. There was no longer a light tone; they were all business.

"I agree with your assessment," said Argus. "The pattern of the phenomenon does appear deliberately random. But ORAC will be able to determine that more accurately."

"Yes, given your description of its abilities; I was hoping that ORAC would be able to project the possible targets and narrow down the possibilities even further," said Reya.

"ORAC would be good for that. From the reports, it may be better if the _Justice_ were to check this out. None of your ships seem to have been able to defend against it," said Argus.

"We would be glad of your help and that of your crew, Argus," said Borel. "The last thing we need is for this thing to break out of quadrant eight and make the current situation even more complicated. I am sending Reya with you. She is the person most familiar with this phenomenon."

Argus and Reya looked at each other; they had not expected this. They had not discussed their imminent separation yet; it had been too painful a topic to broach. They were relieved that they could avoid it a little longer but there was also nervousness again because it would be a further test of their new relationship.

* * *

Avon, Jenna, Vila and Cally were all on the flight deck; each performing their various tasks in preparation for their trip to quadrant eight. Argus had contacted them regarding the request by Borel and their imminent departure.

Cally had given up her operations station back to Avon.

As they were all running checks on their various stations, Jenna, Vila and Cally were sneaking surreptitious glances in Avon's direction. No one had talked about what happened only yesterday. Avon seemed determined to act as if it had never happened.

Avon found it difficult to concentrate on his self-appointed task of running diagnostic checks on all of the ship's systems. For three years, his brain had only worked on problems because it had been forced to. The insistent pressure was always below the surface, even when he was doing the required concentration to prevent it from building.

Now that the conditioning had been broken, his mind seemed to be unable to focus on complex ideas or even patterns for more than three or four minutes at a time. Everytime he tried to focus, his mind would lose the thread of what he was trying to do.

Avon had also not expected what had happened with the food dispenser or in the wardrobe room. _What use is someone who cannot do something as simple as choosing a food item without being incapacitated?_

Servalan may no longer have control over his mind; but neither did he. He had not expected this result from the breaking of the conditioning. Avon smiled wryly to himself. _So I may lose my mind after all._

It was really no different than the fate he had resigned himself to; the day he left Servalan. In his eagerness to be free from her control; he may have done himself even more damage. He wanted to laugh but on the flight deck, surrounded by the others, he could do little more than smile wryly to himself.

He wondered_, Can brains burn out? Is that what is happening to me? Did she use me until there was nothing left? Did I escape too late?_

Back at the lab in the Detention Centre, they had used him constantly; never allowing sufficient time for his mind to rest. He was always exhausted but the conditioning gave his mind no choice except to do what they wanted. Avon could remember the times they had deliberately worked him until he collapsed. The memories still filled with him anger.

It was not until near the end, when Sester's new guidelines had been put into place; that they allowed his mind sufficient time to rest between work sessions.

_Did you do that because you knew my brain was nearing the end of its usefulness? Was that the real reason for the guidelines? Did Professor Tarkson discover that when he examined me? Was that one of the many things you did not tell me, Servalan?_

Avon had not been unaware of the interest of the others; and their furtive glances in his direction when they thought he wasn't looking. It had annoyed him at first but he chose to ignore it; refusing to acknowledge their concern.

_If they only knew. Their concerns do have merit._

Without his mind, he was useless. _Quite a change from being used to being useless._

This was the kind of circumstance he always found amusing. He was in an odd mood. Avon could not imagine a life without a mind which no longer worked. Even when he had been conditioned, at least his mind worked; and there was the chance that mind would one day be his own again. It had been horrifying to have his mind forced to work for someone else; he had felt helpless and hopeless everytime the conditioning had been used. But at least his mind had been functional.

To have to experience his mind dying was something which filled him with dread.

_At least there is no one to force me to experience it._

The abilities of his mind defined who he was. Without it, he could not imagine living. It would be as much of a living death for him as being at the Detention Centre had been; but this time he had a choice. He could choose not to experience it.

_Perhaps I can ask Argus to do it. He is good at it. He will manage it less painfully than I can. _Even in planning his own death, Avon was logical.

After the years of pain, he wanted a comfortable death. He wanted to be aware of it and then have it be over quickly.

Now that he had made this decision, Avon felt oddly at peace. He would seek out the rebel leader when he came back on board; and disturb him during his sleep cycle again. Unfortunately it was the only time that ensured that the others would not be around.

_Well, at least I won't be bothering you again.

* * *

_

Cally had been vaguely aware of the play of emotions across Avon's consciousness as he worked at his operations station. She had been troubled and confused by what she read from him.

Since Avon came back, Cally had been aware of the constant struggles in his mind as he tried to force himself to become the person he used to be. Cally knew that he would never accept her telling him that he never could. The Avon he once was; no longer existed. What was left was the broken remnants of someone they all used to know.

Cally knew that it had started long before he had been captured and tortured by Servalan. It had started the day he had killed Blake.

When Avon had first joined Blake, Cally knew that he thought that Blake's recklessness would destroy him one day. He had continually thought to free himself from Blake.

_And in the end he did destroy you. But not in the way you thought. _

Cally wondered which the greater damage was; what Servalan had done to him, or what Avon had done to himself.

_Perhaps it had started even before that_, thought Cally. _Back when you thought you had lost Blake the first time. And you risked your life to go and find him; only to find that Servalan had tricked you. _

_Then you began losing everything. No more Liberator to keep you safe. Hounded by the Federation in a ship that could not protect you. And you even lost Anna. The one person you thought would never betray you; and she came back from the dead just long enough to rip your heart out._

Cally could feel the frustration coming from Avon. She did not understand it but for some reason he was finding it difficult to concentrate. She wondered if it was another symptom; like his panic and inability to decide when faced with simple daily choices like food.

The Auron hated Servalan; more than she had hated anyone before. Cally did not normally hate anyone; but she hated this woman for destroying her people; and for what she had done to Avon.

She knew the cruelty of the Federation President even though Argus still refused to allow them to see any of the files from the Detention Centre; and only allowed her limited access to the medical ones. She knew that Servalan must have crushed Avon again and again and relished her power to do so.

_Did you laugh Servalan_? thought Cally. _When he lay broken at your feet; when he no longer had the strength to defend himself from the blows? Or when he had been screaming in pain for hours, perhaps even days; and finally begged you to stop? Did you tell them to keep going? Because you love seeing people suffer, and especially him? And in the end, when he finally gave you everything; even then that was not enough for you, was it? You had to crush him even more. You made him your slave; and he had to do everything you demanded or he would lose the one thing he could not stand losing; his mind. You held his mind hostage. He must have hated you for that; more than for anything else._

Just as she could sense his brokenness; she could almost hear the silent screams of his subconscious mind; trapped in the horror of what they had done to him. _How could you face what they did to you day after day, Avon? You always hated losing control to anyone. How did you stand being treated like a puppet?_

Argus had let her see the files on Avon's conditioning in order to solicit her help. Cally almost wished she did not know.

She wanted to kill Servalan; for Avon and for her own people. But she knew she couldn't yet, because of the alien threat.

_One day there will be an accounting_, thought Cally.

There was a sense of calm emanating from Avon now; an impression of dispassionate acceptance and peace. Cally was confused.

_Did something just happen?_ she wondered. _Did your logical mind find a peace with what is happening; with what happened?

* * *

_

Vila had never appreciated Avon's fashion sense but the analyst's choice of clothing dumbfounded him.

_Even a cold logical computer should be able to manage something less like prison clothes. Especially after all you've been through, _thought Vila. _I bet even ORAC could pick something better than that._

Avon appeared to be his normal cold, machine-like and anti-social self. Vila was glad in a way; even though it had to have been a façade. It meant he did not have to deal with the messy emotional stuff; which always made things much more complicated than they needed to be.

Not that Vila was unemotional; he was in no way like Avon. But the thief did not like complications; he did not like emotionally dangerous situations any more than he liked physically dangerous ones. Vila was usually very quiet when Blake and Avon fought; the crew normally avoided being in the middle of those two when they had a conflict.

And even though Avon and Argus had not been together that long, Vila could see that it would be just as dangerous being between these two when they had a conflict.

* * *

_Are things really back to normal, Avon?_ thought Jenna. She was not convinced. _You've never been good at fooling anyone, Avon. You never could fool Blake. And you don't fool me either._

The analyst was so determined to avoid acting like anything was different that it was clear something was not right.

_Despite what you would like to think, at least part of you is still human. You cannot have gone through what you did and not have it affect you._

_What are you hiding, Avon?_ Jenna was certain he was concealing something.

_I will be watching you._


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

"This is Commander Reya Reve. She will be accompanying us to quadrant eight."

They were all on the flight deck of the _Justice_. Argus was making the introductions.

"This is Avon," Argus indicated the analyst at his operations station.

"Argus tells me you are the resident genius?" Reya said.

Avon inclined his head. He did not feel like giving any other response.

Reya wondered if having ORAC made the man feel redundant. Argus had told her a little about what had happened to Avon. She knew it was important not notice if the man reacted in pain or was having difficulties. After having nursed Argus after he had been tortured, she understood what was required.

_You hated that so much_, thought Reya. She had to suppress a smile at the memory of the rebel leader's extreme reaction to being nursed.

"This is Jenna. Our pilot," Argus continued with the introductions.

"We've met," said Reya.

"That's true," said Jenna. "You contacted us when Argus was injured." When Argus had been injured on a mission to an agricultural planet, it was Reya who had informed them.

Jenna had been studying the woman since she came onto the flight deck with Argus. During the communication when Reya had told her about Argus's injuries, the woman had seemed cold and almost mechanical in her speech; very formal. In person though, there was a big difference.

Jenna recognized the characteristic energy of the Reve's; though it was not as strong in the female commander. As she had come down the steps with Argus, Jenna noticed that the woman was tall, but not as tall as the rebel leader. She wore a military uniform and moved with strength and confidence. She was not beautiful; but neither was she plain. The woman had an interesting face.

When they first appeared at the top of the flight deck steps, it almost seemed as if they were a couple. But as Jenna observed them interacting, they were both professional and competent; there was nothing personal between them. From experience, Jenna knew that Argus would never allow anything personal to interfere when he was focused on a mission.

_It must be because you are both military that I got that impression that you were connected_, thought Jenna. _Your common experience as soldiers must give you an instant bond. _She noticed that they almost seemed to communicate in a short-hand when discussing anything military. _And you worked together for a couple of months. _She wondered if they had become friends; although it was hard to tell from the way they were acting.

"This is Cally. Our resident medic. And a good fighter in her own right," Argus continued with his introductions.

"That is an interesting combination," remarked Reya.

"It is useful," replied Cally.

"No doubt. A very useful set of skills," agreed the commander.

"And this is Vila. He operates the neutron blaster controls. And he is our structural access engineer."

_Ah, the thief_, thought Reya. "We do not have any of those in our military forces. Only explosives engineers."

Vila was looking confused. He had no idea what a structural access engineer was, though it sounded like an impressive title.

"Welcome aboard commander," said Vila smiling.

"That means you're a thief," Avon said helpfully from the other side of the flight deck.

The annoyed look and scowl on Vila's face indicated that the help was not appreciated. It did not help that the others also appeared amused.

Vila added irritably, "And contrary to what _anyone_ says, I am _not_ the comic relief on this ship."

"That's true, you're more like a mild annoyance," remarked Avon dryly.

Reya looked at Argus questioningly. He gave a shrug which clearly communicated. _Civilians._

Being a military commander, Reya was not used to this kind of joking atmosphere on a flight deck. She was very serious when on duty; as she had observed Argus to be during their time working together.

_It must have been quite an adjustment for you. Working with these civilians_, she thought.

"I would like to extend my brother's thanks, and that of our people for your help with this potential threat," said Reya.

"We are glad to help," expressed Cally.

"Yes, I don't mind helping with a potential threat; as long as it _stays_ potential," muttered Vila.

"Are you nervous already Vila? We're not even underway yet," Jenna asked.

As Avon listened to this exchange, he found that he had missed this interaction. But at the same time a part of him was also feeling very uncomfortable. The irrational fear and panic were surfacing again. He was not used to being with so many people at the same time.

He had been able to fight it off so far because he knew these people; the comfort of the familiar faces had helped. But with the addition of a stranger, the fear and panic was starting to rise to the point he could no longer ignore it.

When he was at the Federation Special Detention Centre, when there were this many people; it never signified anything good. Avon tried to force down the increasing feelings of fear.

He could see those sessions in his mind. Whenever he was brought into one of the interrogation rooms and there were a large number of people, it usually meant that they had something particularly nasty planned for him. Avon shivered. It usually involved lots of dying for him.

_The drugs are supposed to prevent this from happening. They are supposed to stop the memories. _Avon was breathing heavily with the strain of trying to push down the panic. _I can't live like this._

Cally said sharply, "Avon, are you alright?" There was great concern in her voice. They all turned to Avon in alarm.

The analyst's face had become pale. He could no longer keep the strain of his internal struggle from showing on his face. His hands gripped his operations console tightly; as if he needed to hold onto something.

"I'm not feeling well," said Avon. He was glad that he had been able to keep his voice even and unemotional. "I am going back to my cabin to rest."

_Cold. Unemotional. Cold. Unemotional. Nothing affects me._ Avon tried to remind himself how he was supposed to act. It was not working; the illogical emotions were taking over. He had no control.

"That's a good idea," said Argus. The rebel leader's voice was also even. No one else trusted themselves to speak.

Avon left his operations station and slowly made his way to the exit. In all of their eyes, he seemed to be moving even slower than normal and his limp seemed even more pronounced.

Avon hated the implant in his knee which made faster movement impossible. The pain seemed even worse than normal. He tried to continue moving.

_Just need to leave the flight deck_._ That should stop it._ He focused all of his energies into achieving this simple task. Avon wondered when the earliest possible time he could speak to Argus was. He was glad for the man's cool attitude towards him. It had made an almost impossible situation bearable.

Once Avon had left the flight deck, Argus nodded silently to Vila. Vila left his console and followed Avon out.

"Discreetly, Vila," Argus instructed the thief.

"Right," replied Vila as he exited the flight deck. The look on the thief's face reflected great worry.

They were all worried about Avon.

* * *

Avon thought that the illogical feelings of fear and panic would disappear once he left the flight deck. He was wrong.

As he made his way along, those feelings kept increasing. By the time he got to the corridor where the living quarters were, he could barely force himself to go on.

Avon stopped. He reached out towards a wall and closed his eyes, trying to wait for the nausea to pass. He was panting now.

_I'll just rest for awhile._ He told himself as he slid down the wall. _The others are still on the flight deck. _Avon drew his knees up and rested his forehead on his arms. He often did this back in his cell at the Detention Centre; after a bad session with the interrogators and they still wouldn't let him lie down to rest.

_This is worse than being at the Detention Centre_, thought Avon. _At least there, I have a logical reason for these feelings. It's not just my mind which is breaking down.

* * *

_

"I want you to arrange a meeting with Avon," said Servalan.

The Federation President was meeting with psychostrategist Sester, in her private office at Residence One. This was the first time since he was released that she had called him here.

"He might not appreciate that," said Sester.

"It is not a matter of appreciating. There are things to discuss and coordinate with him regarding this alien situation," said Servalan.

"It may be better if you meet with the commander, Argus instead," suggested Sester.

"And it might be better for you; if you arrange the meeting with Avon instead," said Servalan coldly.

Sester was not to be dissuaded by barely veiled threats.

"Madame President, if you insist on threatening me in order to get what you want; then you might as well put me back in the cell. Or better yet, kill me. I cannot remain useful to you _and_ give in everytime you threaten me. Psychostrategists do not work that way."

"You are very certain that I will not kill you for saying that."

"No. You know that this is what makes me more valuable to you than your other pawns."

Servalan studied the psychostrategist carefully. There was no fear in the man's eyes; but neither was there defiance. It was the look of a psychostrategist, secure in his own logic.

"You walk a fine line."

"Isn't that what makes life interesting?"

"I thought that you would not appreciate interesting as much anymore."

"That was true. For awhile. Your lessons were very effective."

_You finally are more useful now_, thought Servalan. _And more dangerous. Very well. Continue walking this fine line Sester. Don't fall off it._

"Very well. Explain to me why you do not want to arrange this meeting with Avon."

* * *

"Avon," Vila called the analyst's name as he bent down and gently pushed on the man's shoulder. The thief had been following Avon at a discreet distance, as instructed by Argus. When he saw the analyst collapsed against the wall; he had been unsure what to do. The others were too far away for him to call for help.

_Can't leave him out in the corridor_, thought Vila. He decided to help the analyst back to his cabin. _Even if you try to deny it. You need help Avon._

He called the analyst's name again and pushed on his shoulder when there was no response.

Avon raised his head. Vila was shocked to see tears running down the analyst's face; but this was not as disturbing as the look of fear and hopelessness in his eyes.

_He's going to yell at me now. He hates anyone seeing him like this_, thought Vila.

"Vila," Avon's voice was strained. He almost choked out the thief's name when he saw who it was. Avon suddenly grabbed his arm. "Please kill me. I can't live like this anymore."

Vila found that his own eyes were starting to get wet. Avon never asked help from anyone; and especially not from him.

Until now, Vila had never considered it possible that Avon could act like a human being. He had always considered him more like a machine; not affected by anything. Even after the Anna Grant incident, Avon had acted as if nothing had happened. Vila realized how wrong he had been.

The thief had often seen the effects of incarceration among his mates; though it was called rehabilitation, not prison. Delta grades tended to end up on the wrong side of rehab efforts more often than other grades.

Vila knew friends who had spent long periods of imprisonment in the rehab facilities. They never came out the same again. All of them had a hard time readjusting to civilian life. Some of them never did.

Vila could not imagine what Avon must have gone through. It was too terrible to contemplate; Vila did not like to dwell on things which were too terrible to contemplate. But he realized now that Avon must be feeling the after effects of what they had done to him; and that it had to be much worse for him than it had been for Vila's friends. None of them had been tortured or abused in the way Avon had obviously been.

He put his hand over Avon's and knelt down next to him. "It's alright Avon. We'll help you." He put his arms around the analyst's shoulders and tried to help him to rise. Avon did not help. Vila tried to remember what he had done to try to help his friends readjust to life on the outside.

"Don't give up, Avon. We all need you," Vila told him; thinking that it would encourage the analyst to feel needed. He still couldn't get Avon to stand up.

"No. No one needs me like this," said Avon. "No one _wants_ me like this. The person you want doesn't exist anymore, Vila. I don't exist anymore." There was such despair in his voice that Vila almost started crying too.

Vila realized he couldn't lift Avon by himself; not unless Avon wanted to get up.

_I wish Cally were here, thought Vila._ _She'd know what to do. Or even Argus. At least he would be able to help carry him._

Vila decided to go get help. Avon wasn't going anywhere.

_Must give clear instructions, _thought Vila. That was another thing he did remember. His friends often needed to be told what to do at first; else they felt lost and start to panic when faced with the need to make a decision. Some of them would sit or stand for hours, not moving because no one had told them what to do. They had to be treated like little children because they had lost the ability to control their own lives.

Vila couldn't imagine Avon being like that; the analyst had always been so controlled and independent.

_What did they do to you? _Vila was becoming angry. He could not accept that the Federation had tried to destroy the Avon he remembered. _They can't have destroyed you, Avon. Not you. After all that we've been through, it can't end like this. I'm not going to let it!_

Vila also remembered how terrified his friends had been of life on the outside; how every little unfamiliar thing would set them off in a panic. Some of them adjusted by drowning themselves in drugs, alcohol, sex or other extreme or addictive behaviours; some became angry and bitter, lashing out at everyone; some isolated themselves completely and some even tried to end their own lives. The only ones who were able to readjust were those who had lots of support from family and friends. But even then, they were never able to return to who they were before.

Vila realized that Avon needed him. _You're going to hate that_, thought Vila. _But I'm not going to let you down._

"Avon, stay here. I'll be right back," said Vila.

* * *

Argus and Cally came rushing back with Vila. Even Commander Reve came to help. But when they got to the corridor where Avon had been, the analyst was gone.

"Check his cabin," instructed Argus. Vila checked but there was no sign of Avon. "Let's spread out and search the ship. In his condition, he couldn't have gotten far. Commander Reve can help me since she's not familiar with the ship."

They all went in search of Avon.

* * *

"Argus," said Reya as she followed the rebel leader. "What will you do when you find him?"

"I don't know yet," replied Argus.

"Since we haven't left Zirgon yet, I'd like to make a suggestion," said Reya.

"Yes?"

"I think Healer Garett may be able to help you with Avon," said Reya. "He has a lot of experience dealing with people suffering from severe trauma."

Argus nodded as they checked one of the shuttle bays. "That's a good idea."

He stopped and turned to face Reya. "Thank you," he told her.

"For what?"

"Back there. On the flight deck."

Neither of them had discussed beforehand how they should act when facing the _Justice_ crew. They had naturally fallen into a professional relationship.

"I would never undermine your authority or your reputation," said Reya. "You know that."

"It's going to be hard having you this close," he told her. "We should stay out of each other's cabins."

Reya nodded. She was finding it difficult just talking on this level with him; she was becoming very aware of his presence next to her. "We should avoid talking about anything not related to the mission," she suggested.

Argus nodded. "Agreed." He was also having the same problems.

_It's going to be difficult to stop thinking about it though, _she thoughtShe had an irrational desire to see him without his shirt and jacket; to feel his bare chest with her fingers.

"Was your brother always this much of a troublemaker?" asked Argus.

"We both used to be."

"What do you mean, used to be?" teased Argus.

Even this brief exchange was making it more difficult for Reya. The desire to feel his muscled body against hers was becoming hard to ignore. "I thought we had gotten the sex out of our system already."

"We certainly tried," said Argus; he could not stop himself from smiling. After Borel had announced that Reya was to accompany them on the mission to quadrant eight, Argus and Reya had spent another passionate and sleepless night together in her quarters.

Argus had a strong desire to crush her body to his and cover her mouth with his own.

"Stop it." Reya deliberately took two steps back from him. They both took a deep breath and used their normal discipline to regained control over the situation.

_I knew I loved you for a reason_, thought Argus. _Well, one of many reasons._

"You're right. We should concentrate on the search," he said. His voice had returned to its neutral professional tone. They had more important things to do.

"Lead the way, Commander," said Reya.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

_Arsenic, cyanide, what else? _Avon was trying to remember._ Even memory is impaired now. Have to do this. While my mind still can._

Avon was in the medical bay; he had barely managed to drag himself here. He was desperately trying to recall the little information he knew about poisons.

He was upset at himself for not thinking about this earlier, when he had access to ORAC. It was another symptom that his mind was not functioning properly. He would normally have come up with many ingenious ways to solve his problem and been well-prepared by now.

He wondered if it was possible to be dispassionately upset when one was in the process of losing one's mind.

_What are the effects of these poisons?_ He didn't know which one would be less painful or if any of them were quick. The necessity of having to decide was causing irrational feelings of panic again.

_Can't even do this without becoming incapacitated._

He was starting to hyperventilate again. _If I don't do this now; soon I won't be able to. _Avon picked one at random and positioned it on his arm and depressed the injector button.

At that moment Argus and Reya arrived.

The rebel leader saw what Avon was about to do, immediately guessed why and with blinding speed had crossed the room and knocked the injector out of Avon's hand. It was fast enough to prevent most of the poison from entering the analyst's system, but not all.

Avon grabbed for the injector. Argus stopped him again. The two men fought but Avon was no match for the experience and strength of the rebel leader. Argus tackled him to the ground. He was trying not to hurt him but Avon was struggling like a man possessed.

"No!" Avon yelled out; the struggle was too reminiscent of his experiences at the Detention Centre. His mind was beginning to equate what happened there with his current struggle; his body's familiarity with these sensations was provoking emotional reactions which were confusing his mind.

At the Centre, Avon refused to passively accept being tortured and even though it was useless, he always fought the guards when they came for him in his cell. They always ended up immobilizing him until he stopped struggling; holding him down just like Argus was doing to him now, or beating him until he stopped moving. Then they would bring him to be tortured.

Argus twisted the analyst's arm around behind and held him with his face towards the ground. "No!" Avon cried out again. His confused mind was barely able to separating the reality from the memory now. He didn't want to be tortured again.

"Avon, stop struggling," Argus told him. "Reya, see if you can find Cally. Tell her that Avon may have injected himself with poison. Hurry!"

Reya rushed out.

Avon was too tired to struggle anymore. He was breathing heavily from the effort. The small amount of poison which he had managed to inject himself with was taking effect. He could feel a general numbness; he was becoming calmer. Ironically this seemed to give his mind what it needed to right itself again.

"Hang on, Avon," Argus encouraged him as he continued to hold the analyst down.

"No," Avon responded in refusal. His voice was calm, even though he was still breathing heavily.

He remembered why he was there.

_There is no reason to hang on. Not anymore. I want to do something for myself now. _He realized it had been along time since he was able to do that.

Argus did not know what to say to him.

"Let me go," Avon told Argus.

"Are you going to stop trying to kill yourself?"

"I'm no use anymore. I can't do what you want. My mind no longer works. It's better to let me die." Avon was calm now. He didn't know if he was regaining control or if it was an effect of the poison.

"I can't do that, Avon."

"Please, Argus. Let me go."

Before the rebel leader could respond, Cally and Reya rushed into the medical bay.

"Cally. I think Avon injected himself with poison. I stopped him in time but some of it may have entered his system. The injector is over there." Argus nodded in the direction of where the injector had been dropped.

Cally picked it up and looked at the settings. "You're right. Some of it did."

"Do you know the poison?" asked Argus.

"Yes. I'll get the antidote." Cally went to the medical stores cupboard.

"Reya, can you help?"

The two commanders lifted Avon up and laid him out on the bio-bed. Avon was passive and unresisting. He knew he didn't have a choice anymore. His opportunity had passed. They were going to force him to live; and it was going to be just as painful as it had been at the Detention Centre.

Avon closed his eyes.

* * *

"How could you possibly think that this man could function as if nothing had happened?" Healer Garett was berating all of them.

They had taken Reya's advice and invited Healer Garett aboard the _Justice_. Argus had allowed the healer to see all of Avon's files; which the psychostrategist had given them, as long as he did not reveal any of the details to the others.

Garett had also made an examination of the sleeping Avon in the ship's medical bay.

They were now all on the flight deck, except for Vila who had been left to watch over the analyst in the medical bay. Vila had insisted on it.

"We thought that it would be easier for him to recover," explained Argus. "And he didn't want us to act any differently."

"You of all people should know that a patient is often the worst judge of what he needs."

Argus remembered only too well; he had been one of those patients.

"What can be done for him?" asked Argus.

"First of all, you should all realize that this man will never go back to the way you remember him. After all that's happened to him, it's not possible. I'm just surprised he lasted this long. He must have found it very difficult when he came back. He must have extraordinary will."

"He does," said Cally.

"You are the resident healer?" Garett asked Cally.

"I am only the medic. I have a little knowledge of medical matters. I am not a healer."

"Have you noticed Avon having problems making decisions? Even something like deciding what to wear or what to eat causes panic?"

"Yes," replied Cally.

They all looked in surprise at Cally.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" asked Argus.

"I didn't think he would want anyone to know."

Argus did not react but he did make a mental note. _I really must provide some training for the crew. These personal considerations are becoming an annoyance._

"Why would these things cause him problems?" Argus asked Garett.

"For someone who has been imprisoned and tortured as long as Avon has, the mind tries to hold onto to whatever security it can. In Avon's case, it seems they deliberately did not allow him anything. The only thing he could do was to find comfort in the familiar; the routine. Even being tortured or used or having all choice taken away becomes something familiar. He must have been terrified when all of that changed; and not know why he was feeling that way. It would have been something beyond his conscious control; which given his character, would have made it even worse for him."

"What can be done for him?" Argus asked again.

"There is also something else you need to consider."

"There's more?"

"Unfortunately. What they did to his mind. And the drugs they used to manipulate him. They are very disturbing and had great potential for doing damage. I am going to have to examine him more closely when he wakes up. The injury they did to his mind will have to be assessed. I'm afraid that when you broke the conditioning, it may have been too soon. You should have waited until his mind had more time to recover; and you dealt with some of the other problems first. There is no telling what additional damage was done."

"When he was on the flight deck, I go the impression that he was having great difficulties concentrating," Cally volunteered.

"That's probably why he tried to kill himself. He thought that his mind was lost," said Argus. _I really must provide guidelines on communication soon, _he thought.

"That's what I was afraid of," said Garett. "His mind is beginning to break down."

That was something none of them wanted to hear.

"Can it be stopped?" asked Argus.

"That is something I need to assess. I will need access to some sophisticated machines which I can arrange to have brought in. They will be able to determine the physical state of his brain and I will need time with him to assess the rest. Bring him down to Zirgon. It's probably best if some of you came with him. He needs people around him who he is familiar with and trusts. He must never be left alone. People who have suffered this kind of trauma often become suicidal or exhibit self-destructive behaviours."

Argus and Cally realized that they were very lucky that Avon was still alive.

"Alright," said Argus. "Cally and Vila can go down with him. And Commander Reve and I will also go down and inform the General. Jenna, you can watch things here."

* * *

An hour later Garett was examining Avon in the infirmary at the castle; while Cally and Vila observed. Argus and Reya communicated with Borel; informing him what was happening and those they needed a few days before they could proceed to quadrant eight. The machines the healer had mentioned would not arrive until the next day.

After that, with nothing else to do except wait for Garett's results, it did not take long for Reya to have Argus out of his shirt and jacket again. She was very determined.

Reya was doing what she originally wanted to do when they were aboard the _Justice_. Her hands were stroking his bare chest; feeling the definition of the muscles there. Argus lay back in the sand with his eyes closed, enjoying the sensation of her hands on his body.

They were by the lake again; they had wanted to avoid accidently running into Vila or Cally back at the castle.

"What will you do if Healer Garett finds that nothing can be done?" asked Reya.

"Hmm?" asked Argus. He was too preoccupied; he was only aware of her hands.

Realizing he was finding it difficult to concentrate on what she was saying while she was playing with him; Reya lifted her hands.

Argus opened his eyes. "What?"

"Pay attention dear."

"When did you start using that?" asked Argus.

"Using what?"

"Calling me dear?"

"You want me to stop?"

"No. I just thought you weren't like that."

"Like what?" Reya was confused.

"Sweet."

She gave him a mock punch to the shoulder. "Watch it you. I can be sweet if I want to be."

Argus intercepted her hand and pulled her on top of him.

"I thought you would never stop calling me Commander Argus," he said as he began kissing her neck. He was gentle and teasing; passionate and irresistible.

"That was just on the ship. If you think I'm going to call you that in bed, you are dreaming."

"We're on a beach," he pointed out reasonably.

"Do you _want_ me to hurt you?" she asked smiling.

"You're the only one who can."

Reya looked down into his eyes; he had turned serious.

"What am I going to do with you?" she asked, touching her hand to his face.

"I can think of many things," he said playfully. The brief serious moment had passed.

"So can I," she said as she kissed him deeply. They were soon lost in each other's passion.

* * *

Afterwards as they lay resting beside each other, Argus asked, "Well?"

"Yes, you are amazing and I'm still not calling you Commander Argus in bed. You still haven't answered my question."

Argus smiled and rolled his body to face her. He started to caress her; he loved the feel of her body and how she responded to his touch.

"Which question?" he asked.

It was her turn to find it difficult to concentrate. "What will you do if Healer Garett finds that nothing can be done?"

"Hopefully that won't be the case," replied Argus as he began kissing different parts of her body while his hands explored others.

"You have to face the possibility."

"Then we'll have to find a place where he will be safe and can be taken care of."

"You're going to leave him behind?"

"We can't take him with us. He would become a liability and we can't spare the time or resources to take care of him. There will be too much danger in what we will be doing; it wouldn't be good for him or us. He would be better off somewhere they could take care of him."

Argus said all of this intermittently as he continued to caress her. Reya also responded intermittently as she tried to maintain enough of a focus to continue their conversation. It was not easy; he was very good. He seemed to instantly know what would increase her desire.

Reya gasped as his lips reached a sensitive part of her body; and began to moan softly as he continued to assault her senses.

It was now impossible for her to concentrate on anything else except the sensations he was arousing in her. He rolled on top of her. She didn't think it was possible for a man to be ready again so soon; she was discovering that he was no ordinary man as he entered her again.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

"Do you have an assessment Healer Garett?" asked Argus. They were gathered in Borel's office just off the command centre. Vila had remained with Avon again; the thief had refused to leave him alone. The analyst seemed to react with unreasoning panic whenever he was left alone in his unfamiliar surroundings.

"It will be difficult. Avon has given up the will to live. After all that he's been through, he has decided he doesn't want to add the deterioration of his mind to the list of things he has to experience. For him it is a very logical decision," said Garett. "Right now his mind is so confused that his present and his past seem the same to him."

_That must be terrifying_, thought Cally. She could not imagine what it must be like for Avon.

Garett continued, "We have to be careful not to do anything which reminds Avon of the terrible things they did to him at the Detention Centre. But at the same time he panics when things are different from what he was familiar with there."

"This doesn't sound like something which can be fixed in a few days," said Argus.

"You are correct," said Garett. "He will require long periods of therapy and gradual adjustment."

"Can we leave him here? You seem better equipped to take care of him here than we would be," said Argus.

"We can't just leave him here with strangers," Cally interjected.

"Cally is right," said the healer. "The ideal situation is if you all stay here while we attempt to heal him. But given what your priorities are and how long the healing would take, I doubt that is possible."

"Then it _is_ best to leave him here," reiterated Argus.

"No. In order for Avon to be able to recover, he needs people he knows around him. It would not work as well if he were only surrounded by strangers. We would have to break through the barriers of mistrust and paranoia first," said Garett. "This would be much quicker and easier if this were done by people he already knows and trusts."

Argus doubted if Avon ever trusted anyone.

"You mean we would have to do this aboard the ship?"

"Yes. That is the only way."

"There must be another way," said Argus. "There always is."

"Unfortunately in this case, there isn't. The issue here is how important is it for you; that he be healed? What are you willing to do?"

"Of course we want him to get better. It's not a matter of that." Argus was starting to get frustrated although his voice and face still remained unemotional.

"Argus," Reya called his attention. So far she had kept out of the conversation.

Even though he showed no outward indicators, Reya was very aware of his reaction and recognized the signs which none of the others saw. From their conversation the previous night; Reya also knew the rebel leader's concerns. She knew how important it was for him; and despite how the crew may view him, she knew that he would give his life for them; and for Avon, if he thought it would help.

Argus looked at her. He could tell from her eyes and the way she said his name; what she wanted to say.

He sighed and nodded. _You know me too well_, he thought.

He said to Garett, "With what we have to do, we cannot afford the time or resources to take care of Avon. I will not risk the crew if it means that they will have their attentions divided. It would not be fair to Avon and it would be dangerous for them." He knew that the rest of the crew would probably not agree to leave Avon behind; especially not Cally or Vila.

Cally did not miss the interaction between the Argus and the female commander. She did not miss that they seemed to know what each other was thinking even without communicating it verbally. She reflected how amazing it was that two people with a close relationship to each other seemed to exhibit the characteristics of her gift. They appeared to be able to read each other's minds.

_So it has finally happened_, thought Healer Garett. He had also not missed the brief exchange between the two commanders. _I am glad for you Reya. _

Garett considered Reya to be almost like a daughter. He had hoped that one day she would find someone worthy of her. She needed someone who would love her strong and independent spirit; and not be threatened by it. Argus seemed like such a person.

_You are both very strong and independent. You might want to kill each other occasionally but your relationship will not be boring, _the healer thought with amusement.

"The situation is not ideal," agreed Garett. "But it is the only way."

Reya knew that as military commanders, their concerns could not be personal. They had to weigh the cost of one man against the lives of many. They thought in terms of acceptable losses and collateral damage. It was up to them to remain detached and coldly logical in order to achieve success.

She did not say anything as she saw Argus struggling with the decision. Reya knew what kind of man he was; but she also knew he had to struggle to get there.

They all waited.

"You are right," said Argus finally. "We will take him back onboard and deal with whatever comes. Together."

Reya knew that in the reality of the Federation, this decision would have marked him as someone who could rise no further in the ranks; regardless of the propaganda which painted the Federation as a just and humane society.

He had the flaw of humanity and she loved him for that. For the first time in almost a week, there were no sexual overtones in how she felt about him.

"Are you going to come with us?" Argus asked Garett.

"Unfortunately, I can't," said Garett.

Argus was beginning to not like the word "unfortunately" when it came from Garett.

Garett said, "We are about to start a major campaign. I am required with the troops. I also have my priorities. But I will give all of you detailed instructions. And if you can stay here another day or two, we can begin the process here so you will become familiar with what needs to be done." Garett looked towards Borel.

The young general nodded. He also had his priorities but he was not without compassion. This was why he and Reya had always stood together.

"As you said, it is not ideal," remarked Argus. "But we'll do it."

* * *

Avon woke up. His head hurt and the lights were too bright. He brought his hands up to shield his eyes; and discovered that his right wrist was chained to a rail on the side of the bed. This circumstance seemed vaguely familiar and at the same time not. Illogical feelings of panic began to rise until he looked around and saw Vila sitting next to him on a chair; asleep. The thief was snoring lightly.

Other familiar thoughts surfaced. _At least they got that right_, he thought. _It's useless having Vila guard anything. Even a fake one._

"Vila," Avon tried to wake the thief up.

Vila started at the sound of Avon's voice.

"Avon, you're awake!"

"Observant as usual Vila."

"How are you feeling?"

"Alive."

Vila thought, _This is odd. _He recognized something was not quite right, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Vila stared at the analyst, trying to understand why he had the impression that something was wrong.

Avon was starting to feel the panic rise again. He fought against it; his mind tried to reason out what was wrong. _Something is missing_, he thought. _But what is it?_

"Vila, can you get me some water?" Avon asked. _I need water_.

Avon didn't know why he needed it; he wasn't thirsty. But his mind told him that water was what was missing.

"You're thirsty?" Vila asked; he realized instantly that this was a silly question. Avon wouldn't have asked him for water if he wasn't thirsty.

"Right, I'll get some," said Vila. He got up in search of the requested item.

* * *

Vila came back without the water.

"I'm sorry Avon; there isn't any water in here. I've looked all over. I'll have to go outside to get it. Are you going to be alright?" Vila asked. He didn't want to leave the analyst alone; he knew how panicked Avon became when there was no one he recognized nearby.

For some reason, the idea that there was no water caused an unreasoning panic in Avon.

_There is no water. There has to be water._

"No!" shouted Avon. "There has to be water."

Vila heard the panic in Avon's voice; he was starting to panic himself. When there was danger, Vila always rose to the occasion; regardless of how much he protested. But his lock-breaking and thieving skills were of no use here.

The thief remembered that when his friends got this way; when they irrationally latched onto a single thought, it was better giving them what they wanted as long as it didn't hurt them. Water didn't seem that dangerous.

Vila was about to rush out of the room to search for the water but Avon was becoming frantic; the illogical feelings of panic had risen to a fever pitch. He pulled on the chain which secured him to the bed and tried to get out of the bed.

_I have to get water!_ Avon thought.

His mind had an illogical consuming need to have water; but his mind gave him no reason as to why. His mind could not concentrate enough to reason it out. This caused even more fear and panic. _My mind is not working._

"Avon, don't do that. You're hurting yourself," Vila tried to calm the frenzied man. The thief had normally stood back while some of his burly delta friends did what was needed; but there was no one to help now.

Vila put his arms around the analyst's shoulders, trying to stop him. Avon pushed him away violently; Vila fell backwards and hit the table beside the bed.

At that moment, the others came back into the infirmary.

Argus and Reya immediately came over to immobilize Avon; holding him still while he struggled against them. The healer injected a sedative into his arm.

"What happened?" asked Garett as he examined first Avon and then Vila for any injuries.

"I don't know," said Vila, rubbing his sore back where it had hit the table. He was still occasionally bothered by stiffness from the blaster injury he had received in the back at Gauda Prime.

"He was fine one moment; then he started acting like this."

Avon calmed down as the sedative took effect. Argus and Reya let go of him.

"Something must have triggered it," said Garett.

"Well, he asked for water but I couldn't find any in here so I told him I had to go find some. That was when he started acting strange."

Vila remembered that something was wrong with the entire interaction. He still didn't know what it was.

"He only asked for water?" asked Garett.

"Yes. He woke up. We talked for a bit. Then he asked for water…" Vila stopped. The thread of memory returned.

"Oh no," said Vila.

"What's wrong?" asked Cally.

"I _thought_ something was wrong when I was talking with him. I remember having the same conversation several years ago. The first time we rescued him. He was in a bed in an infirmary then too. And his hands were restrained. And I was sitting beside him on a chair." It all came back to Vila.

"This was back at the auxiliary safe house near the West Europ Dome?" asked Argus.

"Yes."

"What's wrong with that? The circumstances are similar, that's true. But nothing happened then. Why would it cause this kind of reaction now?"

"You don't understand Argus. Avon and I had the _same_ conversation; almost word for word. It only became different with the water. That's when Avon started acting strangely."

Garett nodded with understanding. "You are saying that in his mind, he was reliving a memory but started to panic when the reality began to differ?"

"Yes, that's it," said Vila. _At least I think that's what I'm saying._

Garett nodded. "I had warned you that this would happen. Avon's mind is so disoriented now that he is trying to grasp onto anything familiar. If his mind cannot find it in the present it begins making other connections. In doing so he is starting to confuse the past and the present. And when things begin to differ from what he remembers; his mind cannot handle it."

_This never happened to my friends_, thought Vila. With dismay he realized that even his experience with his friends would only be of limited use. They had only been imprisoned and some had received "retraining" which was just another name for conditioning; but none of them had experienced what had been done to Avon.

"That does not sound like someone who is entirely sane," said Argus. He wondered what he had committed the crew and himself to.

"You do have one asset," said Garett. "And that is Avon himself. In my examinations of him, his mind is still trying to bring logic out of the chaos in his head. As long as he continues to do that, it will be easier. But he will need a lot of help. Unfortunately being here, in these unfamiliar surroundings has aggravated his condition. That may be why he acted the way he did earlier. You need to get him back to your ship as soon as possible. I will join you tomorrow and we can start treating him then. But in the meantime I would suggest that either Cally or Vila stay with him at all times."

"Vila?" asked Argus puzzled.

"Yes, your structural access engineer. He appears to be familiar with some of the things which need to be done. I understand he had friends who underwent long periods of incarceration. And Vila himself has undergone short periods of imprisonment and torture as well."

_Structural access engineer._ Argus almost laughed. _You definitely like that title a bit too much Vila._

"Very well." Argus picked up Avon's teleport bracelet which had been deposited on a table nearby. He snapped it onto the analyst's wrist. "I will send someone for you tomorrow."

"I will also not join you until tomorrow," said Reya.

Argus nodded. "Very well Commander." They both knew it was not a good idea to be on the ship together, when there was nothing operational to be done. It would have been too difficult and too tempting.

Argus activated the communicator button on his teleport bracelet. "Jenna, we're ready to come up now."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

"Madame President, I will not be able to arrange a meeting for you with Drel Argus," Sester reported to Servalan. "Not for awhile."

Sester had been in communication with the psychostrategy team in Sector Ten. It appeared that the _Justice_ was still in that sector.

"Why is that?" asked the Federation President.

"They are on their way to check out a potential threat in quadrant eight of that sector."

"How do you know this?"

"We still have spies with each of the Reve brothers."

"Very good. Keep me informed and arrange the meeting as soon as they have dealt with the threat. I think I like having the _Justice_ crew handling potential threats to the Federation."

"They don't see it that way."

"Of course they don't. They have no sense of the poetic. But it is only a matter of time before the entire sector is ours."

"You may also be interested to know that it appears Avon is having problems. Our people with Borel's group report that he is suffering a mental breakdown of some sort."

Even though Servalan's face revealed nothing outwardly; inwardly she was reacting in shock. She had not expected this news; in her eyes, Avon had always proven to be strong in the end, no matter what they did to him. He had always been able to bounce back before.

_Did we do too much to you, Avon?_

She hoped not; she did not want to accept a world where Avon would no longer be able fight.

* * *

Avon had been returned to the _Justice_ and was set up in the medical bay; with Vila in attendance. Vila had refused to leave Avon's side, despite Cally's insistence that he get some rest.

"I can watch Avon," Cally had told him. "You can help him better if you got some rest. You are no good to him if your judgement becomes impaired from lack of sleep."

Even faced with this perfectly reasonable argument, Vila still refused to leave. So Cally had set up a cot for him next to the Avon.

* * *

Avon opened his eyes. For a moment he was disoriented; the last memory he had was of being somewhere unfamiliar. He did not recall any specific details. Now it appeared he was back on the ship.

_This is disturbing. Was it even real? Or was it another nightmare?_

The memories he did have were vague and full of unreasoning fear and panic; they seemed to belong to someone else.

He would have preferred a nightmare rather than this uncertainty; and the possible indication that he was losing his mind.

_At least my mind is clear now. _He could not remember the last time that was true. Feelings of fear and panic threatened to surface again.

_No!_

He closed his eyes in concentration. _As long as my mind is functioning, I will maintain control. _His will was strong. The feelings of fear and panic receded to where they belonged. He opened his eyes again.

_I appear to be in the medical bay on the ship, _he identified. Avon still refused to call the ship by the name the crew had given it while he was at the Detention Centre. The _Justice_ sounded too much like rebel politics. He had enough of that to last a lifetime.

"Avon. You're awake," said Vila.

The thief had been sitting on the cot next to Avon's bio-bed; preoccupied with doing finger exercises with a small round disk. He had only just noticed that Avon's eyes were open.

"Observant as usual, Vila," said Avon. _You were there too, _thought Avon. _In those memories. Should I try to find out if they were real? Do I want to know?_

Vila thought with alarm, _Oh no. It's happening again. He must be reliving the same memory._ _I can't let this happen again._

"Don't do that Avon," said Vila, putting the disk down on the table beside the analyst's bed.

"What are you talking about Vila?"

"You're repeating the same words again. You can't do that."

"You are not making any sense Vila." _As usual, _thought Avon. "Explain yourself."

"Don't you remember?" asked Vila.

"If I knew what you were talking about, I would not be asking."

_You don't remember anything_? wondered Vila. _Should I tell him? Maybe it's better if you don't know. How do you tell someone that they are losing their mind?_

Vila wished Cally were there or even Healer Garett. _They would know how to handle this. _He realized he had to tell Avon something. In the end it was Avon's character which helped him decide.

_You always wanted to know the truth, _thought Vila._ You would hate if we kept this from you and you found out later_.

"Do you remember being down on Zirgon, Avon?" Vila asked him.

"I have vague recollections," answered Avon guardedly. _So the memories are of Zirgon_. He remembered Argus mentioning that he had spent several months there, helping out one of the Reve brothers. _My memories are not completely impaired then._

This was both a relief and a disturbing discovery. _It means that the memories may be true. The unreasoning fear and panic were mine._

He did not remember being brought down to the planet. _I must be suffering from memory lapses as well._

Vila decided to try something. "Do you remember attacking me and injuring me horribly?"

Avon looked at Vila critically; studying him from head to toe. He knew the thief was trying to be clever. _And not succeeding._

"If I were to injure you horribly, Vila; you would be dead," said Avon. "Now tell me what happened on the planet." _It is clear something did._

_He sounds like the old Avon_, thought Vila.

"When you were on Zirgon, we put you in the infirmary. I think it reminded you of when we were in the secondary safe house on Earth," explained Vila. "When you woke up, you started reliving what happened there. Then when things started being different, you began acting strangely. Healer Garett said that your mind couldn't handle it."

Avon had brief flashes of memories as Vila was explaining. The memories seemed disjointed and unreal. They were accompanied by unwelcome feelings.

He also remembered Garett now; the Healer from General Borel's staff. The man had examined his brain with various machines; machines reminiscent of the ones used at the Special Detention Centre.

Garett had also asked many questions in order to assess the condition of his mind; like someone else had done when he was at the Detention Centre.

_Professor Tarkson_.

Avon was beginning to piece together how his brain must have been working. _If I understand it, perhaps I can prevent it from happening again. _This was his hope.

_Garett does not look like Tarkson. But the combination of all these similar factors must have been enough to set off a negative reaction in my mind._

It sounded like a plausible explanation.

"When did this event occur?" asked Avon. "Was this before or after Garett examined me?"

"It was after," replied Vila. _Why would this be important?_ he wondered.

_It makes sense_, thought Avon. His theory had more confirmation. This did not explain the other instances of unreasoning panic he had experienced.

_But it is a start._

Since they were going to force him to live; he was going to make sure it was on his terms. He refused to be a source of sympathy for the others.

* * *

"Why aren't you on the ship with Argus?" Borel asked Reya.

Borel made it a point to share at least one meal with his sister when she was at the command centre. They were sitting around a table in his office; enjoying a delicious meal of grilled meats and vegetables. Borel always tried to arrange some real food whenever he invited his sister for a meal. He knew that the constituted foods onboard the ships may contain all of the required nutrients but what they made up for in nutritional value, they lacked in anything else appealing.

"I have several things to check out here. I will be joining the _Justice_ tomorrow," said Reya.

_"_What happened?" asked Borel with concern in his voice. Reya and Argus's relationship was so volatile from day-to-day that he wasn't sure if they had another blow out fight again. He had been concerned about the two of them since he found out that they had not returned to Argus's ship together.

Instead of answering his question, Reya asked, "Don't you think you've caused enough trouble little brother?"

"I don't know what you mean," said Borel innocently; he had not expected the tables turned on him quite so quickly.

"Remember. No one knows you as well as I do Borel," said Reya. "You have been trying to push Argus and me together since the beginning.

_Was I so obvious?_ thought Borel.

"The two of you didn't need much pushing," he told her. "You forget that I know you well too Reya. You have been fighting this since the beginning. I just gave you a little help."

_Though at times I thought that help might involve sending out a healer team after the two of you. Or perhaps several guards_, thought Borel.

_Was I so obvious?_ thought Reya. It was disconcerting having a brother who understood her as well as Borel did. _How did you know I was trying to avoid it, when I didn't know it myself?_

"You don't need to worry about us," she told him. "Whatever comes out of our relationship will be determined by us. Now can we stop talking about this? Or do you want me ask about the state of your relationship?"

"Let's talk about something else," said Borel hastily.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Garett had been studying the rebel leader carefully while they talked together in Argus's cabin. He had worked with military men for most of his time as a healer; Argus was both a typical and atypical example of one. The decision Argus had made down on Zirgon was definitely not typical. It had made Garett curious about this man.

Since Garett could not administer the therapy required, he wanted to make certain the Avon would still receive the care needed. In order for that to happen, Avon needed Argus.

"In order for Avon to recover, he has to be encouraged to talk about what happened to him. That is the only way for him to work through it. That responsibility will fall to you," said Garett.

"I am not a therapist," said Argus. He did not like this idea.

"None of you are," Garett pointed out. "But since you refuse to allow the others access to his files, then you are the only one who can do it."

"I have a good reason for keeping the files locked. But I am the last person you should ask to do this," said Argus.

"I agree with your reasons for doing so. Avon feels vulnerable enough already. He does not need the additional stress of feeling exposed. But that means you have no choice, Commander. The others can help in his treatment but you are the one who has to draw him out."

Argus reflected how odd it was to think of Avon as being vulnerable.

"This is a very bad idea. Avon doesn't even trust me. The others have known him much longer than I have," said Argus.

"On the contrary, you have already told me that you are the one he went to for help in breaking the conditioning," said Garett.

"He thought that the others would be sensitive enough about his pain; to not be able to do what was required. He knew I did not have that problem."

"You are underestimating yourself Commander. He went to you because he knew he could trust you to be strong enough to remain detached. There is another reason why it must be you."

Argus wasn't sure there was even a good first reason, never mind another one.

Garett continued, "Other than Vila, you are the only other person who has experienced torture and confinement."

"Then why can't Vila do this?" asked Argus. He was still not convinced it had to be him.

"Commander, do you realistically think that Avon would accept Vila in that role?" asked Garett. "Avon will be very resistant to this. You will need to push him to do it. Do you think Vila would be capable of that?"

* * *

Vila was mumbling to himself as he came down the steps to the flight deck for his shift.

"It's not fair," he said.

"What's wrong now, Vila," asked Jenna.

"It's not fair," repeated Vila. "I thought it I was supposed to be helping Avon but Argus has got me sorting and moving clothes."

"Clothes?" asked Jenna. This sounded like a strange request.

"Yes, he has me moving some of the clothes that fit Avon into one of the smaller storage rooms.

Specifically Vila was moving all of the grey coloured clothing which would fit Avon and did not resemble Avon's previous prison coveralls.

Vila didn't mention that it was his own idea which had led to this course of action. He had made the suggestion just before he had teleported Garett back down to Zirgon. The healer had thought it an excellent idea to help Avon through the transition.

When Vila had told Argus his suggestion, he had not expected to be the one asked to do it. Vila had thought that since he was the one who had made the suggestion; it was only fair that someone else would do the actual work. Argus didn't seem to have the same idea.

* * *

Until he got to the point where they were confident he was not going to harm himself; Avon was being restrained in the medical bay when he slept. During the rest of the day, he was always followed by one of the crew. Even Commander Reve had been recruited to provide escort duties.

"This is not necessary," Avon had protested.

"Humour me," was Argus's response.

"I didn't think you cared," said Avon sarcastically.

"I don't," said Argus. "But you are too useful to lose." His manner was cool and matter of fact; something which Avon appreciated about Argus.

"You do care," said Avon, trying to goad the rebel leader.

"So long as you are useful, yes," said Argus evenly. He was not going to be baited.

So despite his protests, Avon continued to be restrained in the medical bay when it came time for him to sleep; even though it sometimes took the two commanders to _persuade_ him to go.

* * *

"It's going to be alright," Vila said to Avon. They were both outside the storage room which Vila had moved Avon's clothes to the day before.

"This'll be easy," he assured the analyst. "All you have to do is…"

"Vila," Avon interrupted the thief.

"Yes?" asked Vila.

"Shut up," Avon told him. Vila nodded and smiled encouragingly.

"And stop smiling at me," Avon told him. "It is not encouraging. The opposite in fact. Now open the door," Avon told Vila.

Vila waved his hand across the door panel; the door slid open.

Avon took a deep breath and entered, followed by the thief.

* * *

The small storage room was considerably smaller than the wardrobe room. This helped.

For a few moments Avon was feeling nothing different. But as he began to think about why he was in the room, the unreasoning feelings of panic were beginning to return.

_No_.

Avon closed his eyes and tried to push down the panic.

Vila watched quietly. He knew what Avon was trying to do; and he knew that Avon had to be left alone as long is it appeared that he was still in control.

Avon's mind was working, trying to apply logic to his situation.

"What colour do you see?" Avon asked. His eyes were still closed and his voice was calm.

"What do you mean?" asked Vila confused.

"The clothes. What colour are they?"

"Oh. They're grey," said Vila.

"All of them?"

"Yes."

_Well, at least there is nothing wrong with my vision_. For a few moments Avon had thought that his eyes had lost the ability to see in the colour spectrum.

"Why?" Avon asked. As long as he had something to reason out, it helped to distract his mind. During this exchange he was still the old Avon; impassive, unemotional, and analytical.

"I thought it would help you," said Vila explaining.

"Why would you think that?" asked Avon.

"Look at what you're wearing," Vila told him.

Avon opened his eyes and looked down at himself. With shock he realized how similar his clothes looked to the prison coveralls which were his only clothing at the Detention Centre. He had never noticed before. _I picked these._

Avon closed his eyes again, the feelings of panic were returning as this fact registered. He struggled to maintain coherent thought.

"Have all the clothes I picked since coming back looked like this?" he asked.

Vila hesitated. He had not expected to be answering questions like this. The thief wasn't sure if it was a good idea to verify this information or not.

_Where is Argus?_ thought Vila. _He's supposed to be the one doing this. _Moving and sorting clothes didn't seem that bad to him now.

"Yes," answered Vila.

As Vila had feared, this caused more feelings of panic for Avon. Avon had not realized what bad a state he was in.

_Need logic. Need something logical to think about. _Avon's mind struggled to find something to concentrate on. His eyes remained closed. It helped not seeing the shelves of clothing waiting to be chosen.

_How could there possibly be this many grey clothes in my size in the wardrobe room?_ He wondered if Vila had deliberately coloured them that way.

_I can't do this. Not yet_, he realized. The panic was still growing; he was just not paying any attention to it.

Avon reached out his hands towards one of the shelves, nearly hitting Vila in the eye.

"Ow." Vila reacted in surprise and pain. "Watch it."

"_You're_ the one with your eyes open," pointed out Avon. He was _almost_ certain that he hadn't done it intentionally; but with the state of his mind, he couldn't be certain of anything.

Avon's hands found what he was searching for. He grabbed the item of clothing and bolted out the door without waiting to see if Vila was following. Just outside the door Avon stopped. He took a deep breath and looked at what his hands were holding. The panic was subsiding.

The door to the small storage room slid open again. Vila came out.

"Vila," Avon said. "Can you go back inside?"

"Why?" asked Vila. He was still rubbing the spot where Avon had accidentally hit him.

Avon lifted the item in his hands, it was just a shirt. "I think I might need more than this."

* * *

The _Justice_ was making its way towards quadrant eight at standard by three. At this speed, it would give them some time to concentrate on helping Avon before they reached their destination.

These days the leader of the crew was looking increasingly tired and strained; while Avon was looking much better.

Avon was aware that for Argus, the sessions between them were an exercise in frustration.

At first it had been extremely difficult for Avon. Reliving the events of the past three years was something Avon wanted to avoid at all costs. Argus had persisted while Avon did everything to make the man's life miserable. After awhile Avon realized that his own concentration was slowly improving. The exercise of avoiding Argus's questions was having a beneficial side effect.

Avon had not told Argus yet.

Avon was finding it increasingly easier to direct the conversation away from what Argus wanted; he was finding it quite entertaining frustrating the poor rebel leader.

* * *

"We may be trying to help Avon regain his mind, but I'm losing mine," Argus said to Reya. "Avon is driving me insane. If he weren't in such bad shape, I'd say he was doing it deliberately."

The two commanders were sharing an early breakfast during the ship's morning cycle. They were alone.

Vila was with Avon. Cally was on the flight deck and Jenna was sleeping.

Argus and Reya had spent most of their time together discussing the phenomenon in quadrant and planning strategy.

Reya, Jenna and Cally were spending a lot of time together in the exercise facility. Finding out that the commander was an expert in many types of unarmed combat, Jenna had asked for some training.

At other times, Reya spent a lot of time talking with the Jenna. The two women seemed to have hit it off. It made Argus nervous; one was his lover, the other an old friend; the only two women who knew him.

"Are we talking about something personal now?" asked Reya. They were still trying to avoid the complications that a closer interaction would cause on the ship.

"Avon has someone to talk to," said Argus.

Argus rarely shared anything regarding personal feelings or problems; except with Reya. Even with Jenna he was very guarded about his past.

Reya regarded him with interest. When she had first found out what Healer Garett had asked Argus to do; like Argus himself, she had not thought it a good idea. Afterwards, she considered it interesting to see how he would handle it.

_Have you reached the end of your patience finally? _thought Reya.

"Why don't you find Jenna, Vila or Cally and talk to them" said Reya. "They might find it odd that you were coming to me."

"I don't need them," said Argus. "I need you."

Reya asked, "Are you sure that talking is the only thing you're after?"

Argus smiled wryly. "This time, yes."

He tried not to think about anything else he could need from her.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

"Come on," encouraged Vila, as he led the way. Avon was moving slowly this morning. It had nothing to do with the ever-present pain caused by the knee implant. He had spent a restless night and had not wanted to wake up. Vila had insisted that they follow the normal routine. There was something in Vila's manner which instantly made Avon suspicious.

_You are much too eager for me to follow you this morning_, thought Avon. _What are you up to Vila?_

It was another morning aboard the _Justice_ and another time in which Vila was bringing Avon to the small storage space, adapted to help the analyst regain a sense of control over his own life.

They arrived at the door to the storage room. Vila stepped aside to let Avon enter.

_It is only clothing_, Avon reminded himself. He steeled himself and entered; Avon immediately began laughing. He did not remember the last time he had anything to laugh about but this definitely qualified as such an occasion.

Vila smiled and entered the room as well.

The shelves were still full of clothing. There was one major difference though; they were now all in black.

Vila began laughing as well. The two men's laughter filled the small storage room.

Avon was not experiencing any feelings of panic or fear; just a sense of great amusement.

_These are my clothes_, thought Avon. He had a great sense of relief. _Finally something which is mine._

In a rare gesture, Avon put a hand on Vila's shoulder. "Thank you, Vila."

Vila was also relieved. His idea had worked. He had spent the better part of the previous day making the alterations.

This was something he had learned in helping his delta friends who had undergone long periods of imprisonment. They needed to be able to reconnect with familiar things; things which originated before their imprisonment. Vila remembered that Avon had taken to wearing black a lot in the years before Gauda Prime. That was what had given him the idea.

_We can work on the other colours later_, Vila thought jokingly.

* * *

"You're in love with each other, aren't you?" Jenna said unexpectedly. It was her turn to keep watch on the flight deck. Argus always insisted that one of them be on the flight deck at all times. It meant many boring watches.

The female commander had decided to keep Jenna company.

Reya had been sitting relaxed on the couch as they were talking. At Jenna's surprising question, she sat up.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Reya replied.

"You and Argus," said Jenna; making sure there were no misunderstandings whom she was talking about. "Though the two of you do a very good job of trying to act like you aren't." She noted the commander's reaction. _Yes, very much in love. _Jenna had very good instincts about people.

Looking at Jenna, Reya realized that there was no point in trying to deny it. She sighed. "I didn't think we were that obvious."

_I thought we had done a better job in concealing it_, thought Reya.

"Don't worry, the two of you do hide it well. I didn't know for certain until you confirmed it just now."

Reya smiled wryly as she recognized that she had been outmaneuvred.

"What gave us away?" she asked.

"I've known Argus for a long time. There is no mistaking the way he looks at you sometimes; though he tries to hide it. I've never seen him look that way at anyone before."

"I hope that's not going to cause a problem for you," said Reya. She knew that Argus and Jenna had a much longer history together than she did with him.

_She must be worried that I'm jealous_, thought Jenna. _I guess in her place I would be too._

"I must admit that I was interested in Argus when we first met. It's hard not to be. A lot of women wanted his attention," Jenna told her truthfully.

_I didn't know that_, thought Reya. _I wonder if you were even aware of it, Argus._ She doubted it.

Jenna continued, "But I don't think he even noticed. You know how he's like. It doesn't even occur to him to become involved with people he leads. Not even casually."

_Yes I do know, _thought Reya. They were both very alike in that respect.

Jenna said, "You don't have anything to be worried about where I'm concerned. I'm very happy for him. He needs someone like you."

_It's probably best that I don't tell her that I always hoped things would change one day_, thought Jenna. She smiled inwardly,_ He never knew that either._

"I appreciate your honesty," said Reya. "I'd rather that Argus not know right now; he's already got enough on his mind; without thinking about the implications of you knowing about us."

Jenna nodded.

"You don't have to hide your relationship," said Jenna.

"Argus feels it would cause too many complications if your crew knew."

Jenna understood. "He does like being seen as the cold, calculating leader, doesn't he? Having a personal life would interfere with that."

"He does see himself that way," said Reya with a slight smile. "You know him well."

Jenna smiled, "Enough to know that he can be more stubborn that is good for him. You know that you won't be able to hide it forever. Especially not on a ship like this."

"He wants to hold it off as long as possible."

"You're waiting for _him_ to discover that it isn't possible?"

"As you said, he can be very stubborn. He's also convinced himself that he's protecting me. When he gets like that, it's best to let him discover his own mistakes."

_It's either that, or fight. Which we are good at_, thought Reya wryly. The two of them had not had a major disagreement since the day Argus confessed how he felt about her. Reya suspected that he was nervous to. She didn't want to pressure him.

"Lets talk about something else," suggested Reya.

* * *

"What shall we talk about today?" Avon asked Argus with obviously fake enthusaism. They sat across the table from each other in Argus's cabin. Argus had dragged the resisting Avon in for another one of their "therapy sessions."

Despite his seemingly strong reluctance, Avon was coming to enjoy these sessions. They did not serve any of the purposes which Argus had intended for them; that was part of Avon's enjoyment.

In a way, these sessions reminded Avon of the conversations with psychostrategist Sester at the Special Detention Centre. Even though Avon had never participated voluntarily; those conversations had been his only human contact when he was imprisoned. It was the only time his mind was exercised on anything other than one of Servalan's projects. Sester had been a worthy and interesting opponent. Avon had both hated the sessions and needed them.

The analyst had been surprised to discover that Argus was not the brutish Federation command thug that he had first thought. The rebel leader's designation as an alpha grade was not in name only.

In the Federated Worlds, there were two official ways to be classified as an alpha grade; all children were tested and graded when they reached the required age; others were born to alpha-grade parents and carried the correct genetic markers.

There was another way, a grade classification could be bought through illegal channels. Vila had done this in order to avoid military service; or so he claimed.

Avon had spent these therapy sessions frustrating Argus and carrying on conversations about everything except what they were supposed to be talking about. It had been highly entertaining and Avon had learned a lot about the rebel leader.

"Have you been enjoying yourself?" Argus asked.

Avon looked curiously at Argus.

_This is an odd question_, Avon thought. _Have you finally guessed what I've been doing?_

Argus was normally determined and very serious in these sessions; as well as strained and resigned. Today he seemed to be different. He was much more relaxed.

"I thought one of us should," replied Avon.

"Has it helped?"

_Another odd question,_ thought Avon. "What do you think you have helped?" he challenged.

"It seems to be increasingly easier for you to avoid my questions and control the conversation. And your concentration has been improving," Argus said.

"You've noticed," said a surprised Avon.

"I thought one of us should," said Argus dryly. There was a challenge in his eyes.

Avon smiled. It was time for them to progress further. Even though Avon had not wanted to follow Garett's orders to talk about his experiences at the Detention Centre; he was wise enough to recognize that he had to; if he ever wanted to recover enough to be useful again.

Until now, Avon had not been ready. He was reluctant to admit it but the time with Argus had helped.

"When I was at the Detention Centre, I was visited periodically by Sester and sometimes Servalan," Avon began.

Argus was shocked that Avon was finally willing to talk about the Detention Centre. There was no reaction on Argus's his face but there was an increased alertness. He knew the last thing Avon needed was someone reacting emotionally and with sympathy; Avon needed someone detached and objective.

Avon told Argus about the conversation sessions at the Centre; and about his anger and helplessness at being used to provide amusement for others. He told him about how they used him even when they knew he was about to collapse from exhaustion; or was in so much pain from the torture sessions that he could barely think, then punishing when he could not satisfy them; or how it amused Servalan to kept him talking until it was time for him to work again, not allowing him any time to rest.

It was a slow beginning. It did not deal with the most serious things they had done to him; but it was a beginning.

"So that is what you have been doing to me?" asked Argus. "You were pushing me into the role that you were forced into at the Centre? So that you could work out what happened to you?"

"Not at first," admitted Avon. "I didn't realize what I was doing until several days ago."

"And you decided not to tell me?"

"I needed some more time." Avon said. He smiled tiredly. He had not realized how draining it would be to talk about what had happened to him at the Detention Centre.

"You needed to feel in control again," said Argus with understanding. "At my expense."

"You did volunteer for the role."

_I would hardly say that_, thought Argus. "Are you ready to talk about the other things now?" asked Argus.

Avon did not respond. _I need to do this, _he told himself. Even though he was feeling exhausted and needed to rest, there was something else he needed to do.

"I want an exchange," Avon said finally.

"This is not a barter situation, Avon."

"I will cooperate in these sessions if you tell me something first."

"What do you want to know?"

"I want you to tell me about Commander Reve."

Argus was shocked; this was the last thing he had expected.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I refuse to be the only one feeling exposed," said Avon. "That is my condition."

Avon recognized patterns; and the pattern of interaction between Argus and the female commander had indicated something hidden, even though they hid it well.

Argus understood Avon's position. He would have preferred being tortured again; rather than having to do what he was asking Avon to do. Argus just wished he was not the other person being asked to pay a price.

"Very well," said Argus. He was committed to helping Avon. Not even personal considerations would stand in the way of that.

Argus spent the rest of their session telling Avon some details about his relationship with Reya. Argus hoped he would not regret it after Avon recovered.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

The _Justice_ was finally approaching quadrant eight and everyone was on the flight deck. Even Avon was at his operations station; though Cally was standing nearby.

Argus nodded to Avon.

Avon was not normally a self-conscious person but he could almost feel all of their eyes on him as he made his way slowly over to where ORAC lay on the table in the conference area. This was the first real test of his improved concentration.

After his last session with Argus, Avon had insisted on trying. It was important to him that he become a useful member of the crew again; instead of someone they all had to make allowances for. Argus had agreed.

Avon hoped he was not being overconfident in his own recovery. The thing he needed even less than dismal failure was pity.

_We shall see if we are both fools_, thought Avon as he slipped the activation key into ORAC's case.

"ORAC," said Avon.

"Yes Avon?" the computer's familiar voice replied.

"Have you made the projections as to the possible locations the phenomenom will appear next?"

"Of course I have," the computer responded irritably.

Avon smiled. The attitude of the computer unit was both irritating and reassuringly familiar.

"Project the locations on a gridded holomap," instructed Avon.

"Very well," the computer said with great reluctance.

The requested gridded reference map appeared above the table. Argus, Reya and Jenna gathered around the map with Avon. There were six red points mapped.

"That is considerably better than our own projections," said Reya.

"Yes, it is much more manageable," agreed Argus. "Do you still have a unit monitoring here?" he asked Reya.

"Yes. Three ships. Here, here and here," she pointed out the locations.

"What do you suggest Avon? We have six points and four ships," said Argus. He refused to treat Avon any differently; he knew that Avon did not want to be treated differently.

Avon studied the map. He was trying to remain relaxed as he concentrated.

Avon had never found this type of thinking difficult; on the contrary, it always came naturally to him. It was not the case now as he tried to concentrate on the map. He had to consciously think about each step; it was no longer an automatic process.

He was aware that his own breathing was becoming rapid and that he was expending an increasing amount of energy in order to maintain his concentration and to apply the complex thinking required for this kind of problem.

_This should be child's play for me_, thought Avon. He hated that it wasn't.

Cally had been watching Avon carefully. _He is still having difficulties_, she noted. She decided that he was all right for the present.

"ORAC, show in chronological order, the sightings of the phenomenom," Avon instructed the computer.

"Observe on the screen," said ORAC.

Green coloured spots began appearing on the map. They all studied them.

Avon compared the projected locations with the observed ones.

_There is something_, thought Avon. His mind recognized that much; pattern recognition had always been one of his strong points. _But what is it_? He struggled to reason it out.

"Argus, what projections did you ask ORAC to make? I need your exact instructions." Avon was starting to get an idea; he was also starting to develop a headache.

Avon was finding it increasingly harder to maintain his concentration. Pieces of information were becoming jumbled in his mind. It took a great conscious effort to keep it coherent.

_I need to finish __this_, thought Avon. _Before my mind fails me again_.

"I asked ORAC to project the possible locations the phenomenom would appear next; given the characteristics of the locations it has been sighted at and the pattern of the locations," replied Argus.

"That's all?" asked Avon.

"Yes. Is there something wrong?" Argus could see that Avon had an idea.

"Yes. There is something wrong if the sightings are not the only locations where the phenomenom has been."

"But those are the only ones we are aware of," said Reya. "Those are the only locations we can provide for the projection."

"Yes, those are the only confirmed locations," agreed Avon. "An ordinary computer is limited to operating on known facts."

"But not ORAC?" asked Reya.

"ORAC," Avon addressed the computer again.

"Yes Avon," it was sounding oddly cooperative. ORAC seemed to know that it was going to be asked to do something very clever; something only it could do.

"Am I correct that you can apply the principles you used for locating Blake to this situation; and recalculate the possible locations using both the confirmed locations and the possible unconfirmed ones?"

"Yes, Avon."

"Well, get on with it ORAC." They could all see the lights on the computer unit becoming more active. _Just a little longer_, thought Avon.

"How is that possible?" asked Reya. "How can ORAC do that?"

"I could explain it to you," said Avon. "But I would have to spend years teaching you the theoretical mathematics required to understand it."

Avon was feeling very tired now. _Why must this be so hard?_ he thought.

"Is he always like this?" asked Reya asked Argus.

"Actually he must like you," volunteered Vila from his neutron blaster control station. "He's never offered to teach anyone before."

Reya wasn't sure it was meant to be a help coming from the cynical Avon.

"In your case, Vila. I doubt any level of teaching would help," remarked Avon dryly.

"How would you like me to colour all your clothes pink," retorted Vila.

"I have made the necessary recalculations," interrupted ORAC. It sounded very pleased with itself. "Please observe on the screen." Their attentions turned back to the holomap.

Three of the green dots disappeared from the screen.

"That's very impressive," said Reya. "But how accurate is this kind of projection?"

"ORAC?" Avon asked. He was sweating now.

Cally had not missed the deterioration of Avon's physical and mental condition. She was close to stepping in and recommending that he go and get some rest. The Auron had held off as long as she could. _I can wait a few more minutes_, she thought as ORAC responded.

"The accuracy of the projected locations is 89.02 percent with an error factor of plus or minus two percent."

"What about the accuracy of the original prediction?" asked Avon.

"The accuracy of the original prediction is 91.34 with a plus or minus factor of one percent."

"We have our three locations then," said Argus.

Argus had also been observing Avon carefully and noticed that he was having difficulties. When the others had their attentions occupied by the images on the holomap, he caught the analyst's eyes and imperceptibly shook his head.

Avon understood what the rebel leader was trying to communicate. Argus wanted him to leave the flight deck and get some rest. Avon's automatic response was to rebel at the idea of being told to do anything. But he decided it was less embarrassing to follow Argus's direction rather than be stubborn and collapse from exhaustion on the flight deck.

Avon was having considerable difficulty now. The pain from his knee always seemed to be worse when he was like this. _When will it end_, he thought tiredly. Avon was tired of the pain. He nodded in agreement to Argus.

"Commander Reve," Argus addressed Reya. "Can you direct your ships to patrol the designated areas?"

"I will do that," agreed Reya.

"Cally can you set up the necessary communication links to the ships?" Argus continued giving directions.

As the crew focused on their various tasks and watched as Reya use the ship's comm system to communicate with her ships, Avon quietly left.

Argus nodded to Vila. The thief knew what to do and followed after a few seconds.

* * *

Avon moved slowly down the corridor away from the flight deck. He was breathing as if he had just run a long distance. Both his mind and body were exhausted. His head was pounding. He reached out with his hand to steady himself against the wall.

_Must not stop_. He forced himself to keep going.

As Vila followed Avon, he was envisioning a repetition of the previous collapse.

_I hope not_, thought Vila. He did not want to see Avon suffer a setback; not after he seemed to be making so much progress.

Avon stopped. "If you insist on following me, Vila. You might as well make yourself useful," said Avon without even looking back towards the thief.

Vila was almost certain he had not made any noise.

"Oh. Right." Vila came up to where Avon stood, leaning with his hand against the wall.

"You look terrible," said Vila.

"That's not the help I was looking for," said Avon.

"Sorry," said Vila, as he took Avon's arm and put it around his shoulder; so that the analyst could lean on him.

The analyst and the thief made their way slowly towards the corridor containing the sleeping quarters. By the time they reached Avon's cabin, both of them were breathing heavily.

_I must get in better shape_, thought Vila. _Maybe I can join the girls in the gym._ He thought it was an idea worth exploring. He knew that the two women had been spending a lot of time working with the female commander in the gym. Vila was curious to find out more about her. _Not that she's my type_, thought Vila.

"Do you want me to tuck you in?" asked Vila jokingly as Avon activated the door control. Avon glared at him.

"I guess not," said Vila hastily. He was about to leave when he realized that he had made a mistake. "I forgot."

"What is it?" asked Avon irritably. He was about to close the door on Vila.

"I forgot you're supposed to be sleeping in the medical bay." _And restrained. _But Vila did not think it a nice thing to do to Avon after what he had done for them on the flight deck.

Avon glared at him again.

"Unless you think you can carry me to the medical bay by yourself, Vila, I suggest you leave," said Avon.

Vila was torn. He did not like difficult decisions. This was one. He knew that all he needed to do was go back to the flight deck and get Argus. Both Argus and the female commander were quite capable of carrying Avon to the medical bay, regardless of how much he resisted.

Vila did not want to take that step. He knew that not only would Avon not go willing with him; physically he was probably not able to. After their journey through the corridors, Vila knew Avon did not have much energy left.

"Trust me, Vila," Avon reassured him. "I have no intention of killing myself. Have I ever lied to you?"

_Why did you have to say that?_ thought Vila. He had to admit that though Avon may have consistently insulted him and given him a hard time over the years; Avon had never lied to him.

"No. You haven't," said Vila. "Don't start now," he added.

Avon nodded.

"Get some rest," said Vila as he went back to the flight deck.

Avon's door slid closed.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

"Is that it?" asked Vila.

The _Justice_ had just achieved stationary orbit over a small moon. The crew and Commander Reve were on the flight deck again, looking at the main viewscreen. The screen showed a small unremarkable dull grey-coloured moon.

"As usual Vila, your description is childishly simple but accurate," said Avon.

Vila wasn't sure he had given a description; and all of them were not sure if it was meant to be a compliment or not; though considering the source, it was probably supposed to be a sarcastic remark. This was unfortunate since Avon had intended it to be a compliment.

Avon had been making rare gestures like this since Vila had helped him with the clothing storage room. He found it amusing that it seemed to confuse them all and not once did it produce the intended result.

"What do we do now?" asked Jenna. "Just wait?"

"Yes. We wait," said Argus. "Commander Reve and I will take turns being on the flight deck at all times. You, Cally and Vila will continue your normal shifts."

"You're both going to be very tired if the object doesn't show up soon," said Jenna.

"That can't be helped," said Argus. "Why don't you get some rest Commander," Argus told Reya. "I will take the first shift."

"Very well Commander," said Reya. No other discussion was required; Argus and Reya had been planning this for the past week. Reya nodded and left the flight deck without another word.

Jenna watched with interest as the female commander left. She had not thought it possible for two people to be as deeply in love as Argus and Reya clearly were; to be so cold and professional with each other.

_You definitely hide it well_, thought Jenna. _You probably don't realize that the longer you do that, the harder it becomes for you.

* * *

_

"We don't need to do this Argus," said Avon, blocking his doorway. "Not until after this mission."

Argus had appeared at Avon's door after Reya had relieved him on the flight deck. He was carrying a decanter and two glasses.

"You agreed to continue talking about the Detention Centre in our last session," said Argus. "I am not letting you off that easily. You might as well let me in Avon. Or would you prefer we do this out in the corridor."

Avon stepped aside and let him in.

Argus put the decanter and the two glasses on the table they normally sat at.

"Do you think that will help?" asked Avon.

"It's for me," said Argus. He poured two glasses and pushed one over to Avon's side of the table.

The two men took a stiff drink from their respective glasses. They both needed it.

"I want you to tell me what happened on Terrus, when Servalan captured you," said Argus. He thought it reasonable to start at the beginning.

Avon's mind went back to the neutral trading centre and what happened at the warehouse when he first exchanged himself for Cally. Avon allowed the memories to surface.

His mind immediately jumped to what happened afterwards; when Servalan had used the nightmares to break him down; until his sanity hung on a balance and he had been forced to accept a compromise.

_You were very clever, Servalan. Both you and Sester. _He shivered. It was the first time he had realized what a dangerous position he was in.

For the next three years, it had been a desperate struggle against two opponents who together, had outmatched him. They had crushed him repeatedly and made sure he knew that he was completely helpless against them.

He still remembered being in a chair in the lab with his hands restrained behind him; as the two of them toyed with him, torturing him until he lost consciousness. The pleasure on Servalan's face brought feelings of hatred.

Avon was breathing heavily now as the memories filled his mind. He winced at the recollections of a pain long past. His hands clenched involuntarily. He could feel the pain.

_No. I'm not ready for this yet_, thought Avon. He was shivering. His body was reacting to something his mind told him was not happening.

_This is not real. It was in the past, _he told himself. He tried to push back against the flood of memories. Once his mind unleashed them; the drugs no longer helped. The memories overwhelmed him.

"Avon!" Argus shouted as he shook the analyst by the shoulders. He had watched with alarm as Avon had lost control over the memories. Argus slapped Avon, trying to bring him back from where his mind had carried him.

The pain and the shout broke through Avon's consciousness; but his mind was disoriented. Argus slapped him again and shouted, "Avon!" He lifted his hand to strike him again, this time Avon grabbed his hand. "Enough, Argus. I'm fine now."

Argus let Avon go and stepped back. "No. You're not fine. I shouldn't have pushed you."

Avon rubbed his face where Argus had hit him; it still stung. Red marks were beginning to appear.

"Can you not hit me so hard next time?" said Avon. His voice reflected how tired he was. He felt drained.

"You want to keep doing this?" asked Argus incredulously. It was obvious to him that Avon was not ready yet.

"I need to do this," said Avon. There was a grim determination in his voice.

Avon hated the loss of control which he just experienced.

Argus understood Avon's determination and respected his desire to regain control over his own life. He nodded. "Alright," he said in agreement. "But we will have to do this differently."

"Agreed." Avon hated giving up control to anyone but he realized that if he allowed his own mind to control the memories, he would be lost again.

"You will have to direct me," said Avon. _I hate this_. "I will have to talk to you while I recall the memories. Keep me within a narrow window of recall. It will be easier to handle. Don't let me jump ahead." _Don't let me lose control again._

One thing which encouraged Avon to continue was Argus's reaction; or rather his lack of emotional reaction. It made things much easier for Avon. Any show of sympathy or pity and it would have made it impossible for him to go on.

Avon saw the looks of concern and compassion from the crew; though no one ever spoke to him about it. They didn't need to. It hung in the air like an unpleasant odour which refused to dissipate whenever one of the others was present.

Avon hated it; hated that they thought they understood his pain; hated the pity they felt for someone who was nothing but a burned-out shell, because that shell was him. He hated that he could not even chose his own clothing without needing someone else's assistance. He hated that his mind had failed him.

"You should get some rest now," directed Argus.

"Not yet."

"You can't continue today, Avon. I will get something for your face from the medical bay. I shouldn't have hit you so hard."

"Not yet," Avon said again. "It's your turn."

"Not again. That was only a one time thing," said Argus. "So that you would not feel like the only one exposed."

"I told you that was my condition and you agreed."

"You didn't say that I was supposed to do this every time," protested Argus. With dismay he realized that Avon had not said that the last time would be the only time either.

"Are you going to do it?" asked Avon.

Argus hated being forced to do this; again he hoped that he would not regret it later.

Argus did what Avon asked. He told him more about his relationship with Reya. The more he talked, the more exposed he felt. What was between Reya and himself had always been private; even their arguments.

* * *

There was no reason for the entire crew to be on the flight deck. They were all still waiting for something to happen. For some illogical reason, it seemed to be easier to wait together. When they were not asleep, everyone was on the flight deck; waiting.

Reya had just finished her shift but was hanging around because she wanted to be near Argus. They were both careful not to stand anywhere near each other.

"Alright, I can't stand this anymore," declared Jenna.

"We have to be patient," said Argus.

"That's not what I'm talking about," said Jenna. "Either one of you leave the room, or stop staring at each other when you don't think anyone's looking."

Argus and Reya glanced guiltily at each. _Damn._ _I didn't know I was doing that, _thought Argus.He wondered if Jenna had guessed.

"Who are you talking about?" asked Argus, looking directly at Jenna; who was at the pilot's station next to his. His best defence was always to go on the offensive.

"She already knows Argus," said Reya. Reya wished she had left earlier but it had become increasingly harder to both be with Argus and at the same time not really be with him.

Argus turned to look at her.

"I do as well," said Cally. Argus now turned and looked at Cally in astonishment. "I have known for quite some time," the Auron told him.

Argus felt as if he had suddenly been stripped and was standing naked on the flight deck. He wanted to fight someone.

Argus looked at Avon, his eyes daring him to say something, anything.

Avon refrained from saying anything; but there was an expression of amusement on his face. From their conversations, he knew how uncomfortable Argus was when faced with having his private life exposed.

"Is there anyone who doesn't know?" Argus asked in irritation.

"Will someone tell me what I'm missing?" asked Vila. He was confused by the strange exchange which was taking place.

_Even Avon knows_, thought Vila. _I bet even ORAC knows. Why don't I know?_

"Argus? Reya? Do you want to explain?" asked Jenna.

Even Reya had an amused expression on her face now.

Argus sighed. There was no point in hiding it any longer.

"The commander and I are more closely acquainted than we appear to be," he told Vila.

"Oh." Vila's jaw dropped. He had been so preoccupied with helping Avon that he had not noticed.

_Is there anything__ else am I missing_, wondered VIla.

* * *

"Your crew is amusing," Reya said to Argus. They were both alone, in Argus's cabin.

"And sweet," she added.

Jenna, with the full backing of the others, had insisted that Argus and Reya leave the flight deck and spend some time together. They all insisted that between four of them, they could handle things for a few hours without them. They had all even threatened to leave the flight deck; leaving Argus and Reya alone.

"I'm glad _you_ find it amusing."

She smiled. "It's not that bad Argus."

"They're interfering in things they don't understand." He wasn't sure he understood it himself. His relationship with Reya was a constant amazement and source of mystery for him.

"I think they understand too well," said Reya.

"They seem to think we need this," said Argus.

Reya thought, _I should have realized what Jenna was planning after she revealed that she knew about us. Should have realized she wasn't going to let it go._

Argus and Reya had stopped talking. They just stood looking each other; drinking in each other's presence. The energy between them was so strong they were almost afraid to touch each other.

One minute they were looking deeply into each other's eyes; the next, they were locked in a passionate embrace and Reya already had Argus out of his shirt and jacket.

She was caressing his muscled body as their kisses became deeper and more insistent. They were so lost in the sensation of each other that they almost forgot to breathe.

"I need some oxygen," gasped Argus as he broke off their kiss. They were both breathing heavily, trying to fill oxygen-starved lungs as they continued to hold each other.

"How do you do that?" he asked her.

"Do what?" asked Reya as her lips trailed down his neck and then to his bare chest.

"I didn't even notice you taking off my jacket and shirt before."

"You were busy at the time."

He took a sharp breath in as she lightly bit him and then continued teasing him with her lips.

"You're very good at that," he remarked, trying to control himself. He knew she preferred to take her time. _But it has been along time_, he thought. _Maybe the others were right._

For the two of them that meant over a week. Although to be fair, they had not been sleeping together very long; and a week in that context was a very long time.

"I'm good at many things." _I miss this_, thought Reya.

"Can you be good at them a little faster?" he asked. Argus was finding it very difficult now.

Reya laughed. "Depends on how fast you can get _my_ clothes off." _I miss our exchanges, _thought Reya. Dealing with each other on a professional had not fulfilled their deep need for each other.

"Is that a challenge?"

"I'm still waiting." _I miss that we are not there to challenge each other._

It didn't take much longer after that. He was almost as fast as she had been.

Soon they were on the bed, flesh pressed tightly against flesh and moving in rhythm to each other's passion. _I had almost forgotten how perfectly we fit into each other, _thought Argus. _So soft and so hard. _

He lightly raked his fingernails down the length of her back; increasing the pressure as he reached her lower back. It was her turn to take a sharp breath; she moaned softly and arched her body against his. He covered her mouth with his and kissed her deeply again.

He rolled slightly. And hit his head." Ouch," said Argus. "This is not working. These beds are not designed for anything more active than sleeping." He stopped moving.

Reya did not want him to stop but she had also been finding the bunk restrictive. "They're not much for space either," she said. The narrowness of the bed had limited their options considerably. They had both been afraid of knocking each other off the bed. She wondered what kind of people the Altans were.

"The floor has a lot of space," she suggested.

"What would I do without you?" he said teasingly.

"Floor. Now Argus."

"Yes, Commander," said Argus as he bore her to the ground; then they did the things they had wanted to do but had not been able to on the bed.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Sester was reporting regularly to the Federation President now. He was part of her weekly schedule. She employed him in a diverse range of capacities; from coordinating with the various psychostrategy teams to secret meetings on her behalf; some of them having nothing to do with the Federation at all.

Sester reflected that it was reminiscent of how she had used Avon. Both he and Avon specialized in solving problems no one else could; the only difference lay in the application.

_I was __never anything but a tool for you_, thought Sester. He wasn't bitter or angry about it. It was just a fact which she had never hidden.

"Have they completed their mission yet?" asked Servalan. They were talking about the _Justice_ and her crew.

"Not yet. They have been there a week but there has been no movement," Sester replied.

Sester continued contemplating the Federation President as they talked business.

_I underestimated you,_ he thought. _You actually managed to get ahead of me with that little scene in the cell. Not many people have been able to do that. Only you and Avon. _

She had gotten the better of him and taught him a humiliating lesson in power. He did not hate her; on the contrary, she was proving to be a worthy opponent herself. Sester had misjudged her.

_You are cruel, ruthless, devious, arrogant and dangerous_, thought Sester. _And you make life very interesting_. As a psychostrategist, he appreciated the interesting.

Sester had learned a lot about the Federation President in her treatment of and interaction with Avon during the time he had been her prisoner.

_T__he acquisition of power is your sole motivation and yet you also have surprising depths._

Sester had sought to manipulate her relationship with Avon. It had been like playing with fire; and he was the one who had been burned. As a gifted psychostrategist who could accurately predict most people's behaviour, not many things could surprise him. The three years of working with Avon and Servalan had been exciting and satisfying. He liked living on the edge of not knowing.

Sester wondered how Avon was doing; he was concerned about him. Although they were enemies, he considered Avon a worthy opponent. A worthy opponent was a rare find.

Sester had consulted Professor Tarkson about Avon's mental health and the implications his escape had on that health. What he had heard from Tarkson had not been encouraging.

Sester hoped that with the files he had given to Commander Argus, they would be able to help Avon. Like Servalan, the psychostrategist found the world a lesser place without Avon as an opponent who could fight them.

Sester turned his full attention back to what Servalan was saying.

"Any word on how Avon is doing?" Servalan asked.

"No. Not since they left Borel's headquarters."

The Federation President was also quite worried. Sester was not the only one who had consulted Professor Tarkson regarding Avon's mental health.

It was ironic that the two architects of Avon's present miseries were concerned about him.

"I am sending you out to the Luttrel System in Sector Three. There has been an unexpected shift in power there recently. I want you to investigate and determine if it is a result of alien activity," Servalan told Sester.

"I will head there immediately, Madame President."

* * *

Argus had been watching Reya sleeping for the past half hour. They were both still lying on the ground next to his bunk. He wanted to reach out to touch her face and stroke her wonderful body. He refrained because he knew she was a light sleeper. He contented himself with just watching her.

_You are so beautiful. _

In sleep, her normally unreadable and professional face became relaxed and gentle; and there seemed to be innocence about her. When they were making love her face was mercurial; one moment intense and passionate, another moment playful and mischievous. When she was angry, as she sometimes was with him (he grinned), she became hard, determined and dangerous.

Reya was intelligent, driven, disciplined, tough and more than a match for him. For her, duty always ranked higher than personal considerations. She loved to challenge herself and others. Anything physical came naturally to her; she was very gifted. She had great joy in physical movement. They were very much alike. And the sex was incredible between them.

_You are the best thing that has ever happened to me_, Argus thought. He loved her so much it hurt. He touched her hair lightly and sighed. _And I am the worst thing that could ever happen to you. _

Argus had always chosen a life that did not lend itself to any kind of personal relationship other than friendship. So far, other than working together, the constant arguments and the sex, they had not had much time to develop a normal relationship.

_I don__'t even know how to have this kind of relationship_, thought Argus. Unlike his role as a military or even a rebel leader, Argus was tentative and unsure of himself in his relationship with Reya. He was always afraid of doing something wrong.

_Why have you __given me the power to hurt you? _It scared him that he could hurt her and not even know it.

When the two of them were together, it was as if the rest of the universe did not exist. Now that the crew knew about their relationship; the universe was starting to intrude into their lives. Argus saw things much clearer now.

_You deserve someone better. Som__eone who knows how to take care of you. Someone who isn't me._

The thought of losing her, terrified him. It felt like trying to tear out an essential part of himself; but he would do it, for her sake.

_The only thing you would ever be able to look forward to with me__, is news that I had died on some miserable planet; still seeking to pay a debt which can never be paid in full. You deserve better than that. _

With the rebels, sometimes he could forget what he was; a trained killer with too much blood on his hands. With her, he saw the possibility that someday, he could be something else. _I don't deserve that._

Reya stirred and opened her eyes. When she saw him looking at her, she smiled; then she looked puzzled.

"Why so sad Argus?" She reached out and touched his cheek.

He knew she would be angry if he told her what he was really thinking.

"I was thinking how beautiful you are."

"And that makes you sad?"

"No." He smiled and pulled her towards him. Their passion from the night before had not abated. Even as his body responded to her; in his mind, he was already preparing to let her go.

* * *

Avon was amused.

The crew and Commander Reve were all on the flight deck again; waiting. Instead of the crew surreptitiously watching him when he wasn't looking; they were all sneaking looks at Argus and the commander. The two of them were standing where they had stationed themselves the day before; Argus at his co-pilot's station and Reya by Avon.

Argus and the female commander did not seem to be acting any differently than they did the day before; when they thought that no one knew about them. They were both coldly professional again. Jenna, Cally and Vila were puzzled. Avon didn't really care one way or another; other people's personal concerns did not interest him.

"Alright, I can't stand this anymore," declared Argus.

They all turned to look at him in amazement.

"Either stop staring at us when you don't think we're looking, or leave the flight deck. Yes, we did sleep together. Yes, we enjoyed ourselves immensely. No it does not change anything on the flight deck. And now it is time to get back to work."

No one said anything but they all suddenly found interesting things to do on the panels in front of them.

"And I am sure Avon would appreciate if you also stop staring at him; when you don't think he's looking."

"Then what will we have to do?" muttered Vila. Standing around and waiting was very boring.

"Argus," Reya said urgently. They all looked at her and then towards the viewscreen.

Zen interrupted Forward detectors report a large object has materialized at one million specials.

It was a redundant report. No one could have missed the huge spherical shape which had suddenly appeared in front of them. There were no visible hatches, no markings, no communications arrays; nothing except a smooth, unbroken surface.

"Zen, raise the shields," said Argus.

Confirmed

"Vila, clear the neutron blasters for firing and raise the radiation flare shield," said Avon. Vila reached towards his control panel.

"No," said Argus.

Vila hesitated. He looked between Avon and Argus, unsure of what to do.

"Do not ready the neutron blasters," stressed Argus.

"It hasn't noticed us yet," said Avon. "It may be our only chance." Avon was wondering if Argus was going to prove to be as reckless and illogical as Blake used to be. He doubted if Argus had the same luck that Blake usually had.

"No. We must not make any movement which can be interpreted as hostile," said Argus. "Vila, do not do anything unless I say so." Argus was in full command mode. Vila found himself obeying and lowered his hand.

"This is madness," said Avon.

"Perhaps," said Argus. "But we will wait and we will not make any aggressive movements. I will explain later." There was no concern on Argus's face. His voice was calm and professional. Avon's eyes narrowed; he looked at Argus suspiciously.

_There is so__mething you are not telling us, _thought Avon. _There is something going on._

Argus instructed, "Zen, have the battle computers plot the course of the object on the screen. What is its predicted path?"

Confirmed

After a moments the ship's computer reported The battle computer indicates that the object is approaching at speed standard by two and will reach the moon in five point eight zero two minutes.

"Zen, is there any indication that the object is aware of us?"

Hull sensors have detected the presence of scanning beams

"Whatever it is know's we're here," said Jenna.

"Why isn't it doing anything then?" asked Vila.

They all watched and waited nervously as the huge spherical object approached.

Avon was also watching but he had also been observing Argus and the female commander carefully. Neither one of them appeared nervous. He was certain now that they both knew something the rest of them didn't.

* * *

"What's it waiting for?" Vila asked no one in general. They had all been waiting for fifteen minutes and nothing had happened.

Argus addressed Reya, "Your theory was correct."

"It was the only explanation," Reya responded.

"It's nice that the two of you know what is going on but can you enlighten the rest of us?" asked Jenna in an annoyed voice.

"My apologies," said Reya. Her voice was also calm and professional. "I will explain. I have had extensive opportunities to study the behaviour pattern of the object we are observing. On previous encounters, the object destroyed most of the ships it encountered. Most but not all. I noticed one interesting factor in common with all of the ships which were not destroyed. They were either unarmed civilian ships or unarmed military transports."

"So your assumption was that the object only attacked when it perceived a threat?" said Avon. He looked at her curiously. Like Argus, she seemed to be capable of much more than his first impressions of her.

"Correct," replied Reya.

"It would have been nice if you had told us," said Jenna.

Reya looked towards Argus.

"It was my decision," said Argus. "I am not used to having to explain my actions."

"We are not your military underlings," said Avon icily.

"Avon is right. We do not appreciate not being told," said Jenna.

Argus nodded. "You are right. It is a habit of command. It is a hard habit to break. I will try to remember."

"Don't worry, I'll remind you," said Avon.

Argus looked briefly at Reya. Nothing passed between them but they both understood what had just been achieved.

"Now that that has been established. Let's get back to the matter at hand," said Argus.

Everyone turned towards the viewscreen again.

What Argus had just done went beyond an issue of communication and command. This was something he had discussed with Reya. It had been a test. They were both confident in Reya's assessment of the situation. There had been little risk.

This was the first real test of the new dynamic of the crew in a stress situation; since Avon came back. Argus was certain that the crew would do what he asked, even if they did not understand or agree with his decision. He had not been as sure of Avon.

He knew Avon's reputation; and he knew that the analyst had given Blake many headaches on the Liberator. This had been a test of Avon and his influence on the rest of the crew.

Even though it had not been his intention for doing it; Argus knew that his sessions of therapy with Avon had helped in building a nominal trust between them.

It was clear from the test that Avon was still not decided about Argus but he would give the rebel leader the benefit of the doubt, for now.

_You're going to continually challenge me, aren't you Avon_? thought Argus. _That's good. That is what I need in a second. Though you probably don't see yourself as that._ He smiled to himself.


	24. Chapter 24

Damaged Beginnings

Chapter Twenty-Four

The _Justice_ crew and Commander Reve were still discussing their options regarding the phenomenom which had appeared above the moon they were orbitting. There had been no movement from the object since it arrived, over an hour ago. The ship's sensors were not able to penetrate the object and could only pick up faint energy along its surface. Other than visual observation, they had not been able to do anything else. Even attempts by ORAC had failed to produce any results because the object's outer surface was impenetrable; which irritated the computer unit to no end.

"It's just sitting there," said Vila. "Why doesn't it do something? I mean, not that I want it to do anything _interesting_."

"Just because we cannot see it do anything, does not mean that it is not doing anything," said Avon.

"They could be having a party in there for all we know or planning to blow us up; but that doesn't do us any good sitting out here, does it?" said Vila. "We can't even get inside it."

"There is one thing we can access," suggested Reya. "There is nothing stopping us from investigating the moon. There must be a reason why it is interested in it. Perhaps we can go down and find out why."

"That's a lot of surface to cover, even for a small moon," pointed out Jenna.

"Zen, are there still no energy fluctuations or energy signature changes in the object?" asked Avon. He had an idea.

This level of thought was still difficult for Avon. Each step required a conscious effort. Maintaining the concentration required expending an increasing amount of energy; energy he still had precious little of. Avon tried to pace himself; he refused to have another near-collapse.

That is correct, Kerr Avon replied Zen.

"How about energy changes emanating from the object?" asked Avon.

The _Justice_'s sensors have detected energy signatures consistent with sensor activity coming from the object.

"Sensor activity apart from the original scan of the _Justice_?" asked Avon.

Correct.

"Is there any pattern to the sensor activity?" asked Avon.

There was an initial broad-range sensor sweep encompassing the surface area of the moon currently visible. There is now targetted sensor activity concentrated at two points.

"Show us the two locations Zen," said Avon.

The two points showed up on the main viewscreen.

"Well done, Avon," said Argus.

Avon allowed his mind to relax.

Argus pointed to the location on the left side of the viewscreen, "Commander Reve and Vila will go down and investigate this location. Cally and I will check out the other. We will need the environment suits. Avon, you can operate the teleport."

"I don't remember volunteering," muttered Vila as he followed the others out.

* * *

"I'm getting a bad feeling about this," said Vila as the group gathered in the teleport room. They were helping check each other's environment suits.

"When have you ever had a good feeling about doing work?" asked Avon with light sarcasm. Vila gave him foul look.

"Commander, let's set a time limit of one hour," said Argus. "Both groups will report in regardless of the results." Their voices sounded muffled inside their enclosed suits.

"Agreed," said Reya.

"Cally and I will do down first," said Argus as he stepped onto the teleport pad. Cally joined him.

"Put us down," instructed Argus. Avon operated the controls and there was a familiar shimmering; but not in all the right places.

* * *

Vila stood staring at Cally. They were both in their environment suits. Cally was still standing on the platform waiting to be teleported down. Argus was gone.

"Avon, what did you do?" Vila asked, turning around slowly and clumsily in his environment suit, to look at Avon; Avon who a moment ago had been seated at the teleport controls and was now gone.

"Cally! Avon's gone!" Vila shouted in shock.

"Commander Reve is gone as well," said Cally. She was also in shock. Cally took her helmet off.

"What happened to them?" Vila was not just in shock, he was well on his way to panicking.

"Someone has taken them," said Cally. _Or something._ She went over to the teleport control panel and activated the comm. "Jenna, is there anything happening?"

Jenna's voice over the ship's comm replied, "Nothing's happening. Why?"

"Have Zen do a sensor sweep of the entire area, I will explain when we come back to the flight deck," said Cally. She began taking her environment suit off.

* * *

Avon opened his eyes; and couldn't see anything. It was completely dark. He was lying on his back, on a hard surface. _A floor?_

He tried to get up; and couldn't move. Something was restraining him. He could feel them now. Something clamped at each wrist and ankle. Something familiar.

_They feel like…hands. _Strong hands holding him down. This was too familiar.

_Is this a nightmare? It feels so real._

It felt like the isolation cell at the Detention Centre. Slowly the unreasoning fear and panic began to surface.

_No. Must not give in to the fear. It does not control me. _He struggled to reason out what was happening.

He tried to speak; and ended up choking. His vocal chords were paralyzed. Something was put over his mouth, he tried to shake it off. Hands held his head in place, not allowing him to move. He was able to breathe easier now; the object over his mouth was an oxygen mask.

_No! This is not happening! _His mind refused to accept it. _I am not back in the isolation cell! This is not real!_

At that moment his body arched as an excruciating pain radiated from his knee. The pain made any further thought impossible.

* * *

Argus opened his eyes and saw Reya lying next to him. They were both naked. Argus lifted his head and looked around.

_This is my cabin! _He was confused. _I don't remember. How did we get here?_

He could vaguely remember that they were supposed to be somewhere else. Argus looked down at the sleeping woman beside him. When he was looking at her, things seemed less confusing.

_You are so beautiful, _he thought.He reached out towards her but stopped himself. Should not wake her; she's a light sleeper.

Argus shook his head. _Something is wrong._

You love her. _I do. _So much that it hurts. _Yes._

He looked at her. _You look so peaceful now. You weren't last night. _He smiled at the memory. _So passionate and determined._

Argus shook his head again. There was a pressure in his mind. Something pushing.

He sighed. _You are so right for me. And I am the worst thing that could ever happen to you._

He reached out and lightly touched her hair. For some reason, his breathing rate had increased.

Don't want to hurt her.

_I don't even know how to have this kind of relationship, Reya. I'm so afraid of hurting you and not even know I'm doing it._

Don't deserve her.

_I don't deserve you. You should have someone who can always be there for you. I can't. I have too many debts to pay. Too much blood to atone for. It would not be fair to you. _

Have to leave her. The thought filled him with fear.

_How am I going to go on without you? You are so much a part of me now._

Have to leave her. For her sake.

_Yes. I have to leave you. I have to push you away. I cannot let our relationship go any further._

Reya's eyes opened. "Why are you leaving me?" she asked. In her voice was pain and a rising anger.

Argus was shocked. _Did I speak out loud? _He couldn't remember.

Reya's face now reflected confusion. _You didn't speak. But I can hear you._ Her attention should have been focussed on this strange occurance but her mind was full of another thought which clouded all others.

He is leaving you.

The thought filled her with fear and anger; and something so much like pain that she could barely breathe.

"Why are you pushing me away?" she said angrily. They both sat up and faced each other. There was a distance between them now.

_I can't tell you_, thought Argus.

"Why can't you tell me?"

_You can read my mind, _he realized. _But only surface thoughts. Else you would not have to ask me. _

This thought should have shocked him but it didn't. He shook his head again; he was starting to get a headache. _Have to be careful._

Continue.

"I thought you said that you loved me," said Reya.

They were both caught up in the moment now.

"I do," replied Argus. "But not enough."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She was very angry now and also very confused; angry at what he was saying; confused because she could feel his pain as he said it.

"You're lying," she accused him.

Argus did the one thing he knew would block her from reading his mind. He became angry.

"This arrangement was never meant to be permanent. Other than the sex, it would never have worked between us."

"I don't believe you," said Reya.

He doesn't love you. He is trying to push you away.

_No! He does. _She knew he did. _Where are these other thoughts coming from? _Reya struggled to hold onto what she was sure of.

They were both breathing heavier now; but neither of them noticed. They were fighting something they were not consciously aware of; something which was seeking to influence their minds and direct their thoughts.

You don't love him. _But I do. _

Then why have you never told him that you love him too?

Reya realized with a shock that that was true. _Why haven't I? _Reya shook her head. It seemed like there were three voices in her mind; hers, Argus's and something else which also sounded like her but was trying to make her question herself. She wondered if she was going mad.

Answer the question. The insistent voice would not be denied. _I am afraid. The only other person I ever loved this strongly, he hated me. Why did my father hate me so much? I tried so hard to be someone he would be proud of. And he couldn't stand the sight of me. Why?_

So you are afraid. That is why you won't take a chance on Argus. _That's not true. He knows I love him._

Coward.

The voices were all quiet now except for one.

"I love you," she told Argus.

"You love a dream. You love a man who doesn't exist. I am not who you think I am."

"Then tell me who you are."

"No." He was afraid to tell her.

It is better if she knows. It will make it easier for her to leave you.

_Yes, it would be better this way._ "You once accused me of being a coward on on Zircaster. Accused me of killing defenceless civilians. You have never asked me about it since."

Reya wasn't sure if she wanted to know now. She was hearing something in his voice which made her uneasy.

"It was even worse than what you accused me of. I did kill those defenceless civilians. Not because of cowardice. I knew exactly what I was doing. The responsibility for their deaths fall on me."

"You were following orders."

Argus laughed cynically. "You don't believe that excuses it any more than I do. I knew it was wrong and still did it." Argus was on a roll now. He felt like a man who had already lost everything.

"Do you remember those soldiers in the woods? I never told you, but I spent several days with them. Became friends with some of them. Even taught them some knife tricks. And I killed all of them. After all these years, I thought that things had changed. But they hadn't. I am a monster, Reya. A killer. I always will be."

There was a great bitterness in his voice now. The hate he had for himself; the hate which seemed to recede when she was near, had returned full force.

"You cannot love a monster. I will not let you," he told her.

_It's over_, he thought.

Reya's head was bowed. She could no longer hear the thoughts of his mind; but his words had been more than enough.

She finally raised her head and looked at him. _So this is why you were pushing me away_, she thought. _We are a fine pair aren't we? We could both face a thousand enemies in battle without flinching but we are so afraid of this._

Argus was confused.

"You have been spending all of your time trying to repay that debt, haven't you?" she asked him.

He wondered if she could read more than just surface thoughts.

"Tell me the truth Argus," she told him.

"Yes."

"And you feel that no matter what you do, you will never be able to do enough."

Argus thought,_ You are reading deeper into my mind. I can't very well deny it. _

"Yes," he replied.

She paused. In his eyes was such pain and conflict; and so much self-loathing.

"I will help you repay the debt," she told him gently. "You cannot push me away."

_We are not alone anymore, _**she thought.**_ We have each other now._

The man she loved disappeared.

She screamed, "Argus! No!"


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

The pain had finally ended. The people holding him down had left. Avon was curled in a ball on the hard floor; shivering from pain, cold and exhaustion. He was still blind.

His mind was beginning to recover from the shock of the torture.

_Did I imagine those months on the ship? Or have I been here all along? Have I already lost my mind? Are they leaving me in here until there is nothing left?_

Avon struggled to bring sense out of what he was remembering.

_What is the last thing I remember? _Avon's logical mind tried to assert control over his situation. A thin thread of memory. His mind tried to reach for it; but it slipped further away.

You must reach that memory.

Somehow Avon knew that if he could not reach the truth in that memory; his mind would be trapped forever.

Panic started rise. _No. Must maintain control. Must relax. Cannot let it control me. _He clenched his fists and concentrated; concentrated past the pain, past the nausea and exhaustion; he grabbed onto it when it threatened to slip away.

It felt like he had been doing for hours. He had no idea how long had passed.

Avon was so focused that he did not realize that he had broken past the barrier of concentration; the barrier he had been struggling against for over a month. He still couldn't prevent the panic or fear from rising but with his returned concentration and control over his conscious mind, he now had other options. His unconscious mind reached out for a memory.

_Slap. "Avon!" Someone shouted his name and shook him_.

_Again another strike. "Avon!" _The memory was so real; he could almost feel the pain.

_Enough Argus. I'm fine now_, Avon remembered himself saying.

_You promised to not hit me so hard the next time_, thought Avon wryly. _But you always did._

With a start, Avon realized the panic and fear had lessened. The shock of the remembered pain had helped push it away. It was not gone; but it was now manageable.

_I am not fine yet_, he thought. But for the first time he thought with confidence, _But I will be_.

Avon heard the cell door open again and people walking in. They were going to torture him again.

_I need to solve this problem too. I need to understand why this is happening._

* * *

Argus was naked and paralyzed. He was strapped to a slanted board which was almost perpendicular. He was positioned in front of a large window, watching Avon being tortured.

Avon's screams echoed in the chamber below. Argus wanted to scream too but he couldn't make a sound; and could not close his eyes to the horrifying scene before him.

Argus did not remember how he got there or how long he had been there. He had woken up to Avon's screams. The last thing he remembered was being with Reya. His memories were vague. He could recall that he had been with Reya last; but he couldn't remember any details. Argus could not remember anything before that.

He realized the screaming had stopped. Avon had passed out again. The hooded men in the cell were tending to him; trying to bring him around again.

_How many times are you going to do that to him_? thought Argus. He had lost count._ Please stop! He's already had enough._

Argus was angry. He tried to move again; tried to free himself. _I need to do something to stop them!_ But it was no use. The paralytic they had used on him prevented any movement.

No one had spoken to him. No one had looked in on him. The only people he saw, apart from Avon, were the hooded figures below him in the chamber.

"Do you want to stop it?" a man's voice behind him asked. For a moment Argus thought he had imagined it.

The man repeated the question, "Do you want to stop it? You can speak now. I have released your vocal chords."

"Yes, of course I want to stop it," Argus told the man. He tried to move but everything else was still paralyzed. _It must be a paralyzing field. One that is finely controlled. _He didn't know of any world in the Federation which had that kind of technology. "What do you want in return?"'

The voice laughed. "You are very direct Drel Argus."

"You know who I am. Tell me who you are," demanded Argus.

"Do you think it is information you can use?" the voice asked.

"All information is useful," replied Argus.

"That sounds like something Avon would say."

"Who are you? How do you know so much about us?" asked Argus.

"You can call me the Investigator," said the voice.

"That is not a name."

"It is mine," replied the Investigator.

"Very well _Investigator_. What are you here investigating? Why have you done all of this? What are you after?" asked Argus.

"Why do _you_ think I am here?"

"Don't answer my question with another question. This is not a game."

Below in the chamber, Avon was screaming in pain again.

"Stop the torture," demanded Argus.

"I don't think I will. I have not gotten what I wanted yet," said the Investigator. "I will turn off the sound though." There was silence again.

"There that's better," said the Investigator.

Argus realized that it was a game for the Investigator. Throughout their conversation the Investigator had stayed behind him; deliberately staying outside of his line of vision. I wonder why that is, thought Argus.

The Investigator said, "If it were Avon here, he would be playing the game. And perhaps he might even win and I would let you all go."

"I am not Avon."

"No, you're not. You are the leader. A man tortured by his own past. You refuse to let people get close to you because you're afraid they will care. And you can't stand that they will care for someone you hate. That's why you tried to push her away isn't it?"

"Stop it!" said Argus. "I am going to be very disappointed if this is all you're after."

The voice laughed again. "Oh no, Argus. I am after much more than that. I have been watching all of you for some time. You interested me. So I set a little puzzle for you to solve."

"The sphere?" asked Argus.

"Yes."

"What is it? Your ship?"

"It is nothing. It was just part of the puzzle. After I am done. It will be nothing again."

"So you did all of this, destroyed all of those ships, killed all of those people, just to get us here?"

"No. My intention was never the killing. But I had set the condition that if the sphere was attacked, it would defend itself."

"So this was just an elaborate game to you complete with made up rules?" asked Argus angrily.

"There must always be rules."

"But those rules are not real. You just made them up. Those people were real and you killed them."

"You do not understand. The rules are set so that I will not abuse my power. Else I can do anything I want. Your limited human mind cannot even come close to comprehending what I am capable of."

"You are right. I do not understand. I doubt if I will ever understand someone who could kill just to meet the conditions of some arbitrary game."

"It may have been better having Avon here instead and having you down in the chamber."

"You're probably right. But you have me here for a reason. Just as you have Avon down there for a reason."

The Investigator laughed again. "You are right."

"Stop trying to bait me and tell me what I need to do to end all of this."

"My investigation is almost at an end. There is one final thing you must do and one final act I must perform. Then I can move onto the next galaxy."

"You will never come back?"

"I had a list of curiosities I had to satisfy about the human race. You and your crew have satisfied all of them except one."

"What is that one?" Argus asked.

"Let us make the choice very clear," said the Investigator. The sounds of screaming returned.

"One of you will die today in the chamber below. It will either be you or Avon. The choice is yours which one of you it will be. To make things even more interesting. My tasks will be complete regardless of what your decision is. I will leave. Whoever survives will be returned to your ship and you will be free to go."

Argus looked down into the chamber.

_This used to be an easy decision for me. Why isn't it now?_

He knew why. It was because of Reya. Even though he had made the decision to let her go; it was enough for him that she was out there somewhere. And if she ever needed him, he would be there for her.

_I can't be there for her, if I'm dead._

Argus took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He had made his decision.

_I'm sorry._

"You don't know me very well if you think this would be a difficult choice for me," said Argus.

"You've made your decision then?" the Investigator asked.

"Yes. Let Avon go."

"What about Reya?"

_You knew all along what the real choice was_, thought Argus.

"She knows that I would never sacrifice someone else to save my own life."

"That is your final decision?"

"Get on with it."

"Very good," said the Investigator. It sounded very pleased with itself. "Not one of you has disappointed me."

"Then you will go?" asked Argus.

"I keep my word," the Investigator replied.

"Wait."

"Are you changing your mind?"

"No. Can you let me speak to Reya first?"

_I have so many things to say to you, Reya. Not the least of which is "I'm sorry" for being such a fool._

"One last time?"

"Yes."

"You humans are so melodramatic."

"Are you going to let me?"

"No."

"Why not!?"

"Well, I could hardly let you speak one last time when you have so many more times in between."

"I don't understand."

The Investigator chuckled. "I'm letting all of you go."

"So this was all just another game. Another amusement for you."

"None of this has been for amusement Argus. Though it has been amusing to me."

"So that's it? You're letting us go? And you will leave, never to return again?"

"Yes."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

The Investigator laughed again. "I told you that there is one final thing I must do."

"Then do it and get out of our galaxy!"

"Be careful of the aliens."

"That's it? We already know that."

"I have been observing them during my investigations of humanity. Be very careful of them."

"Do you plan on giving me any details?"

"I cannot. But I can tell you that you and your crew will be crucial in the coming conflict. That is why I am returning all of them to you. Farewell Argus."

* * *

In a split second, Argus, Avon and Reya appeared back onboard the _Justice_; on the flight deck. Cally, Vila and Jenna almost had a collective heart attack when they suddenly appeared.

Argus and Reya were fully clothed again; though they seemed to have lost their environmental suits. Avon collapsed. The sphere had completely disappeared. There was no trace of it or any sign that it had ever been there.

"What just happened?" asked Vila.

That was something they all wanted to know.


End file.
